JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser .
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
A herd of sheep falling down a hill is a lambslide.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Nobody calls poor Vehicle Identification Number Diesel by his full name.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
The pope's bed is so cold because his sheets are holy.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
The IT guy probably ransomeware when I needed him.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Today is the Ides of March, when Caesar was famously assassinated. But what most people don't know is that he wasn't stabbed, but poisoned, by Hemlock leaves in his salad - hence the name "Caesar's Salad."
When Brutus asked how many Hemlock leaves Caesar ingested, Caesar said: "Ate two, Brute."
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
You can't use an iPhone GPS in a Cadillac Fleetwood, because then it's a Fleetwood Mac GPS, and it'll just tell you to go your own way.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
A sock full of pennies is a very useful weapon.
You never know when you'll need to beat some cents into someone.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
The difference between pea soup and roast beef is that anyone can roast beef.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Teenage vulture: “Hey dad what’s for breakfast?”
Dad vulture: “Carrion, my wayward son.”
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Remember, puns on St. Patrick's day don't just shame you, they Seamus all.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
The fart scientist was very successful because his observations were asstoot.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Dark is spelled with a "K" and not a "C" because you can't C in the dark.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Conjunctivitis.com - now there's a site for sore eyes.
fly gave me a handjob for marklar
Technically, nipples are straws
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
How can you tell if a burrito is a breakfast burrito?
If it's still in your hand when you wake up.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Dad jokes help your kids develop.
How else are they supposed to get fully groan?
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Peruvian owls hunt in pairs because they're Inca Hoots.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Vegans can't have any pudding, because if you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
and if you understood that joke, you should probably take some Naproxen for your knees and back.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Naproxen makes my knees feel Comfortably Numb.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
What do you call a sasquatch with noodles for hair?
Spag-Yeti.