Bad Jokes

[NukesII]

I used to be a complete dickhead.
I still am, but I used to be as well.

 

[Jehannum]

I hear Bill Gates is firmly against intermittent fasting.

He's against eating Windows.

 

[Jehannum]

Bacteria are terrible at math, because they multiply by dividing.

 

[Jehannum]

I read about an influcencer werewolf.

Her name was Lycan Subscribe.

 

[Jehannum]

I can't find my fancy French olive oil. Things are going dark.

I think I've lost my huile d'olive.

 

[Jehannum]

I had some windows installed last April, some super efficient triple-pane eco-friendly ones. The installer kept sending me mail, which I figured was just advertisements.

Then he called me last week, quite irate, saying I'd been ignoring his bills. I replied, "You told me they'd pay for themselves in a year, so just hold your horses, it'll only be a couple months more".

 

[Jehannum]

I used to work at a chemical factory, but I had to quit.

It was a toxic environment

 

[Jehannum]

My friend got a PhD in the History of Palindromes.

We call him Dr. Awkward.

 

[Jehannum]

I've lost a lot of weight by wearing bread on my head.

It's a loaf hat diet.

 

[Jehannum]

@AppleTurkey asked me why I didn't wish her a happy "International Womens' Day".

I said, "It's because you're a domestic woman, not international".

 

[HipHugHer]

Been some real good ones in here the last month or two.

I'm gonna use the toilet brush one on...well not anyone in particular just anywhere I can fit it in.

 

[Jehannum]

I don't know who stole my calendar, but his/her days are numbered.

 

[Jehannum]

I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet.

Whoops e-daisies.

 

[tre]

I had an idea for a thought controlled air freshener.

It makes scents when you think about it.

 

[Jehannum]

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Meat Shenanigans
Theres yer band name

 

[tre]

Meat Shenanigans
Theres yer band name

Not to be confused with Vegetable Tomfoolery

 

[HipHugHer]

Tomfoolery and Pantaloons are two of the coolest sounding words we have.

 

[Jehannum]

When you cross a cow with a bazooka, you get udder destruction

 

[Jehannum]

I can't ever seem to find the catfish at the aquarium.

They never look like their pictures.