Bad Jokes

[Jehannum]

I wrote a game about pirates, but the main character doesn't yet look piratical enough.

There will be a patch soon.

 

[Jehannum]

A weasel walked into a bar, and the bartender asked, "What'll it be?"

"Pop," goes the weasel.

 

[Jehannum]

A cow that has done amazing things in her life is legendairy.

 

[Jehannum]

In medieval times, when riding at night, the rider would often attach a lamp to the pommel in order to see ahead down the path.

It was one of the earliest examples of saddle light navigation.

 

[Jehannum]

Told @AppleTurkey that her underwear was too thin and revealing.

She told me to wear my own and stop complaining.

 

[Jehannum]

I had to return my lizard to the pet store, as it wouldn't stop telling me jokes.

Turns out I'd bought a stand up chameleon.

 

[Jehannum]

Changing careers at 40 to be an archaeologist is rough.

My life is in ruins.

 

[Jehannum]

I've decided I'm only wearing shoes with velcro from now on.

After all, why knot?

 

[Jehannum]

Lumberjacks always know exactly how many trees they've cut, because they keep a log.

 

[Jehannum]

In order to save money, I've decided to run my bicycle without tires.

So far, the idea hasn't gained any traction.

 

[Jehannum]

The police wanted to investigate my luggage at the airport.

Seems they cracked the case.

 

[Jehannum]

@AppleTurkey invited me to do yoga with her.

I said, "That really puts me in an awkward position."

 

[Jehannum]

An assembly line that makes only nice products is a satisfactory.

 

[Jehannum]

What kind of soap does a pig use?

Hogwash.

 

[Jehannum]

Couldn't take my kids to the new pirate movie, because it was rated arrrrr.

 

[Jehannum]

I was trialling the Great Australian Baking Show yesterday as a salve for "Mexican week" on the Great British Baking Show, and I cheered when one of them made a good meringue.

I was actually surprised they'd done a good job, as Australians usually boo meringue.

 

[Jehannum]

The worst insult you can say to a ghost is, "get a life!"

 

[Jehannum]

Gandalf got fired from Hogwarts because no matter how hard his pupils tried, he kept telling them, "You shall not pass!"

 

[Jehannum]

I asked @AppleTurkey how to turn Alexa off.

She said, "Why not just walk through the room naked?"

 

[Jehannum]

What do Amish women have dirty dreams about?

Two Mennonite.