NSFW UF pawrn movie
- Thread starter Petunia
- Start date
Mean Mr. Mustard
Always shouts out something obscene
Mean Mr. Mustard
Always shouts out something obscene
Jehannum
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Valve1138
I like the AB in the GB
This whole thing sounds very unsanitary.
We were fine till you entered the scene.
@Mr. Argumentor still has no idea what the fuck he's witnessing. But off in the distance he hears the whistle of a turbo spooling up, followed by a loud bang, a bunch of clanking and silence. Taking the opportunity to get the fuck away from the situation unfolding, and sensing the opportunity to actually make some money with his tow business, he hops in his truck and leaves the scene, following the trail of oil and car parts.
Next, an old pickup truck with Texas plates pulls up. Out hops another bearded weirdo, covered in sawdust and reeking of varnish.
@Valve1138, annoyed that he's being dong-blocked for the second time now, asks "oh come on, who the fuck are you now?"
"Howdy. I'm the moderator. They were supposed to hire this Canadian guy to help me, and they've been promising me that for over a decade now, but here I am by myself having to deal with this shit."
Next, an old pickup truck with Texas plates pulls up. Out hops another bearded weirdo, covered in sawdust and reeking of varnish.
@Valve1138, annoyed that he's being dong-blocked for the second time now, asks "oh come on, who the fuck are you now?"
"Howdy. I'm the moderator. They were supposed to hire this Canadian guy to help me, and they've been promising me that for over a decade now, but here I am by myself having to deal with this shit."
Valve1138
I like the AB in the GB
Syrup Beaver
pants log
It was that exact moment that everyone realized that the aforementioned piss flaps (catchers mitt) had become entangled with the tow trucks PTO, and begun stretching far beyond what could seem possible.
Jehannum
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Mean Mr. Mustard
Always shouts out something obscene
Sawdust Texas immediately springs into action and attempts to detach the piss flaps from the tow truck with his Buck knife. There's so much to cut through and so little time before the catcher herself starts to be dragged away like some sort of hate crime.
Meanwhile, @Valve1138 grabs hold of the strap-on with all his might. He already lost his #PROFESSIONALGRADE truck in the divorce, and he wasn't about to lose this #PROFESSIONALGRADE dildo too. As he gets dragged up the street behind @Petunia, he manages to grab hold of a yield sign with his legs.
@Petunia's roast beef stretches out like a giant rubber band, and he begins to lose his grip. He winces in pain as the rhinestones scratch his sweaty delicate palms, but he squeezes tighter and tighter, trying his hardest to hold on...
Suddenly the yield sign breaks loose.
@Petunia's roast beef stretches out like a giant rubber band, and he begins to lose his grip. He winces in pain as the rhinestones scratch his sweaty delicate palms, but he squeezes tighter and tighter, trying his hardest to hold on...
Suddenly the yield sign breaks loose.
It was awfully nice of the truck driver, Asa as I learned on the way home, to drop me off. Mrs (now Ms. I guess at this point) Valve left me with nothing but a very painful toy and what used to be a mode of transportation, but I only have one of those things to look forward to tonight since the car is now on the back of a tow truck.
It did seem strange that Asa had his friend, @Petunia , riding with him to his tow jobs. She is a simple and happy soul that had a very canine penchant to rolling down the windows to stick her head out and smiling like a goof. She seems very easy to be around so I didn't mind when Asa asked if I minded sharing the seat with her for the ride back to my place.
As we pulled up to the apartment building, I felt terribly ashamed. I am not very proud of my current and hopefully temporary living arrangement. The apartment complex isn't the safest or nicest compound in the underbelly of the city, but I try to make it home (for now).
I just hope my roommate @Mr. Argumentor was off to whatever import car show was going on in the city at that time. He has a nose for finding nitrous and skanky women. I didn't want my day any worse than it already was hearing another one of his droning stories to top off my day of doom and despair.
"Mind if I take a wizz? We have been on the road all day and this Red Bull is running right through me," Petunia exclaimed a bit too excitedly.
"Over there down the hall. Please be careful," I embarrassingly say. Mr Argumentor has left car parts everywhere in the living room. Asa, however, seems quite interested in the parts, studying them carefully. Maybe he is wondering what cars they are for. At this point, even I don't know. Hopefully something is here in this pile that will fix my wreck.
The embarrassment reaches a climax when, while studying the piles of tools and parts, he glances over to see part of my "tool". I must have left it out last time I was using the rhinestone studded phallus. When I discover what his eyes gazed down upon, I gasp in horror and rush over to hide the Weapon of Ass Destruction underneath the ripped up couch cushion, moving faster than Ushan Bolt. Waves of anxiety grip my soul as I start to panic about what Asa might have seen.
Then I jump up and back as I feel Asa's hand on my shoulder.
"Are you ok?" he asks inquisitively.
I must have shocked him to see me reacting so quickly. I was nodding off in the truck on the drive home from Ubering around hyperactive people all day, like this woman Kiki, who would just get more and more excitable as I feigned any interest in what she was saying. After a long draining day of passengers like that, my jumping up at the apartment must have caught Asa by surprise.
"I-I'm fine. Really," I stammer out.
Asa smiles a gentle smile. Even from a distance he has a comforting presence. But at this distance, through my panting breath (I really need to workout more), I can see my savior of the day in full glory.
His grey sweatpants are ripped a little bit here and there with some grease stains, but not in a sloppy way. It's clear he works hard and takes his job seriously. Very hard it seems because even through the sweatpants you can see a built musculature that would otherwise be quite intimidating if he wasn't such a calm soul. Even with something as baggy as sweatpants, there are lumps. Must be an overstuffed wallet in his front pocket, or maybe a large bottle of water or something. Moving up his flannel that is also ripped up a bit and greasy (this must have been a long day for him, too) but is opened half way. Now his physique really becomes apparent. I think the reason the top half of the buttons go unused is because his massive furry chest would stress them to the point of failure in containing his body. An absolute unit of a man his sleeves are begging for mercy from the strain of his biceps.
I continue up to meet his face. He's smiling at me again through his scruff. But this smile is different than before (he always seems to be smiling). Something seems devilish as he turns up the corners of his mouth. His eyes pierce mine, trying to read my mind it seems. I cower in anxiety and fear but he slowly approaches me, wrapping me in his large arms. In an instant I am comforted. I am stunned in how easily I fall into his arms with ease.
"It's ok. Really it is. REALLY it is," Asa insists. As he says this, I start to feel warmth where that water bottle was in his front pocket and feel it twitch and shutter. Wait. Is that what I think it is? Surely not!
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