The names and locations of this story have been changed for the sake of looking professional.
5 pm Monday
I told myself that if I was going to do it, it was going to be permanent. And red. Black is not a color associated with something going wrong on your dick, the store was all sold out of purple, and brown was just out of the question.
My name is elpmis, and I’m going to put red dots on my cock with a sharpie marker and get tested for STDs at the local Health Clinic.
8 am Tuesday
Fuck it’s early. Too early to be joking around at least, but this is how I get my kicks. I’m not satisfied with one liners at the dinner table, or making fun of each other while watching football on a Sunday afternoon. I have to go big. I’ve always gone big. But this, this would be the biggest fucking joke of them all. I arrived at the Health Clinic in Clearwater exactly 30 minutes after I woke up. Clearwater is in the goddamn ghetto. I walk in to the clinic and take a number. It was fucking packed. So packed, I had to squeeze in between two guys that could kick my ass if they wanted and could probably kill me with whatever disease they were having treated.
The wait was long, there were about 30 people in the waiting room for STD testing when I got there and they were serving 6 per hour. The couple to my left were arguing over who gave who what.
“Fucking Tony didn’t have shit on his junk motherfucker, that shit came from you.”
“Quiet bitch before I’m up outta here and leavin’ your ass.”
The gentlemen to my right was trying to trade his boosted cell phone and shoes with another’s wrist watch.
I sat perfectly still and stared at the wall.
I was getting nervous. These people probably had real problems while I was sitting there with ink on my dick.
“This cell phone be like 3 times what you payed for that watch yo.”
I sat perfectly still and stared at the wall.
11 am Tuesday
They called my number. I walk down a small hall with a nurse into an empty office that has a table and two chairs. We sit down.
“What brings you here sweetie?”
“I’ve got something going on that’s funny down there.”
“Are they bumps? Sores?”
“It’s a weird discoloration, I can’t explain it.”
She asks to see it so I show it to her, it looked even more gruesome in the poor lighting of the current room. She looked shocked.
“We’ll let the doctor figure that one out.”
The nurse took my blood for an HIV and Syphilis check. I had to piss in a cup for Gonorrea and Clamidia. They wouldn’t touch my cock anymore until I went into the doctor’s office, which was where I went after the tests. The doctor was an old quiet man, he looked German and had the accent to back up my assumption.
“Pull your pants and your underwear down son.”
He put on his glasses followed by a pair of white medical gloves. While I stood, he got down on one knee and put his face about six inches away from the marker masterpiece I had put on my cock. He smiled.
“Were you at a party last night, son?”
“Yes sir, how did you know?”
“I think your friends played a trick on you.”
“But sir, it burns when I pee.”
“Come back in 3 weeks if you wish, but I’d bet the bank after a good shower your “STD” will be all gone.”
I laughed so hard on the way back to my car that I dribbled a little out of my dick.
5 pm Monday
I told myself that if I was going to do it, it was going to be permanent. And red. Black is not a color associated with something going wrong on your dick, the store was all sold out of purple, and brown was just out of the question.
My name is elpmis, and I’m going to put red dots on my cock with a sharpie marker and get tested for STDs at the local Health Clinic.
8 am Tuesday
Fuck it’s early. Too early to be joking around at least, but this is how I get my kicks. I’m not satisfied with one liners at the dinner table, or making fun of each other while watching football on a Sunday afternoon. I have to go big. I’ve always gone big. But this, this would be the biggest fucking joke of them all. I arrived at the Health Clinic in Clearwater exactly 30 minutes after I woke up. Clearwater is in the goddamn ghetto. I walk in to the clinic and take a number. It was fucking packed. So packed, I had to squeeze in between two guys that could kick my ass if they wanted and could probably kill me with whatever disease they were having treated.
The wait was long, there were about 30 people in the waiting room for STD testing when I got there and they were serving 6 per hour. The couple to my left were arguing over who gave who what.
“Fucking Tony didn’t have shit on his junk motherfucker, that shit came from you.”
“Quiet bitch before I’m up outta here and leavin’ your ass.”
The gentlemen to my right was trying to trade his boosted cell phone and shoes with another’s wrist watch.
I sat perfectly still and stared at the wall.
I was getting nervous. These people probably had real problems while I was sitting there with ink on my dick.
“This cell phone be like 3 times what you payed for that watch yo.”
I sat perfectly still and stared at the wall.
11 am Tuesday
They called my number. I walk down a small hall with a nurse into an empty office that has a table and two chairs. We sit down.
“What brings you here sweetie?”
“I’ve got something going on that’s funny down there.”
“Are they bumps? Sores?”
“It’s a weird discoloration, I can’t explain it.”
She asks to see it so I show it to her, it looked even more gruesome in the poor lighting of the current room. She looked shocked.
“We’ll let the doctor figure that one out.”
The nurse took my blood for an HIV and Syphilis check. I had to piss in a cup for Gonorrea and Clamidia. They wouldn’t touch my cock anymore until I went into the doctor’s office, which was where I went after the tests. The doctor was an old quiet man, he looked German and had the accent to back up my assumption.
“Pull your pants and your underwear down son.”
He put on his glasses followed by a pair of white medical gloves. While I stood, he got down on one knee and put his face about six inches away from the marker masterpiece I had put on my cock. He smiled.
“Were you at a party last night, son?”
“Yes sir, how did you know?”
“I think your friends played a trick on you.”
“But sir, it burns when I pee.”
“Come back in 3 weeks if you wish, but I’d bet the bank after a good shower your “STD” will be all gone.”
I laughed so hard on the way back to my car that I dribbled a little out of my dick.
Holy shit! What inspired this? If you are going to go big, that's one way to do it.
