HR departments are like company cops. We can play dirty if we really want to get someone fired. Well its unethical, but oh so easy.Ill have Shelly in your HR dept plant some heroin in your pencil cup. Enjoy!
RING RING
"Hello? This is Yolanda Esmeralda Kaneesha Villa Lobos, Turner HR. How may I help you?"
"Yo, it's Ape. How are things in Atlanta?"
"Hey giiiiiiirlllll. How's that gay not-a-husband of yours?"
"He's all good, Yo. I've been giving up the butt lately so I think he won't be trading me in for the neighbors 13 year old son"
"I'm so glad, giiiiiirllllll. You so deserve to be happy! What can I do for you?"
"Well, it's that time again. We need to do something to WaW"
"Oh hell ya, girl. I saw that Jewish Ginger walking through the food court yesterday, checking out the girls like he was Hugh Heffner in some blue blood finishing school"
"That would be him. Any chance we can make some kind of sexual harassment thing stick on him?"
"oh, for suuuuuuure giiiiirrrrllllll. He's been coming up to Nancy Grace every day, asking her to put on her Dancing With The Stars outfit and go drinking with him in some basement bar of his home. Did you know he didn't even get it inspected?"
"His condo, yeah"
"No, Nancy Grace's vagina! Anyway, yeah, I'm sure she'll fill out any form I give her. She's banging Ted T. on the side now, and I've got the photocopies from when they last bumped uglies on the photocopier on the 5th floor. And when I say uglies, boy, do I mean uglies!"
"Thanks, Yo. Your the best"
"You know it April giiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrlllllll. And tell that homeless brother of yours I can't wait for our video chat. I picked up something new from the Walmart lingerie department. It's a pattern called 'Cheetah Eats Zebra On The Savannah'. I know he'll like it."