Bad Jokes

[Jehannum]

When I'm stressed, I just go to the hardware store.

It's the only place I can find for a real axe.

 

[tre]

When I'm stressed, I just go to the hardware store.

It's the only place I can find for a real axe.

You definitely can’t go to a maul for a real axe

 

[Jehannum]

My niece calls me "Ankle".

So I call her "my knees" back.

 

[Jehannum]

I'm opening a restaurant called "Peace and Quiet".

Kids meals will be $250.

 

[Jehannum]

I just started a speed-reading course. Last night I read Great Expectations in 15 seconds.

I know it's only two words, but I'm just starting the course.

 

[Jehannum]

Tried to eat 24 dozen eggs for breakfast today.

I couldn't finish it though. It was two gross!

 

[Jehannum]

What did the body wash say to the man when he entered the shower?

Hi, Gene!

 

[Jehannum]

I offered my elderly neighbor $100 for a ride on her stair lift.

I think she's going to take me up on it.

 

[Jehannum]

During Medieval times, before the internet, people had to take their questions to King Arthur's knight Sir Chenjin.

 

[Jehannum]

Why do they have to make donating organs so hard now?

Donate part of one liver and you're a hero. Donate five and you're treated like some kind of criminal.

 

[Jehannum]

I always wanted to be a blacksmith, but I wasn't ever very good at shoeing horses.

I did once tell a donkey to get lost though.

 

[Jehannum]

Did I tell you guys about the time Scout got a fever and I had to give her mustard?

The vet told me mustard's the best thing for a hot dog.

 

[Jehannum]

I tried to adopt a kid for a whole year, but the agency turned me down and said I had to adopt for much longer than a year.

 

[Jehannum]

Someone asked me if I thought Steve Jobs would be a better president than Donald Trump.

I said, "I don't know, that seems like comparing apples and oranges".

 

[Jehannum]

My dad set the bar too high when I was little.

I had to use a ladder to reach the liquor.

 

[Jehannum]

Are people born with photographic memories, or do they have to develop them?

 

[Jehannum]

The most condescending bear is a Pan-duh.

 

[Jehannum]

A plate of food in space is a satellite dish.

 

[Jehannum]

The hotel I was staying at tried to charge me $10 per day extra for AC.

That's not cool.

 

[Jehannum]

I met a guy in Egypt who said he would sell me a monument for only 500USD.

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme.