Bad Jokes

[tre]

If Taylor Swift fans are "Swifties", then are Carrie Underwood fans "Undies"?

Carrie’s husband, Mike Fisher, played in my city when they were dating. We were all hoping she’d take his last name.

 

[Jehannum]

Julie Andrews bought a cheap lipstick that fell apart and gave her bad breath.

Her super color fragile lipstick gave her halitosis.

 

[Jehannum]

A cow's favorite Disney princess is Moo-lan.

 

[Jehannum]

Celery invests in the stalk market for retirement.

 

[Jehannum]

Who was bit by a cat?

Me. Ow.

 

[Jehannum]

The sun doesn't go to college anymore because it's got about a million degrees.

 

[Jehannum]

A telescope turned up in the lost and found at work. I don't know who it belongs to, but I'm looking into it.

 

[fly]

Almost every day I pass these into a WhatsApp family thread that we have.

 

[Jehannum]

Almost every day I pass these into a WhatsApp family thread that we have.

Isn't a non-dad telling these jokes something of a faux-pa?

 

[Jehannum]

Just been for my prostate exam. Got the thumbs up.

 

[Jehannum]

Kim Jong Un uses body doubles for public appearances where he doesn't speak. For convenience he's had them named Kim Jong Deux and Kim Jong Trois.

 

[Jehannum]

Fish only code in Sea++.

 

[Jehannum]

I once met a shy pebble. She wished she was a little bolder.

 

[Jehannum]

I found a suitcase full of kittens this morning on my walk. I called the police immediately.

They asked, "are they moving?" I said, "I dunno, but it would explain the suitcase."

 

[Jehannum]

What kind of medicine do ants use for vision problems?

Ant-eye-biotics.

 

[Jehannum]

I was trying to combine my son's Swede and Mexican heritage into a single big birthday party, but I came up short.

Not sure whether I'm ahead of my time planning a Fjord Fiesta or not.

 

[Jehannum]

Got a side gig as a mortician.
People are just dying to meet me.

 

[Jehannum]

I almost invested in a distillery once.

I backed out because it was a whiskey business.

 

[Jehannum]

Someone bombed the wig factory.

Police are combing the area for suspects.

 

[Jehannum]

quit my job as a butcher, because I just couldn't make ends meat.