Jebus!!
- Thread starter *Fuxx Burger*
- Start date
It's quite exciting. I was afraid that I'd see someone with binoculars in one of the houses across the way. Only because we watch them with binoculars though...*Fuxx Burger* said:
creepy!!CletusJones said:It's quite exciting. I was afraid that I'd see someone with binoculars in one of the houses across the way. Only because we watch them with binoculars though...
I like it
Wanna be our neighbours
Not when he is in the US adn I am in Canada.Galen said:
And the only reason we are apart is because we are waiting for the immigration papers to go through.
Living out west after school was way too expensive. So I get to live with mum and dad for a few months.
Oh the joy
When will you be moving in? I need to get there early.*Fuxx Burger* said:creepy!!
I like it
Wanna be our neighbours
Mid Oct... unless I move down early... which is a good option right nowCletusJones said:When will you be moving in? I need to get there early.
Ah. You see, flights within the EU for myself would cost very little. That same distance would be in the region of around 250 Euro, which is not bad at all.*Fuxx Burger* said:Not when he is in the US adn I am in Canada.
And the only reason we are apart is because we are waiting for the immigration papers to go through.
Living out west after school was way too expensive. So I get to live with mum and dad for a few months.
Oh the joy
I'll let you know in about a month... FB hasnt found an appt that we can both agree on...CletusJones said:
of course the one I want is "out of our price range"
pft!
DirkPhoenix
Flaccid Member
Here's a rough cut of a new Front Page story:
Men's Survival Guide - Chapter 1: The Red River Cometh
Alright guys, it's that time of the month again. No, not for you. For her. Hoist the curtains, batten down the freezers, and get ready to ride the storm out. While we'd love to be able to simply call it a week, go crash at a buddy's house and pretend that the whole thing was just a horrible dream, as men it is our solemn duty to deal with this situation. The fairer sex, a bastion of love and joy, has gone insane. Here's a quick guide to survive the bloody battle axe wound.
The Pre-Game: Days before the dam breaks, you will start to see signs of the impending doom. Your significant other will show signs of wear-and-tear. Take this time to prepare. Wrap up any loose arguments, pack the fridge with all her favorite snacks. If she's "on a diet" (female codewords for "I want to eat everything covered in chocolate but I don't want you to point it out.") then God help you. Ask a female co-worker to buy you some Midol and a John Grisham novel. Throw in $5 so she can get her hair "did".
Step 1: Fights! Foot-Rubs! No Action!
The lights dim, thunder rolls over the sky, a lone vulture sweeps overhead. The door opens. She stands with legs at shoulder-width, holding a magazine. "Why do you have to put the damn magazines on the back of the toilet? I put the wicker basket there for a reason! In fact, why the fuck do you have to read in the bathroom in the first place, I mean blah blah blood blah..." It's happened. No turning back, no leaving to go for "something at the store". Time to employ the Three Ps: Pretend, Pander, and aPpease.
Pretend you care about what she says: "I'm so sorry, baby. I guess I just didn't notice."
Pander to her feelings: "I really shouldn't be so inconsiderate when you do so much for us."
Appease her with something she likes: "Here, let me make it up to you. How about we watch The Bridges of Madison County...together."
It may seem severe, but a good stiff drink or five will make any chick-flick seem like a Jenna Jameson orgy. For the cause!
Step 2: Misdirection
General Patton once said, "No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." If you have picked up on any of her ramblings about her enemies, you hopefully remembered at least one name. Use it. When she's upset that you left the seat up or that you used her Massengil to kill off that anthill in the front yard, drop in a "How's <insert name> doing?" If nothing else, it will buy you enough time to proceed to...
Step 3: Buy Her Off
Women are material creatures. Anything shiny, that costs a month's salary and has no external use other than to show off to her fat friends, is fair game. If you know you're going into a fight, any good soldier goes prepared. After work (and the strip club), make a stop to a jewelry store. After making a big-ass deal over their prices, go to Wal-Mart. Great prices, earthy atmosphere, and a good place to stock up. Ask the homely granny behind the counter "for something that would make the love of my life feel as special as I know she is." Try not to vomit.
In the end, no one can escape the Red Beast. All you can do is prepare. Remember the Three Ps. When in trouble, misdirect her estrogen-induced anger. Buy her shit. In the end, we all know who's the sane one in the relationship, and as GI Joe taught us "Knowing is half the battle."
Yo Joe!
Men's Survival Guide - Chapter 1: The Red River Cometh
Alright guys, it's that time of the month again. No, not for you. For her. Hoist the curtains, batten down the freezers, and get ready to ride the storm out. While we'd love to be able to simply call it a week, go crash at a buddy's house and pretend that the whole thing was just a horrible dream, as men it is our solemn duty to deal with this situation. The fairer sex, a bastion of love and joy, has gone insane. Here's a quick guide to survive the bloody battle axe wound.
The Pre-Game: Days before the dam breaks, you will start to see signs of the impending doom. Your significant other will show signs of wear-and-tear. Take this time to prepare. Wrap up any loose arguments, pack the fridge with all her favorite snacks. If she's "on a diet" (female codewords for "I want to eat everything covered in chocolate but I don't want you to point it out.") then God help you. Ask a female co-worker to buy you some Midol and a John Grisham novel. Throw in $5 so she can get her hair "did".
Step 1: Fights! Foot-Rubs! No Action!
The lights dim, thunder rolls over the sky, a lone vulture sweeps overhead. The door opens. She stands with legs at shoulder-width, holding a magazine. "Why do you have to put the damn magazines on the back of the toilet? I put the wicker basket there for a reason! In fact, why the fuck do you have to read in the bathroom in the first place, I mean blah blah blood blah..." It's happened. No turning back, no leaving to go for "something at the store". Time to employ the Three Ps: Pretend, Pander, and aPpease.
Pretend you care about what she says: "I'm so sorry, baby. I guess I just didn't notice."
Pander to her feelings: "I really shouldn't be so inconsiderate when you do so much for us."
Appease her with something she likes: "Here, let me make it up to you. How about we watch The Bridges of Madison County...together."
It may seem severe, but a good stiff drink or five will make any chick-flick seem like a Jenna Jameson orgy. For the cause!
Step 2: Misdirection
General Patton once said, "No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." If you have picked up on any of her ramblings about her enemies, you hopefully remembered at least one name. Use it. When she's upset that you left the seat up or that you used her Massengil to kill off that anthill in the front yard, drop in a "How's <insert name> doing?" If nothing else, it will buy you enough time to proceed to...
Step 3: Buy Her Off
Women are material creatures. Anything shiny, that costs a month's salary and has no external use other than to show off to her fat friends, is fair game. If you know you're going into a fight, any good soldier goes prepared. After work (and the strip club), make a stop to a jewelry store. After making a big-ass deal over their prices, go to Wal-Mart. Great prices, earthy atmosphere, and a good place to stock up. Ask the homely granny behind the counter "for something that would make the love of my life feel as special as I know she is." Try not to vomit.
In the end, no one can escape the Red Beast. All you can do is prepare. Remember the Three Ps. When in trouble, misdirect her estrogen-induced anger. Buy her shit. In the end, we all know who's the sane one in the relationship, and as GI Joe taught us "Knowing is half the battle."
Yo Joe!