common thread

T

Thorn Bird

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May 24, 2005
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what do you think is the most contributing factor that ties you to the people you hang out with? groups of friends...what do you think is the number one characteristic/trait/influence that allows for a group of strangers to come together and enjoy being together? do things together? is it sharing the same hobbies? is it money? is it sense of humor? what is THE common thread among a group of friends? sense of adventure? grades? goals?
i have what i think, but i'd like to hear other opinions first.
 
that's a tough one, especially since I have distinctly different groups of friends.

I'd say the things that all share are enjoyment of doing things (be it drinking at a bar or going camping or having dinner together) and enjoyment of a good laugh. The thing that seems to keep it together though is a similar sense of values. That's a key to having a complementary sense of humour.

(and this thread made me want to listen to "Common People" by Pulp)
 
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I think being able to talk about the same types of things. Also being at the same point in life tends to help (and give you things to talk about).
 
I am like Jonny_B...I have different groups of friends that all have their special qualities.

My drinking friends
My going out to eat friends
My soccer friends
My life long friends

It seems to me with each group, it is just the fact that there is no drama. The times are good when we are together.
 
I think everyone here is pretty much saying that a group of friends are friends because they have something, anything in common. There is no 1 thing for all groups, but there has to be something for each group. Some will overlap, some will not.

I play pool with some guys and that is all we have in common. One is a Karaoke DJ - 42 yrs old, One is retired military 58 yrs old, One is a black business man 36 yrs old, One works for Caterpillar Construction and is about 50 yrs old and then there is me, IT/Data dork of 26 years old. All we have in common is liking pool and big boobs.

It's like that for each group, I have my nerd friends, sports friends, evil friends, orgy friends. There is always one thing incommon, but I have a lot of traits and a lot of different groups that I hang out with. It just depends.
 
This all kinda depends on your definition of friend...

With friends there's usually similarities in our sense of humor and core beliefs. There's usually some similarities in hobbies/interests with some of my friends, but we dont share all of the same interests. Personally I prefer it that way because that gives us more to talk about and allows oppertunity to learn new things and have new experiences.

With acquaintances I'm kinda all over the board. There's usually a shared interest that brings us together but not enough in common to really build a friendship on.
 
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My friends are all so different, it's hard to come up with something to tie them together. They're all from different cultural and financial backgrounds, they have different views on life, often opposing. Even the age range of my friends seems to float everywhere between 18 and 40. I guess the majority of my friends are very creative, since I'm in the creative field school and work wise, but other than that there isn't really any correlation.
 
Well I figure unless they are old high school friends you really have to have one thing in common, which to me is common ground. You have to share a location or a mutual friend with someone for you to even meet them. I still have many friends that I have known for half my life. Back in the day I was the one above them with almost everything, money, car, job. Now it is the complete reverse which I find humorous and for an odd reason not depressing at all. I tend to be jealous of my friends but not for the reason of forming hate of their happiness. As I am sure Shawn and Amy can tell you my jealously is more of a respect because I want to be there one day. Makes me feel that there is so much more to live for than I ever knew.
 
alcoholism.
passion for music.
sense of humor.
friends with good dope connecs (i'm kidding, kidding!!!)
friends with hot wives are cool.
intelligence (tho not all my friends are smart.. at least book smart)

erage, tell your orgy friends to call me.. they're the missing link in my friendship trail.. :D
 
i loved every answer! it's very interesting.

i was thinking that there has to be a similar intelligence to a group. not in every case, but i was kind of thinking that people tend to stick with those who are on the same intelligence level. in high school, for example, it seemed that people kind of stuck with those like themselves. it seems that levels of intelligence, whether intentional or otherwise, can really affect different levels of relationships.
i had a great party friend in high school. that's all we did together and we had a great time. she was not the smartest book on the shelf, and it didn't matter to either of us. when i went to college and that partying wasn't there, however, (due to distance,) when we got together, there suddenly wasn't much to talk about anymore. neither one of us wanted our friendship to die, but it did tend to take on less and less meaning, for each of us. we suddenly couldn't relate, and it was more and more uncomfortable for both of us. such is life.
it just seems that oftentimes there are varying degrees of senses of humor, wit, hobbies, passions, values, etc, but the one underlying similarity is that there has to be a sense of relation there, and it would seem to me that it comes from a certain level of shared intelligence, no matter what level of intelligence it is.(genius level or below average, for example.) thoughts?
 
You have to remember the one thing that kills your theory though, A Bar.

Or maybe not cause it doesnt matter how smart you are, everyone is a dumbass after to many drinks, lol
 
BeerAd said:
You have to remember the one thing that kills your theory though, A Bar.

Or maybe not cause it doesnt matter how smart you are, everyone is a dumbass after to many drinks, lol
Click to expand...

i ain't the smertest an' i ain't the dumbest, but i sho do love everyone while at a bar. :D
 
Thorn Bird said:
i loved every answer! it's very interesting.

i was thinking that there has to be a similar intelligence to a group. not in every case, but i was kind of thinking that people tend to stick with those who are on the same intelligence level. in high school, for example, it seemed that people kind of stuck with those like themselves. it seems that levels of intelligence, whether intentional or otherwise, can really affect different levels of relationships.
i had a great party friend in high school. that's all we did together and we had a great time. she was not the smartest book on the shelf, and it didn't matter to either of us. when i went to college and that partying wasn't there, however, (due to distance,) when we got together, there suddenly wasn't much to talk about anymore. neither one of us wanted our friendship to die, but it did tend to take on less and less meaning, for each of us. we suddenly couldn't relate, and it was more and more uncomfortable for both of us. such is life.
it just seems that oftentimes there are varying degrees of senses of humor, wit, hobbies, passions, values, etc, but the one underlying similarity is that there has to be a sense of relation there, and it would seem to me that it comes from a certain level of shared intelligence, no matter what level of intelligence it is.(genius level or below average, for example.) thoughts?
Click to expand...
When I was in university most of my friends there were of a similar intelligence level, but that was due to the environment. That'll often be the case at an institution of higher education. Now that I've been in the workforce for several years I have friends who don't have a common level of intelligence. Good friends too, not just acquaintences. I also have friends who are really smart that simply can't communicate well, and even look down upon, people with less smarts. I've just never had a problem with that. I can be friends with anyone who isn't an asshole really. Which is why I say that the common thread I find in my friends is similar values.

I guess the common thread in your friendships will depend on which aspect of personality you put the most weight upon, be it values, intelligence, coolness, sense of humour, alcohol tolerance or whatever.
 
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Jonny_B said:
When I was in university most of my friends there were of a similar intelligence level, but that was due to the environment. That'll often be the case at an institution of higher education. Now that I've been in the workforce for several years I have friends who don't have a common level of intelligence. Good friends too, not just acquaintences. I also have friends who are really smart that simply can't communicate well, and even look down upon, people with less smarts. I've just never had a problem with that. I can be friends with anyone who isn't an asshole really. Which is why I say that the common thread I find in my friends is similar values.

I guess the common thread in your friendships will depend on which aspect of personality you put the most weight upon, be it values, intelligence, coolness, sense of humour, alcohol tolerance or whatever.
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and this is why i asked the question. it's been sitting on my brain lately, and i thought i'd gather some opinions to help me figure out my own.
i am the same way, as i can get along with most anyone, regardless of most any circumstance. and i do not consider myself to be the smartest among any group of friends i have. but i do feel that there seems to be a certain point where intelligence levels begin to make a difference. i couldn't figure out any other common thread among groups i could think of, and i just couldn't figure out HOW people get together and stay together (besides simple chemistry/connection.) maybe that's all it has to be, but then, what is that? is it pure nature?
 
Thorn Bird said:
and this is why i asked the question. it's been sitting on my brain lately, and i thought i'd gather some opinions to help me figure out my own.
i am the same way, as i can get along with most anyone, regardless of most any circumstance. and i do not consider myself to be the smartest among any group of friends i have. but i do feel that there seems to be a certain point where intelligence levels begin to make a difference. i couldn't figure out any other common thread among groups i could think of, and i just couldn't figure out HOW people get together and stay together (besides simple chemistry/connection.) maybe that's all it has to be, but then, what is that? is it pure nature?
Click to expand...
at the most base level i'd say that everyone needs some kind of friends just to function properly, and it probably starts off with whoever is convenient. It's only after a friendship is no longer convenient that you really can determine how close you are. I only have a few highschool friends I'm still in touch with, ditto college friends. Those are the solid friendships, that can last over distance and time.

Long term friendships probably have some connection to a reminder of a particularly good time in your life. I had a bad year in a new city, and I'm not in touch with anyone from that time at all.

Another contributing factor is who you were whenever you met them. Everyone changes over time, so you might not have as much in common with old friends as you once did, but because they're old friends you have the comfort factor. Everyone needs to be comfortable with their friends.
 
my baby mama and I shared that same partying bond.. when we had a kid and couldn't party all the time we were worthless..

so we went our separate ways when he was 2.. such is life..

not to be arrogant, but often times i AM the smartest one in a group of acquaintances.. but i have some thugged out, white t wearin, gold toof havin homies.. so when i get around my smart homies i really, really enjoy intelligent discourse..

:tard: love this guy..
 
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