My supposed daughter can't remember if i ever posted this but i found it on an old hard drive today.
Fly was fed up. Not just fed up like when he first found out that April had a penis, but like when he was barred from World of Beer for a month after flouting their 'no cats in the toilets' rule. It was bad enough that April had a bigger penis than him, but now she also had his balls. I don't mean that her ballsac now had four balls in it, but that she had Fly's balls in a jar of formaldehyde on a shelf in the garage.
He wasn't really thinking straight, otherwise he'd have realised that collecting other people's balls wouldn't get him his own manhood back. But thinking straight, as I already said, he was not.
First he decided to try and get his hands on the largest ball he could. It seemed obvious to him that the larger the man, the larger his balls might be, so his first victim was a man who was so vast he had his own zip code, Chicken. All it took was a visit to the Chicken Ranch with enough beer to fell an ox and Chicken was putty in his hands, or at least comatose anyway. Minutes later and there was a gash in Chicken's ballsac and Fly was on his way back to Tampa with a gory ball the size of a football.
He then felt the urge to try and collect another ball at the other end of the size spectrum so Edward the Forum Cat had to lose one of his balls too. Unfortunately, Fly hadn't become as skilled as a mohel with a knife so ETFC lost both his balls to the monster that Fly was becoming.
Chicken took the loss of one of his balls badly and not only left the forum but moved to a one horse town called Marklar, Alabama which gave Fly the name for his reward system. He pondered a while about how best to get his revenge on Fly and eventually came up with a brilliant plan that would mar Fly's reputation forever. He hacked the forum, stole all the marklar and had the entire forum blame Fly.
Fly had to think carefully about who to make his next victim. He wanted to pick someone who had already lost his manhood due to his woman and realised there was only one choice. When Sarcasmo got married, his wife was so much better than him, that he took her name instead of the other way round. In Fly's twisted mind, that meant Sarcasmo might as well be a eunuch, so he copied his earlier method, got Casmo drunk and ripped one of his balls off. Of course Fly was too ill-educated to realise that removing one ball didn't make someone a eunuch but if he was intelligent he wouldn't have been with April would he?
So now, next to the jar with Fly's balls in it, there was a row of other jars containing one of Chicken's balls, both of Edward the Forum Cat's and one of Sarcasmo's. Worried that anyone coming into his garage would see these jars and find it odd enough they might call the police, Fly decided to dispose of the evidence. He didn’t want to just throw away his prize jewels and wanted to share his love of both other men’s (and cat’s) balls and beer so juiced the balls and added part of them to each of his brews. Many have commented on the strange saltiness that all Incestual Breweries’ beers have, but only now is the reason exposed.
Only one man visited Fly’s garage before he destroyed the evidence and realised what Fly’s secret hoard was, Waw. He managed to escape with his balls intact, but now you know why Chicken, Sarcasmo, Edward the Forum Cat and Shamwow have all left the forum. But Fly isn’t the terrible monster his ball stealing might suggest. I mean it wasn’t after all him who stole our marklar, and that’s what really matters.
