Bad Jokes

[ZRH]

One of the supervisors at this job I'm at likes to start the morning powwow with a Dad Joke. I swear I've heard a couple of them here before.
He's gonna be out on Sunday so I'm gonna start the festivities with the quesadillas/buenosdillas one. I hope it bombs.

I use them to pick up girls.

Dad jokes and sandwiches.

 

[gee]

Is a 3 foot CAT5 cable a lanyard?

 

[Jehannum]

I asked @AppleTurkey, "Do you think this cup is half empty or half full", and she said, "For the love of God, will you stop putting on my bras?"

 

[Strings]

Before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

 

[Jehannum]

Wrote a book on falling down the stairs.

It's a step by step guide.

 

[Jehannum]

There are hot dads in your area...

And they're looking right now for who touched the thermostat.

 

[Jehannum]

My favorite memory from childhood was building sandcastles with my grandfather.

It was great, right up until my grandmother took the urn away.

 

[Jehannum]

What's the difference between a circus and a strip club?

A circus has a cunning array of stunts.

 

[Jehannum]

How do you know when there's a singer at the door?

He can't find the key and really doesn't know where to come in anyway.

 

[Strings]

How do you know a drummer is at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

 

[Jehannum]

There's no over-the-air TV signal in Afghanistan.

All the citizens get basic Kabul.

 

[Jehannum]

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, right up until the librarian came by and asked me to take it out.

 

[tre]

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, right up until the librarian came by and asked me to take it out.

I already posted that one weeks ago. Hopefully you picked a different page than I did.

 

[Jehannum]

I already posted that one weeks ago. Hopefully you picked a different page than I did.

I walked into a library and asked the librarian, “do you have that book for men with small penises?”

The librarian looked on her computer and said, “I don’t think it’s in yet.”

I said, “Yea that’s the one”

 

[ZRH]

What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets?


A woman.

 

[Jehannum]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

Don't tell me that's a coincidence.

 

[Jehannum]

The little boy made of pasta who came to life was named Pi-gnocchi-o.

 

[Jehannum]

I already posted that one weeks ago. Hopefully you picked a different page than I did.

Got a letter with 13 stamps on it, so I knew there was a terrible dad joke inside, because it'd already been re-posted 12 times before.

 

[tre]

Police have confirmed that the man who fell from the roof of the nightclub and died was not a bouncer.

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]