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Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Two nudists were discussing politics. One says, “Have you read Marx?”
The other nods. “It’s these blasted wicker chairs”.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I found the manual for my pistol, but I still have trouble shooting.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
If you take the first two letters of each of the 7 Harry Potter books, you get the secret message:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I was disappointed when my book "101 novel uses for Binary" came and it only had 5 things in it.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I'm never donating money to someone for a marathon again. They just take the money and run.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
When a lumberjack doesn't get his way, he throws a timber tantrum.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I just bought a parachute.
It has a lifetime guarantee.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
You can only cut tiny pizzas with Little Caesars.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
It's not very often that Earth day falls so close to Sun day.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
My goal for the year is to lose 15 pounds. So far I only have 20 pounds to go!
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Horses rarely divorce because they have stable relationships.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
A cow that survived an earthquake is called a milkshake.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Why did the Tofu cross the road?
To prove it wasn't chicken.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
We had leftover tacos after dinner yesterday, and my wife told me that the kids would never eat them, so throw them out.
So I did, but now I have no idea what to do with the tacos.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone?
Because he couldn't find the droid he was looking for.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I sold my vacuum cleaner.
It was just gathering dust.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Puffer fish are the most expensive pets to own.
It's all because of the inflation.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
The best time to clean and lube your slinky is during Spring cleaning.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
If Taylor Swift fans are "Swifties", then are Carrie Underwood fans "Undies"?
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Our electricity company disconnected our service, and now I'm powerless to do anything about it.