Bad Jokes

[Jehannum]

@AppleTurkey asked to see something long and impressive, so I whipped out my list of Facebook Community Standards violations.

 

[Jehannum]

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but it came out all blurry.

Seems like I have selfie steam issues.

 

[Jehannum]

You should call the police if your house is invaded by mosquitos.

They'll send the SWAT team.

 

[Jehannum]

If a clock gets hungry, it goes back 4 seconds.

 

[Jehannum]

Mascara and lipstick always makeup after they fight.

 

[Jehannum]

My half brother and I aren't allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.

 

[Jehannum]

@AppleTurkey caught me sucking in my stomach on the scale this morning and said, "That's not going to help."

I replied, "but it's the only way I can see the numbers!"

 

[Jehannum]

I read the other day that the average American drops 90 curse words per day, which works out to roughly 5 per hour.

That's when I finally found the one area where I'm truly well above the fucking average.

 

[Jehannum]

 

[Jehannum]

You call them curly fries, I call them rotatoes.

 

[Jehannum]

You shouldn't iron a four leaf clover, because you shouldn't press your luck.

 

[Jehannum]

did you hear the rumor about butter?

I'm not going to spread it.

 

[Jehannum]

My family got pissed when I had sex with my third cousin, which is weird because they didn't say anything about the first two.

 

[Jehannum]

There's always a lot of talk about Adam Soong in Star Trek, but nobody ever mentions his brother, Sam.

He also did a lot of work with androids.

 

[King Wickie Pelt Snatcher]

I went to a quadriplegic strip club and boy was it crawling with pussy

 

[Jehannum]

Asked @AppleTurkey if she wanted a quickie yesterday.

She said, "as opposed to what?"

 

[Jehannum]

As I stared up at the clear starry night sky when I was camping, I wondered...

Where did my tent go?

 

[Jehannum]

Kanye likes his eggs over yeezy.

 

[hydra]

Know why the mostly blind man fell down that well?

Because he couldn't see that well.

 

[Jehannum]

a big dog came up to me and asked for a map.

It was a where wolf.