Bad Joke Monday

ZRH

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bast_imret said:
If it defies descrpition, how did the narrator describe her??? :shifty:
THERE YA GO!

I had a whole book of philosophical jokes once. I wish I could find it.
 

InnerMuse

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SpyderGST said:
Lifted from another site, but relevant:

liquids-on-a-plane.jpg
:clap: 2 points!
 

zengirl

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I heard this one this morning:

If a mute swears, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
 

BeerAd

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Dont know if this a repeat but....


A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling
back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help
you sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies. The cop
asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" It wasss on the end
of thisshh key" the man replies. About that time the cop looks down and
sees the man's weiner hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without
missing a beat, blurts out.......... "I'll be damned ----- My
girlfriend's gone too!!"
 

ZRH

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InnerMuse said:
Final Call everyone!!

30 min. Warning!
Send in your last entries and prepare to be amazed! I've dredged up some great prizes for you this month. :heart:
Yuh huh.

In a foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens - he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention - so he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem..."
 

BeerAd

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FlamingGloryHole said:
Yuh huh.

In a foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens - he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention - so he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem..."

LOL, jackass
 

ZRH

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Old:


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle leve to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
 

ZRH

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Perceptions of the election have also been undermined by the fatal shooting last month of a former Nazarbayev loyalist who had become a prominent opposition figure. He was found dead at his home in Almaty with two gunshot wounds in the chest and one in the head. The police officials have suggested that the death was a suicide.

(from The New York Times, December 5, 2005)
 

water

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So the Mormon Prophet, a Jewish Rabbi, and the Pope are fishing together on a quiet lake. The Prophet realizes that he needs to use the restroom, so stands up, steps off the side of the boat, and casually walks on the water to bank where the bathroom is, a few minutes later he walks casually back.

After a while the Rabbi decides he also needs to use the restroom, so he politely excuses himself, steps off the side of the boat, walks on the water to the bank, then returns as if everything is fine.

The Pope, not wanting to outdone by his friends, and also in need of using the restroom, musters his courage and jumps over the side into the water, sinking immediately under the waves.

The Prophet turns to the Rabbi and says "Didn't you tell him where the rocks were?"