FYI Pewp in this thread when you're pewpin
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Jehannum
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
nukes
I Eat Buttholes Raw
nukes
I Eat Buttholes Raw
Jehannum
Puts the "pro" in procrastination
Mean Mr. Mustard
Always shouts out something obscene
Just ruined the air quality in the mens room for the forseeable future
Valve1138
I like the AB in the GB
Valve1138
I like the AB in the GB
Great Moments In Poop History
Reader Michelle sends in this story I call POOPACAINE:
I had just started working in this particular dental office, and like all I others I had worked before it, it had on/off switches for the compressor that runs our equipment, as well as water for the entire building. At the end of each day, one of the assistants would shut off everything as they leave if most people are out of the building. While I generally prefer to avoid pooping at work, Friday afternoon traffic in the city is a motherfucker, and I wanted to be comfortable for my commute home.
I have no idea what constitutes a normal poop schedule, but I bet it’s not once every three days. For whatever reason, that’s about how long it had been, and my body started making indications that I should delay no further. I’ve heard my son and husband mention how after pooping they inspect their work, and this is something that hadn’t really occurred to me to do. But it was hard not to notice that I had produced the longest, largest singular turd of my life. The top of it poked straight out of the water. I was mildly impressed/concerned that it wouldn’t go down in one flush (no one wants to be a double-flusher). What I didn’t realize is my concern should have been that it would NOT FLUSH AT ALL because someone had already turned the water off. This was a premature action, as there were still several of us in the building, including my boss, whose office is right next to our bathroom, and his kids, who use that bathroom.
Being that is was Friday afternoon, I couldn’t just leave it there. Also, I had visions of one of the kids running in there immediately after my exit and screaming bloody murder. I didn’t know what to do. I stared at it. It stared back. Eventually, I decided my only option was to mummify it in 700 paper towels, and put the now-football sized package of death in my labcoat, and toss it in the dumpster on the way to my car.
As I left the bathroom, one of my newly-established coworkers called out to me from her room. I walked over, not quite entering, hovering with the stance of someone who is definitely leaving right now. I have no idea what it was that she was enthusiastically chatting to me about because my attention was on the right side of my lab coat where my precious cargo was. I had my body turned unnaturally away so as to put more distance between it and her. Every step she took in my direction I countered with a step back. Could she smell it? I had no idea. But I guess not, because she ended her speech by walking over to me and GIVING ME A HUG. There was no good reaction to this. I instinctively arched my back and slipped away from her the way my asshole cat does anytime I try to pet him. I was sweating by this point, and said something that probably made no sense about having to leave right this second, and made a run for it.
I lobbed that fucker into the dumpster, stood there for a second, then chucked my lab coat in after it.
I dunno whether to admire your conscientiousness or remind you to LEAVE all poop in the toilet, no matter the circumstances.
Reader Michelle sends in this story I call POOPACAINE:
I had just started working in this particular dental office, and like all I others I had worked before it, it had on/off switches for the compressor that runs our equipment, as well as water for the entire building. At the end of each day, one of the assistants would shut off everything as they leave if most people are out of the building. While I generally prefer to avoid pooping at work, Friday afternoon traffic in the city is a motherfucker, and I wanted to be comfortable for my commute home.
I have no idea what constitutes a normal poop schedule, but I bet it’s not once every three days. For whatever reason, that’s about how long it had been, and my body started making indications that I should delay no further. I’ve heard my son and husband mention how after pooping they inspect their work, and this is something that hadn’t really occurred to me to do. But it was hard not to notice that I had produced the longest, largest singular turd of my life. The top of it poked straight out of the water. I was mildly impressed/concerned that it wouldn’t go down in one flush (no one wants to be a double-flusher). What I didn’t realize is my concern should have been that it would NOT FLUSH AT ALL because someone had already turned the water off. This was a premature action, as there were still several of us in the building, including my boss, whose office is right next to our bathroom, and his kids, who use that bathroom.
Being that is was Friday afternoon, I couldn’t just leave it there. Also, I had visions of one of the kids running in there immediately after my exit and screaming bloody murder. I didn’t know what to do. I stared at it. It stared back. Eventually, I decided my only option was to mummify it in 700 paper towels, and put the now-football sized package of death in my labcoat, and toss it in the dumpster on the way to my car.
As I left the bathroom, one of my newly-established coworkers called out to me from her room. I walked over, not quite entering, hovering with the stance of someone who is definitely leaving right now. I have no idea what it was that she was enthusiastically chatting to me about because my attention was on the right side of my lab coat where my precious cargo was. I had my body turned unnaturally away so as to put more distance between it and her. Every step she took in my direction I countered with a step back. Could she smell it? I had no idea. But I guess not, because she ended her speech by walking over to me and GIVING ME A HUG. There was no good reaction to this. I instinctively arched my back and slipped away from her the way my asshole cat does anytime I try to pet him. I was sweating by this point, and said something that probably made no sense about having to leave right this second, and made a run for it.
I lobbed that fucker into the dumpster, stood there for a second, then chucked my lab coat in after it.
I dunno whether to admire your conscientiousness or remind you to LEAVE all poop in the toilet, no matter the circumstances.
Petunia
COVID POSITIVE FOREVER
nukes
I Eat Buttholes Raw
Keep this up and you'll need roto rooter.
Never good to hold anything in because you worry what someone else might think.
Petunia
COVID POSITIVE FOREVER
You probably have twelve pounds of poop in your abdomen right now.
i haven't held it in for one week... it just hasn't been a colossal dump which i thoroughly enjoy
I've been dropping little pellets here and there when he's not paying attention
THIS IS ALOT OF WORK
i have no idea how i will poop once we finally move in together in a few months
i will need to research this
nukes
I Eat Buttholes Raw
Find a nearby hotel which has an accessable bathroom in the lobby.