Ontopic Time frame after a death

plot said:
Just tell everyone everything has been sorted and given away or tossed. i think this would've been acceptable after a year.

what you kept is yours.

and welcome back girly :p
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Unfortunately this Aunt is at my house quite regularly and the book is sitting right out on a shelf.
I would like to bring it up to my mom but she found out she has cancer this week and I think she will do whatever to keep the peace right now.
 
helenabear said:
I remember that chat @Maureen. We all grieve and deal with lost loved ones in totally different ways.

Personally after 6 years I would say "sorry all items were given out" and leave it at that. My great aunt gave me a ring that I eventually returned back to what I thought was the right line as her great grand daughter would appreciate it more than me. So unless it is something like that where it is your choice to pass on, I'd say so sorry and forget about it.
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I'm already frustrated because I was closer with my grandma than any of the other grand kids and was around more than any of her children. A few months before she died she had a necklace that had been her mothers that she told me she wanted me to have. It was a beautifully engraved locket. Righty after she died my aunt asked about it and my mother agreed she should take it because she knew her grandma more than anyone else did. I didn't want to be bitchy and say grandma said I could have it so I let it go but I know it will be passed onto my cousins instead of me. I know this is just a cookbook but I'm so frustrated and tired of handing out stuff.
 
HifiGirly said:
Unfortunately this Aunt is at my house quite regularly and the book is sitting right out on a shelf.
I would like to bring it up to my mom but she found out she has cancer this week and I think she will do whatever to keep the peace right now.
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Which means you decided to keep it. You've obviously used it, so it's not like you're doing it to be a bitch. Tell her you claimed it after 6 years.
 
HifiGirly said:
I'm already frustrated because I was closer with my grandma than any of the other grand kids and was around more than any of her children. A few months before she died she had a necklace that had been her mothers that she told me she wanted me to have. It was a beautifully engraved locket. Righty after she died my aunt asked about it and my mother agreed she should take it because she knew her grandma more than anyone else did. I didn't want to be bitchy and say grandma said I could have it so I let it go but I know it will be passed onto my cousins instead of me. I know this is just a cookbook but I'm so frustrated and tired of handing out stuff.
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You are more kind than I am. I would have kept the necklace and told her that grandma wanted it that way. My one grandmother when she died had a lot of stuff we had to dish out. Fortunately it was specifically mentioned in the will who got what. We had to do inventory quickly because we had someone who would take things to sell, and even then a couple things came up missing. We were so glad we had that will though with pictures so people couldn't be immature jerks like that.

Tell her to trade the book for the necklace and see how she reacts ;)

btw sorry about your mom :(
 
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my little brony said:
it's pretty uncommon but I share the same sentiment. the last thing I want from dead people is their stuff
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I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way cuz I honestly feel sick when I'm around her personal shit like jewelry or clothes or blankets. Almost like I can smell her or something. So weird
I loved her and miss her soooo much and I love all the pics I have of her but I can't deal with her "stuff"
 
Maureen said:
I love and miss my gramma ever single day.

She uses to give me her expensive Jewls and trinkets when she was alive and I still have them and hold them dear to me... however... after she died she left me pretty much everything including her home.
It's been pure hell for me as I want absolutely nothing of hers. All her belongings after her death have creeped me out. I can't even touch them.
I settled the estate last April and the home is 100% in my name (and kikos) and all I want to do is get rid of her shit and burn what's left over.
I don't really know why I feel this way but my whole family thinks I'm nuts. I've offered EVERYTHING I can to relatives and want nothing to do with what is left over.

I just feel super creeped out like I can still smell her scent in her belongings. They make me feel itchy and uncomfortable

I think I tried to explain this before and @helenabear and I had a good chat over it as she felt the opposite after her mama passed away before Christmas.

My parents make me feel so bad about this

My mom has a pillow case her grandma crochet when I was little and I lived it when my great gramma was alive but now it grosses me out and I toss it in the floor if I see it
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I feel similarly about my dad's stuff. My step-mom drove down a mantle grandfather-ish clock thing that was apparently super important to my dad. TBH, I don't want the damn thing, but I can't get rid of it cause it was important to him. Now we're like stuck with it forever. He has a ton of other antique old stuff just like this that she would like to pawn off on me. WTF, I don't have the storage or appreciation of this stuff. ughhhhhh
 
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fly said:
I feel similarly about my dad's stuff. My step-mom drove down a mantle grandfather-ish clock thing that was apparently super important to my dad. TBH, I don't want the damn thing, but I can't get rid of it cause it was important to him. Now we're like stuck with it forever. He has a ton of other antique old stuff just like this that she would like to pawn off on me. WTF, I don't have the storage or appreciation of this stuff. ughhhhhh
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The guns would be pretty cool, but ya... the clock is huuuuggeee.
 
HifiGirly said:
I'm already frustrated because I was closer with my grandma than any of the other grand kids and was around more than any of her children. A few months before she died she had a necklace that had been her mothers that she told me she wanted me to have. It was a beautifully engraved locket. Righty after she died my aunt asked about it and my mother agreed she should take it because she knew her grandma more than anyone else did. I didn't want to be bitchy and say grandma said I could have it so I let it go but I know it will be passed onto my cousins instead of me. I know this is just a cookbook but I'm so frustrated and tired of handing out stuff.
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It sounds like the people who are asking for/about this book would trade your relationship with them for the book.

To me, take it off the shelf, put it somewhere you can pull it out when you want it, and then put it back. Don't tell anyone you have it. Families slowly break down and you'll eventually be able to put it back out. Probably years from now.

If not, the book will end up getting seen, then harmlessly 'borrowed,' then, forgotten to be returned to you or worse, not returned to you because someone else knows that they're supposed to have it.

When my grandmother passed away, her kids (my aunts and uncle) were pretty cool about dividing things up, but a couple things they couldn't agree on so it was agreed they would just sell it. Except for her wedding ring. They all decided that it would rotate annually between the kids. (one boy) It was great until it was my uncles turn and he let his new wife wear it. The 4 girls flipped their shit & the ring was promptly sold. :lol:

They did go through the house & try to divide up the things they wanted, but ANYTHING in question was done by drawing names. They were adult about it - no harm in not getting what was wanted, etc.

It's weird to me how some of you grieve. I didn't get boxes of anything, but my mother, among several other things, did get a decent sized box of her mother's (my grandma) kitchen stuff including her aprons & kitchen towels that were still in really good condition from being cared for over the years. Every couple years when we're at my mom's she'll pull out the box, open it up, and pass around a stack of them & just smell them. It smells exactly like hugging my grandma, & brings back only great memories. In just a few minutes we've quickly had our fill, & put them away until next time - literally 'saving' the residual smell by getting it back into the box. lolz.

Maybe for some of you guys it's too much stuff. Too much division. Too much what's important and what's not. IDK. I wasn't on the "dividing" end of things. But I kind of wish I could 'give' you all some of the warmth.
 
fly said:
One is like a .22 handgun.

I would like all his woodworking tools, but we would have to rent a truck. And we have no room for it.
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We can fly up there and drive down and see some UF peeps along the way. We would definitely have to make room first - may be time for some spring cleaning/garage sale.
 
Domon said:
rent a truck. Tools are always worth it.
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This! My husband's grandfather was a building contractor, and my mother in law inherited his tools and added more. That's all my husband wanted when his mom passed, except for some photos. We drove the tools down from New England to Florida. We did not bring the old blasting caps with us (!). The police (we called them) were flipping out and brought all these bomb boxes and detonated them.

The tools were totally worth it in the end.
 
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i guess it depends what fly would use. I cant see him sourcing his own rough lumber, so he could exclude the jointer and planer for example. But a good table saw benefits everyone, same a good miter. Can never have enough clamps. Cant see fly doing fine craftsman stuff either, so no use for chisels, etc.
 
Domon said:
i guess it depends what fly would use. I cant see him sourcing his own rough lumber, so he could exclude the jointer and planer for example. But a good table saw benefits everyone, same a good miter. Can never have enough clamps. Cant see fly doing fine craftsman stuff either, so no use for chisels, etc.
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:lol:

He's built our entertainment system, coffee table, side table for couch, a number of book cases, and replaced the trim panel things... floorboards... whatever those are called too with his own creation.
 
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