wtf, royal guard?

I woke up with all my cloths on including my shoes and I was somehow hanging half off my bed with one arm on the ground. Oh and I was 2 hours late to work and plan on leaving to go home and sleep in about an hour. Oh and if you count 2am last night I was so drunk I told 3 club dancers they couldnt come back to my house. I am a complete moron.
 
I was home alone yesterday afternoon and was rumaging around trying to find a box to wrap a baby gift. I couldn't find one the size I wanted so I moved my search to the garage. No luck. So I grabbed the keys and headed out to the storage building. Halfway there I ran through a spiders web *yuuuucko* brushed it off and went inside the building. Great, still no box *growl*.

So I head back to the house and halfway there I notice .. a SPIDER on my dress! AHHHHHH .. I'm freaking out (I'm deathly afraid of spiders, and allergic) .. no one is home to save me, I don't want to touch it, and it is crawling closer to my skin *AHHHHCK*. So in a desperate attempt to keep it off me .. I stripped off my dress and threw it on the ground. HA! stupid spider!

... Then I realized ... I'm outside and almost naked. OMG

So I'm like .. aww fuck, what do I do? So I took off running for the garage (luckily I was behind the house). I put on more clothes and come back for my dress, praying the damn thing has removed itself from my clothing.

I pick up the dress .. God Damn it .. it's still there, on my dress. So I use a golf club to pick the dess up and shake it.

Turns out, it wasn't a spider, it was a leaf. :eek: :fly: oops
 
SRC said:
I was home alone yesterday afternoon and was rumaging around trying to find a box to wrap a baby gift. I couldn't find one the size I wanted so I moved my search to the garage. No luck. So I grabbed the keys and headed out to the storage building. Halfway there I ran through a spiders web *yuuuucko* brushed it off and went inside the building. Great, still no box *growl*.

So I head back to the house and halfway there I notice .. a SPIDER on my dress! AHHHHHH .. I'm freaking out (I'm deathly afraid of spiders, and allergic) .. no one is home to save me, I don't want to touch it, and it is crawling closer to my skin *AHHHHCK*. So in a desperate attempt to keep it off me .. I stripped off my dress and threw it on the ground. HA! stupid spider!

... Then I realized ... I'm outside and almost naked. OMG

So I'm like .. aww fuck, what do I do? So I took off running for the garage (luckily I was behind the house). I put on more clothes and come back for my dress, praying the damn thing has removed itself from my clothing.

I pick up the dress .. God Damn it .. it's still there, on my dress. So I use a golf club to pick the dess up and shake it.

Turns out, it wasn't a spider, it was a leaf. :eek: :fly: oops
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Doesnt it suck doing something like that at your house because you have to see your neighbors every day, lol. Although you got lucky and nobody was watching!!! I was up on the roof of my old house a couple years ago and IIRC the ladder fell so I had no way down. I used to weigh about 120 pounds last time I was on a roof when I was younger. I am much larger now but decided to swing myself off the roof, not thinking. I start the sway off the roof and right when i need to grip I feel the force of gravity wanting my fat ass on the ground:fly: . Bam I hit the ground like a rock, didnt even hold on for a second. I cant move at first and I hear this weird noise, thinking it was in my head cause I landed on it, lol. I finally get up and I look over and both my neighbors on either sides of me are in tears rolling around in there lawn laughing at me.:fly: For like 3 weeks every time I left the house they would act like they were falling or yell "HANG ON BRAD, HANG ON TIGHTLY" :fly:

horrible
 
:lol:: awwww .. they laughed at you? Ok I would have probably laughed too, but I woulda made sure you weren't hurt in between chuckles LOL.

You don't want to know what I saw my neighbor lady doing when I was like 13 or 14. Let's just say ... I will never look at a german shephard the same way again :lol:.
 
SRC said:
:lol:: awwww .. they laughed at you? Ok I would have probably laughed too, but I woulda made sure you weren't hurt in between chuckles LOL.

You don't want to know what I saw my neighbor lady doing when I was like 13 or 14. Let's just say ... I will never look at a german shephard the same way again :lol:.
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The one neighbor said that if he had a video camera we would all be rich on Americas funniest videos. He said the way I feel and how I landed was just so classic. Immediately he wanted to come help but he started laughing so hard he just toppled over, lol. The mean neighbor said he had no care to help he just saw the nice neighbor laughing and couldnt help but laugh too.

OH MY BLAHHHHHHHHHHHH I would have probably gone over there and punched her in the face. Some people are truly sick and need to be locked up.
 
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