Lessons Learned from 80s Movies

I learned that they only come out at night, mostly.

I learned that uptight, spoiled, space princesses can become hotter than shit when placed in a leather and metal bikini.

I learned that it's a good thing for older women and teachers to bang their young, teenaged male students or son's friends. WHEN DID THIS STOP BEING THE CASE?!?

I learned that branch coral, when painted brown and properly applied to the head with wood screws, can make a small child look like a reindeer.
 
I learned that if you put a mouse in a bottle of beer and bring it back to the brewery, they have to give you a free case of beer.

I learned that a mix of Kentucky Blue Grass and Hawiian Sensimilla will allow you to go out and play 36 holes of golf during the day, and then get stoned as a bejesus at night.

I learned that people on 'ludes should not drive.

I learned that Czechoslavakia is like Wisconsin, you zip in, you zip out, unless you once got your ass kicked in Wisconsin, then you need an EM50 Urban Assault Vehicle.
 
I learned dancing will help almost any situation even a ban on dancing. Plus there will be a good chance that everyone around me will know all the dance steps too even if I've never met them before. When the dance is over don't talk about the dance.
 
A Christmas Story taught me to not put up with Bullies and that I'll probably shoot my eye out.

Bachelor Party taught me what a donkey show was.

Crossroads taught me that the only way to beat the devil is to play classical guitar.
 
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