Bad Jokes

[Jehannum]

Do Yugos have Czech engine lights?

 

[Jehannum]

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for years?

Church

 

[Jehannum]

I ate a few too many chickpeas, now I falafel.

 

[Jehannum]

What’s the difference between Chop Beef & Pea Soup?

Anyone can chop beef, but nobody can pee soup

 

[Jehannum]

My son woke me up because he was having a bad dream about a scary horse.

I told him to relax, it was just a night mare.

 

[Jehannum]

Fun fact: the original spelling of banana was "bannanna".

It was changed some time ago, during the Great Enlightenment.

 

[Jehannum]

What do you call a bunch of whales singing together?

An Orca-stra.

 

[Jehannum]

The story of my friend Al:
As a master gardener, he is Botanic Al
When the people need a doctor, he is Medic Al
When he tells clever jokes, he’s Comic Al
When he looks two ways at once, he's Bidirection Al
When he's steering by compass, he Navigation Al
And while on vacation to a Caribbean island, he was Tropic Al

 

[Jehannum]

I asked a pirate where his buccaneers are.

He said under his bucking hat.

 

[Jehannum]

when measuring the circumference of a pie, one just isn't enough, but But 2πr.

 

[Jehannum]

When I was getting my vasectomy (left) and orchiectomy (right), when we were going into the OR and the doctor was getting ready to anesthetize me, the last thing I told him was, "go nuts".

 

[Jehannum]

Did y'all hear about the fire at the bread factory?

Everything was toast.

 

[gee]

@fly just got a new Christmas tree and put it up himself.

Now he just needs to get another one to decorate the house.

 

[Jehannum]

A dinosaur's least favorite reindeer is comet.

 

[Jehannum]

 

[Strings]

Don't take any wooden nickels.
That would be non-cents.

 

[Jehannum]

I was dating a flight attendant from Helsinki, but when I dropped her off at work, she vanished into Finnair.

 

[Jehannum]

I let my neighbor borrow my string-trimmer to do some weed cleaning at his house. After a few minutes I heard a loud squeal, and shortly after that he came running to my door. "I accidentally cut your cat's tail off with the trimmer!" he told me. I said, "we need to get him to the vet ASAP!" He said, "Let's go to Walmart instead" "Why Walmart?!" I asked, and he replied, "Everyone knows they are the country's biggest retailer."

 

[Jehannum]

Apparently in medieval times, Scot warriors would swing cats by the tail to hurl into advancing enemy armies. The impact of enraged cats wouldn't seriously injure the soldiers, but it was crushing to morale. Unfortunately, this led to a shortage of cats, or at least cats with tails. So, because the noise of the swinging cats was enough to break their enemy's morale, they invented bagpipes.

 

[Jehannum]

Got an email about how to read maps backwards.

It was spam.