Bad Jokes

[Jehannum]

Russian newts can't live in shopping malls, because they eventually die of mall newt Russian.

 

[fly]

Holy shit that's bad

 

[Jehannum]

Holy shit that's bad

Most breakdowns in the Lincoln tunnel in New York City are minivans with more than three passengers. It's carpool tunnel syndrome.

 

[Jehannum]

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

To be wanted.

 

[Jehannum]

Beethoven got rid of his chickens because they only thing they ever said was, "Bach Bach Bach".

 

[Jehannum]

Eggs don't tell jokes because they might crack up.

 

[Jehannum]

Binary is base 2, and decimal is base 10, but I still don't understand baseball.

 

[Jehannum]

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have H2O." The second says, "I'll have H2O too".
The second chemist dies.

 

[Jehannum]

There was a guy who had a beat up old blue-green Volvo as a teenager. He loved that car. Sadly, by the time he was making enough to afford a new Volvo, they no longer offered that color, in fact nobody did. So he saved up enough to get a $10K custom paint job for a brand new Volvo, color matching as best he could to the '70s brochures that he still had.

When his brother asked him why he'd go to such expense, he replied, "There's something about an aqua Volvo, man."

 

[Jehannum]

A new study showed that pirates found in the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion.

I don't know why people keep traveling through it, everyone knows it's 180 degrees inside a triangle.

 

[Jehannum]

Roger Daltry and Pete Townsend broke into a research facility and set the canines free.

We're now completely sure that The Who let the dogs out.

 

[Jehannum]

I'm opening a Middle-Eastern Chinese fusion restaurant.

It's called "Wok Like an Egyptian".

 

[Jehannum]

You know why you never hear a good Jim Jones joke?

The punchline is too long

 

[Jehannum]

Horses are so negative.

They're all neigh sayers.

 

[Jehannum]

What do you do with 100 peaches?

Eat what you can, and can what you can't.

 

[Jehannum]

I used to have a corduroy pillow.

It was a real headliner.

 

[Jehannum]

My grandfather Roy sold pants for a living.

That makes me a quarter Roy.

 

[Jehannum]

French people access the internet over Oui-fi.

 

[Jehannum]

French people access the internet over Oui-fi.

Unless it's the '90s then they access it over Modeme Tussbaud.

 

[Jehannum]

The world's tongue twister champion was arrested.

They're going to give her a tough sentence.