Transcript of my asian friend's Saturday night

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water

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Oct 29, 2004
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it wasn’t the best weekend imaginable. My core friends are either too far away to meet or busy with other issues. So in a trek to meet interesting people, I accepted an invitation from a fellow-resident at my apartments, we’ll call him Bob. This early-twenties guy seemed OK, kind of nonsensically talkative though. New… but not quite an interesting acquaintance. But I digress. …

I ask about the Asianesque population and where they might hang out on a Friday night. We go to a Scottsdale club where Bob says his Asian girlfriend is. It looks pretty nice, more like the kind of place I’d be if I were still in college, but nice.

I stay low key, and hang back against the wall enjoying the music and talking to fellow “blackheads.” All seems well until of course, all Hell breaks loose behind our little crowd. A young attractive female instinctively jumps behind me to get away from the ruckus. No problem by me, since I knew I had no plans of getting involved in the drunken brawl anyway. That is…until the tornado of hands, feet, sweat and hair slowly moves in our direction.

Hands fly as the apparent Caucasian vs. Asian flurry with which I am not involved edges closer and closer. My hands rise passively, showing no aggression, but maintaining defense. I slowly step back to gain distance, but the path is blocked by the young female as she’s nearly against the wall. A mere 4 feet away from a 3 on 3, I hope to high Heaven that nobody trips, falls or is knocked my way.
But of course, a young white male with his back turned towards me is randomly hit from behind. His Asian attacker didn’t have the decency to at least stick around to be identified as the victim’s assailant. So since we all look alike, he spins my way and drunkenly thinks I’m his low life sucker puncher. He lunges at me where I quickly entertain 3 choices:

A) Perform an inward block against his outer forearm counter with a low roundhouse to the midsection and finish with a left diagonal to his right jaw.
B) Perform a left outward block and counter with a sidekick to his lead leg knee followed by a rear uppercut to his center line.
C) Duck straight down and let the innocent Asian girl hiding behind me get a face full of fist.
Now let’s analyze…. A and B were without doubt (2) very well-planned choices, but were limited by several factors:

A) I didn’t want to get involved
B) I really didn’t want to get involved
C) I just scrubbed my Pumas and didn’t feel like smudging them…you don’t know where these people have been
So I’m sorry ladies, chivalry is dead and I’m a jerk for at least this moment. I ducked straight down and to his outside. Apparently sober enough to see the result of his missed attack find an unintended target. The poor girl was smashed in the face pretty good by that single punch.

The other Asians saw the hit and proceeded to demonstrate their displeasure with the ordeal which manifested in what could only be compared to the nature channel’s giant spider vs. an ant army episode.

The single attacker, and his 2 friends were slaughtered by an onslaught of 5-foot nothing thugs. I quietly remove myself from the area and find Bob. We pay the tab and head out.
Lesson learned: Don’t be another Asian in a pool of other probably not-so-friendly Asian. I could’ve been mistaken for a gang member or something, or at least be accused of something I didn’t do!
My review of this Scottsdale club? Not too bad mixes of top 40 and hip hop. Drinks are high priced but not surprising for the area. Lighting not ideal for being able to exclude someone from identifying you as the bad guy.
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To clarify: my friend is the multiple-style black belt who I've been training with, and he was explaining his "options" with that much detail as a joke intended for me more than anyone else.
 
fly said:
wtf, he seems a little hefty to be some marshall arts badass. :lol:

Points for letting the bitch get knocked in the mouth.
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That's what I thought at first as well, but f the dude kicked you he'd probably break you (literally).
 
kiwi said:
It's even better if you read the story in his voice.
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As the Protagonist of this mini-biography, I would be happy to indulge.....

So it de the best weekend imagining. Me velly velly goood fliends are eider too far away to meet or busy with odah issues. So in a tlek to meet intelesting people, I accept de invitation flom a fellow-lesident at my apartments, we call him Bob, the tall American GI. This ealy-twenties guy seem OK, kind of nonsensically talkative though. New… but not quite an intelesting acquaintance. But I digless. …

I ask about de Asianesque population(blackheads) and where they might hang out on a Fliday night. We go to a Scottsdale club where Bob say he Asian girlfriend(and how much she costs plus actual S&H) is. It look pletty nice, more like the kind of place I’d be if I were still in college, but nice.

I stay lowon de key, and hang back against the wall enjoy the American disco music and talk to fellow “blackheads.” We swap lots of lecipe for meow “meow ruff ruff”(slang for um… Great tasting Protein Entrees) All look well until of couse, all Hell the break loose behind our little crowd. A young attlactive female instinctive jump behind me to get away from the luckus. No problem by me, since I know I no want get bang bang kill kill die die anyway. That is…until the tan tornado of hands, feet, soy sweat and spiked gel hair slowly moves in our direction.

Fists of Judo fly as the apparent ekwensuorcha(white) vs. Asian flully with which I am no involving edges closer and closer. My hands lise passively, showing no agglession, but maintaining defense. I slowly step back to avoise, but the path is blocked by the little jap girlie nearly against the wall. A mere 4 feet away(also the average height in the club I might add) from a 3 on 3, I hope to high Heaven that nobody tlips, falls or is knocked my way.

But of course, a young ekwensuorcha(white) male with his back turned towards me is landomly hit from behind. His Asian attacker(probably my cousin) do not have the decent to at least stick alound to be identify as the victim’s assailant. So Pinsavanh looks like Thuy, Hoang looks like Pinsavanh and I look Sakimoto, he spins my way and drunkenly thinks I’m his low life sucker puncher. He lunges at me where I quickly entertain 3 choices:

A) Perform an inward crane hand block against his outer forearm counter with a low cobra kick to the 2nd meridian(disrupting his chi) and finish with a left mantis fist to his jaw.
B) Perform a left hwa fist block and counter with shadowless kick to his lead leg knee followed by a shoryuken(The one that goes straight up when you press all 3 kick buttons, not the repeated mini ones)
C) Duck straight down and let the innocent Asian girl hiding behind me get a face full of fist.
Now let’s analyze…. A and B were without doubt (2) very well-planned choices, but were limited by several factors:

A) I no want porice come take mee
B) I really didn’t want porice come take mee
C) I just scrubbed my Pumas and didn’t feel like smudging them…you don’t know where these people have been
Me so sorry ladies, chivalry is dead and I’m a jerk for at least this moment.
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fly said:
wtf, he seems a little hefty to be some marshall arts badass. :lol:

Points for letting the bitch get knocked in the mouth.
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Don't appreciate that comment... I can't substantiate whether or not is was a broken nose or knocked out teeth. :confused:

Seriously though, I make light of the situation with at least the feeling of vindication that her other 5 foot relatives redeemed her.
 
fly said:
btw, i didn't know all this asian slang. Blackheads = :lol:
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That's actaully the translation in my language of how we can refer to other Asians... Khon Hoa dum. = "People with black heads"

Granted, it's not helping the cause... but you gotta have a sense of humor with all of the actual bigotry out there. Sometimes you cry, but you gotta laugh sometime.
 
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