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Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Why was Cinderella such a bad soccer player?
Because her coach was a pumpkin.
Finally a new goddamn title
Got a job working at a factory making Dracula toys.
There were only two of us working on the line, so I had to make every second count.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I just read that Sylvester Stallone is on his third marriage.
Guess the first one was Rocky, and the second one was Rocky, Too.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
In LOTR, baby trees are fed by entitties.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
After spending hours unclogging the sink and bathtub, I'm feeling drained.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
You never see vaccines made out of holy water, because you shouldn't take the Lord's name in vein.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
When the astronaut reached orbit for the first time, her words were, "Finally the weight is over!"
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I'm not a big fan of people who take drugs.
For example, the TSA.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
What's small, red, and whispers?
A hoarse radish.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
@AppleTurkey has a rule against telling Billy Joel jokes, so I haven't told one in the longest time.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Wizards don't fart, they cast smells.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
got into an accident with a truck carrying canned orange juice.
I should have concentrated more.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
What has 5 toes but isn't your foot?
My foot.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
what's a foot long and slippery?
a slipper.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Even if you put a grizzly in socks and shoes, it still has bear feet.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
An Egyptian's anus technically ends at the sphinxter.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
What do you call an animal that studies astrology?
A zodi-yak.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I sympathize with batteries, as I'm not included in anything either.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
I hope the guy who stole all my antidepressants is happy now.
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
There's a bullfrog that keeps trying to give me invesment advice, but I'm afraid it might be a pond-sy scheme.