Bad Jokes

[Jehannum]

A herd of sheep falling down a hill is a lambslide.

 

[Jehannum]

Nobody calls poor Vehicle Identification Number Diesel by his full name.

 

[Jehannum]

The pope's bed is so cold because his sheets are holy.

 

[Jehannum]

The IT guy probably ransomeware when I needed him.

 

[Jehannum]

Today is the Ides of March, when Caesar was famously assassinated. But what most people don't know is that he wasn't stabbed, but poisoned, by Hemlock leaves in his salad - hence the name "Caesar's Salad."

When Brutus asked how many Hemlock leaves Caesar ingested, Caesar said: "Ate two, Brute."

 

[Jehannum]

You can't use an iPhone GPS in a Cadillac Fleetwood, because then it's a Fleetwood Mac GPS, and it'll just tell you to go your own way.

 

[Jehannum]

A sock full of pennies is a very useful weapon.

You never know when you'll need to beat some cents into someone.

 

[Jehannum]

The difference between pea soup and roast beef is that anyone can roast beef.

 

[Jehannum]

Teenage vulture: “Hey dad what’s for breakfast?”

Dad vulture: “Carrion, my wayward son.”

 

[Jehannum]

Remember, puns on St. Patrick's day don't just shame you, they Seamus all.

 

[Jehannum]

The fart scientist was very successful because his observations were asstoot.

 

[Jehannum]

Dark is spelled with a "K" and not a "C" because you can't C in the dark.

 

[Jehannum]

Conjunctivitis.com - now there's a site for sore eyes.

 

[tre]

Technically, nipples are straws

 

[Jehannum]

How can you tell if a burrito is a breakfast burrito?

If it's still in your hand when you wake up.

 

[Jehannum]

Dad jokes help your kids develop.

How else are they supposed to get fully groan?

 

[Jehannum]

Peruvian owls hunt in pairs because they're Inca Hoots.

 

[Jehannum]

Vegans can't have any pudding, because if you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.

and if you understood that joke, you should probably take some Naproxen for your knees and back.

 

[Jehannum]

Naproxen makes my knees feel Comfortably Numb.

 

[Jehannum]

What do you call a sasquatch with noodles for hair?

Spag-Yeti.