Bad Jokes

[Josh]

What's @Josh's least favorite band?

Bread.

Nah, it's We Butter the Bread With Butter.

 

[Jehannum]

The wife crashed her car while listening to Adele last night.

She was rollin' in the Jeep.

 

[HipHugHer]

The three hardest problems when writing a distributed message queue are
2: exactly once delivery
1: in-order delivery
2: exactly once delivery

I didn't really get this one but considering past performance I figure it must be pretty good.

 

[Jehannum]

I felt sad about going bald, so I bought a cheap wig.

It was a small price toupee.

 

[Jehannum]

Genie: What is your final wish?

Me: I wish I were you.

Genie: Weurd, but alrught.

 

[Jehannum]

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers if they would prefer “smoking” or “non-smoking”.

Apparently the correct terms are “cremation” and “burial”.

 

[Jehannum]

Not everyone can be cremated, you have to urn it.

 

[Jehannum]

the body builder threw out his back while deadlifting.

 

[Jehannum]

Went to the psychiatrist in cellophane shorts, and he said, "I can clearly see your nuts".

 

[Jehannum]

Whoever swapped the 'm' amd 'n' keys im ny office is am absolute nomster.

 

[Jehannum]

Mummies pay for stuff with crypt-o-currency

 

[Jehannum]

Lost my job at the keyboard factory, apparently I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

 

[Jehannum]

I stepped in wet cement on my way to a job interview the other day.

Pretty sure I left a bad impression.

 

[Jehannum]

Louise forced me to sell all of my woodwind instruments.

I can't believe I've ended up in a saxless marriage.

 

[Jehannum]

You should never trust Mr. Potatohead with your secrets.

That dude's got loose lips.

 

[HipHugHer]

Went to the psychiatrist in cellophane shorts, and he said, "I can clearly see your nuts".

This reminds me of fried green tomatoes.

 

[Jehannum]

Dad jokes are the best, and here's why.

Why.

 

[tre]

Just put my Halloween decorations away.

Now I have skeletons in my closet.

 

[Jehannum]

Turned down a job that paid in vegetables.

The celery was awful.

 

[Jehannum]

What's worse than a box full of venomous snakes?

A box that should be full of venomous snakes.