On Wednesday afternoon I was sitting in my office working on a spreadsheet when I felt two quick, deep pains within my chest. Immediately thereafter my heart stuttered pretty heavily, as though it had stopped and was firing back up again, and then my vision started to go black. Needless to say I was scared shitless. I stood up, it happened again, and I stumbled into the lawyer's office across the hall and told him to call an ambulance, convinced I was about to die at 32.
The paramedics arrived, ran some tests, asked me if I had consumed any caffeine or been under a lot of stress, two leading causes of arrythmia, and then politely informed me that there was nothing wrong. "On the contrary, my good men," I replied, twisting the ends of my mustache, "Chest pains and loss of consciousness are not a part of my daily regimen." Off they went, however, and I was left to my own wits and devices.
I took yesterday off to clean all the embarrassing porn off my computer at home and go to the doctor. Neither the cardiologist nor the general practitioner I went to see were able to offer any satisfactory explanations, and their ECG tests showed nothing. It wasn't until a random conversation today with another attorney at my firm (one specialized in estates, which I found...amusing) that a light went on over my head.
She has a condition called mitral valve prolapse, and first began experiencing symptoms in her late 20s. They are identical to what I experienced, and she admitted that when it first happend she was scared shitless and assumed she was about to die. It wasn't until her third round of tests that it was pinpointed, when the doctor decided to take a sonogram of her heart so he could troubleshoot it in real time with a digital image. Not once did any of the motherfuckers mention a sonogram yesterday.
I'm not sure if this is what I have yet, but I will be going in for the sonogram pretty soon to see. All other tests have shown a normal, healthy heart but so far the "wait and see" prognosis isn't working out very well for me as I haven't slept much in two days.
I will also be taking advantage of my firm's free wills for employees policy so I'm not forced to write a quick note on my bedroom wall as I'm passing out.
The lessons here?
1. Don't listen to paramedics or cardiologists when it comes to your heart. Listen to lawyers who specialize in death.
2. Get a will drafted.
3. If I suddenly drop dead, thanks for all the lolz. Pity noodz from Juli before I die, please.
The paramedics arrived, ran some tests, asked me if I had consumed any caffeine or been under a lot of stress, two leading causes of arrythmia, and then politely informed me that there was nothing wrong. "On the contrary, my good men," I replied, twisting the ends of my mustache, "Chest pains and loss of consciousness are not a part of my daily regimen." Off they went, however, and I was left to my own wits and devices.
I took yesterday off to clean all the embarrassing porn off my computer at home and go to the doctor. Neither the cardiologist nor the general practitioner I went to see were able to offer any satisfactory explanations, and their ECG tests showed nothing. It wasn't until a random conversation today with another attorney at my firm (one specialized in estates, which I found...amusing) that a light went on over my head.
She has a condition called mitral valve prolapse, and first began experiencing symptoms in her late 20s. They are identical to what I experienced, and she admitted that when it first happend she was scared shitless and assumed she was about to die. It wasn't until her third round of tests that it was pinpointed, when the doctor decided to take a sonogram of her heart so he could troubleshoot it in real time with a digital image. Not once did any of the motherfuckers mention a sonogram yesterday.
I'm not sure if this is what I have yet, but I will be going in for the sonogram pretty soon to see. All other tests have shown a normal, healthy heart but so far the "wait and see" prognosis isn't working out very well for me as I haven't slept much in two days.
I will also be taking advantage of my firm's free wills for employees policy so I'm not forced to write a quick note on my bedroom wall as I'm passing out.
The lessons here?
1. Don't listen to paramedics or cardiologists when it comes to your heart. Listen to lawyers who specialize in death.
2. Get a will drafted.
3. If I suddenly drop dead, thanks for all the lolz. Pity noodz from Juli before I die, please.