Bad Jokes

[Amstel]

I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59pm and the clock struck midnight.

I thought, "same shit, different day."

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

 

[Amstel]

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

 

[gee]

This one's a bit of a story.

So back when I was in high school and young and stupid, I was really trying to impress this girl I was bringing to the prom.

I knew I had to get her flowers, so off I went to the flower store and waited in line. I wasn't the only guy with this idea, lots of people were getting complicated things with roses and balloons and bullshit made for the girls they were trying to impress, so I was waiting for a while. But I eventually made it to the front of the line, paid them and got my date a really nice flower arrangement.

Then I'm like, I have a kickass idea... I'm gonna rent a limo and go pick her up at her house. So off I went to the limo rental place and sure enough, I wasn't the only guy with this idea either. So I waited in line for a really long time while everyone in front of me got their limos booked and deposits made and all that crap... the place was almost closed by the time I got to the front of the line, but I got the booking done. Phew.

So on prom day, I got the flowers and the limo and picked her up at her house. And she loved it. We hit it right off, we had a great time. We stepped out of the limo at the hotel feeling like we were movie stars or something. It was amazing.

We walked inside and sat down at our table. And my date says to me, "hey, want to go get me a glass of punch?" and I'm like sure... I spent most of a day getting you flowers and a limo, that's easy, I'll be right back. No problem.

So I stroll over to the table with the refreshments on it but there was no punch line.

 

[OOD]

That text looks interesting. Someone make it an appropriate length for me.

 

[Strings]

That text looks interesting. Someone make it an appropriate length for me.

He stood in line. Then he didn't.
...
I guess this story needs the fluff.

 

[gee]

The joke really works better in person.

Especially since you can get the instant "what the fuck, that was it? Fuck off" reaction.

 

[wetwillie]

The joke really works better in person.

Especially since you can get the instant "what the fuck, that was it? Fuck off" reaction.

We can tell you Fuck OFF remotely just fine.

Cute joke albeit not new to me.

 

[gee]

We can tell you Fuck OFF remotely just fine.

Cute joke albeit not new to me.

Welcome to the bad joke thread.

 

[kiwi]

I was walking home last night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Three girls walked up to me and explained they were too scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk with me. I told them, “I understand, I used to get freaked out too... when I was alive. “

I’ve never seen someone run so fast.

 

[OOD]

A guy was walking through the woods minding his own business when he fell into a big hole. When he hit the bottom he said "dumbass hole" and the hole said "I pity the fool"

 

[Strings]

 

[OOD]

It may be the worst joke I've ever told. I don't know whether to be proud our ashamed.

 

[Strings]

It may be the worst joke I've ever told. I don't know whether to be proud our ashamed.

Always be proud of yourself, OOD. Its priceless.
Unless you're an asshole. That can cost ya.

 

[nukes]

Always be proud of yourself, OOD. Its priceless.
Unless you're an asshole. That can cost ya.

Amen.

 

[wetwillie]

Teen boy is spanking it and catches in his hand.
[Lookin at hand]"Aw, you guys could have become doctors, scientist, good people who made the world better."
[Wiping said hand on other]"On the other hand, you might have had terrible lives, full of disease and pain. I'm going to give you another chance."
SLURP!

 

[nukes]

There goes lunch.

 

[Strings]

There goes lunch.

Never mind....

 

[Strings]

Meh. Its not working.

 

[nukes]

Meh. Its not working.

That's what SHE said.