Write an adult classified for another forum member

T

theacoustician

Flaccid Member
Sep 30, 2004
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One of the things a buddy and I do to relieve boredom at work is troll Craigslist for the goofiest and most messed up personal ads we can find. It got me thinking, when you say goofy and messed up, that describes everyone here. So you will write a personal ad like one would find on Craigslist, Adult Friend Finder, and the like for another forum member. There will be no use of names, real or forum, but everything else is game on. Think how they would describe themselves and what you think they'd be looking for on such a site. Let your imagination run wild.

gogogogogogogogogo
 
40/F/FL - Left my brother in Texas and really miss him! Looking for a good bottom, shy disposition, and Chinese eyes. Must be good at housework, FPS games, and sucking cock. Please include any pictures of you, preferably with a dog.
 
swm seeks younger playmate who is not easily offended by racist, sexist, or inane comments. Must be a centerfold model and have large breasts to be shown on command
 
"Looking for a drunken slut that likes to have NSA fun. No kids, ex husbands, or diseases. Must be willing to be pooped on'
 
Single, white, man? looking to dip his wick in your sweet honeypot. Must love bad karaoke, dirty bars, and always being wrong. Must like anal, but no dudes because THAT'S JUST FUCKING GAY OMGWDEFNERGLKPNERGKNEQILIKECOCKLEQNKFLANKN
 
Nerdly man with magnificent exposed cranium seeks nerdly female. Must like concerts, eating, and being beaten like a bitch in 1 on 1 Halo matches.
Send n00dz + recipes.
 
If you think bald babies are cute, I'M YOUR MAN! Sensitive thinking type who is in touch with his feminine side will cook you gourmet meals and pamper you like the queen you are. If you know computers and can talk the talk and walk the walk, then I have some buttons for you to push. Meep meep! Take me to your leader!
 
slightly used former out|law seeks beer fetcher and knob polisher. If you've got the slob, I've got the knob.
 
Reformed forum attention whore looks who lost her looks now needs to rely on personality to get dates; will pay $$$. Must not mind small petting zoo inside my house. Must pamper me like the princess I am. Sending me love letters covered in stickers a plus. Send pics and bank info to [email protected]. Strong willed, independent thinkers need not apply.
 
single white male seeks sugar mama to fund his expensive hobbies. must like video games, vast rolling wheatfields and dig the body-condom look of a divesuit. must also be open to interpretations of usage of said dive suit. could alternatively seek single white trasky uk male with a similar name
 
30/F/RNO- Looking for submissive geeks for nerdy pleasure. You must be slightly insane, as I am not 100% right in the head myself. Must be willing to cook, clean, paint my toenails, brush my hair, and tell me how “perfect” I am. You will put up with my insane babble, for most of the time I make no sense. When I make no sense you will nod and agree with me as if you understand. You will accept my flirtatious nature and be understanding of any potential one night stands with women that I may have.
When I am bitchy you will find any excuse why I am bitchy, accept this and understand that I will be a bitch. I reserve the right to bitch as you sit there with a blank stare and take the verbal beating in which I feel you so rightfully deserve. But no worries, this does not occur often.
You must like farts and find them amusing. Absolutely must love RPG, the SCI_FI channel, anything SCI-FI related, Renaissance Fairs, Jousting, Sword fights on a cloudy day, rolling in the mud, and bubble baths with whiz poppers jetting the tub. I want you to be intelligent, over 5’8, dark eyes, dark hair…or no hair with facial hair. You must wear glasses because without you’ll be blind and much better off when you meet me. You must have a serious love for Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and any movies by Guillermo del Toro. BOOKS! You MUST love to read, there are no exceptions on this. You will love music, of all kinds.

About my physical self/health: 5’8, blue eyes, and Auburn hair (but this changes often, due to boredom). I am of average build, 147 lbs, my measurements are 37-28-37. I am certifiably insane.

Email me a short description of yourself and send a picture if interested.
 
Wink'a'smooch said:
30/F/RNO- Looking for submissive geeks for nerdy pleasure. You must be slightly insane, as I am not 100% right in the head myself. Must be willing to cook, clean, paint my toenails, brush my hair, and tell me how “perfect” I am. You will put up with my insane babble, for most of the time I make no sense. When I make no sense you will nod and agree with me as if you understand. You will accept my flirtatious nature and be understanding of any potential one night stands with women that I may have.
When I am bitchy you will find any excuse why I am bitchy, accept this and understand that I will be a bitch. I reserve the right to bitch as you sit there with a blank stare and take the verbal beating in which I feel you so rightfully deserve. But no worries, this does not occur often.
You must like farts and find them amusing. Absolutely must love RPG, the SCI_FI channel, anything SCI-FI related, Renaissance Fairs, Jousting, Sword fights on a cloudy day, rolling in the mud, and bubble baths with whiz poppers jetting the tub. I want you to be intelligent, over 5’8, dark eyes, dark hair…or no hair with facial hair. You must wear glasses because without you’ll be blind and much better off when you meet me. You must have a serious love for Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and any movies by Guillermo del Toro. BOOKS! You MUST love to read, there are no exceptions on this. You will love music, of all kinds.

About my physical self/health: 5’8, blue eyes, and Auburn hair (but this changes often, due to boredom). I am of average build, 147 lbs, my measurements are 37-28-37. I am certifiably insane.

Email me a short description of yourself and send a picture if interested.
Click to expand...
wow that's an expensive ad, ADHD NEED NOT APPLY
 
Wink'a'smooch said:
30/F/RNO- Looking for submissive geeks for nerdy pleasure. You must be slightly insane, as I am not 100% right in the head myself. Must be willing to cook, clean, paint my toenails, brush my hair, and tell me how “perfect” I am. You will put up with my insane babble, for most of the time I make no sense. When I make no sense you will nod and agree with me as if you understand. You will accept my flirtatious nature and be understanding of any potential one night stands with women that I may have.
When I am bitchy you will find any excuse why I am bitchy, accept this and understand that I will be a bitch. I reserve the right to bitch as you sit there with a blank stare and take the verbal beating in which I feel you so rightfully deserve. But no worries, this does not occur often.
You must like farts and find them amusing. Absolutely must love RPG, the SCI_FI channel, anything SCI-FI related, Renaissance Fairs, Jousting, Sword fights on a cloudy day, rolling in the mud, and bubble baths with whiz poppers jetting the tub. I want you to be intelligent, over 5’8, dark eyes, dark hair…or no hair with facial hair. You must wear glasses because without you’ll be blind and much better off when you meet me. You must have a serious love for Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and any movies by Guillermo del Toro. BOOKS! You MUST love to read, there are no exceptions on this. You will love music, of all kinds.

About my physical self/health: 5’8, blue eyes, and Auburn hair (but this changes often, due to boredom). I am of average build, 147 lbs, my measurements are 37-28-37. I am certifiably insane.

Email me a short description of yourself and send a picture if interested.
Click to expand...
:drool::hi2u:


*covers testicles*
 
Wink'a'smooch said:
30/F/RNO- Looking for submissive geeks for nerdy pleasure. You must be slightly insane, as I am not 100% right in the head myself. Must be willing to cook, clean, paint my toenails, brush my hair, and tell me how “perfect” I am. You will put up with my insane babble, for most of the time I make no sense. When I make no sense you will nod and agree with me as if you understand. You will accept my flirtatious nature and be understanding of any potential one night stands with women that I may have.
When I am bitchy you will find any excuse why I am bitchy, accept this and understand that I will be a bitch. I reserve the right to bitch as you sit there with a blank stare and take the verbal beating in which I feel you so rightfully deserve. But no worries, this does not occur often.
You must like farts and find them amusing. Absolutely must love RPG, the SCI_FI channel, anything SCI-FI related, Renaissance Fairs, Jousting, Sword fights on a cloudy day, rolling in the mud, and bubble baths with whiz poppers jetting the tub. I want you to be intelligent, over 5’8, dark eyes, dark hair…or no hair with facial hair. You must wear glasses because without you’ll be blind and much better off when you meet me. You must have a serious love for Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and any movies by Guillermo del Toro. BOOKS! You MUST love to read, there are no exceptions on this. You will love music, of all kinds.

About my physical self/health: 5’8, blue eyes, and Auburn hair (but this changes often, due to boredom). I am of average build, 147 lbs, my measurements are 37-28-37. I am certifiably insane.

Email me a short description of yourself and send a picture if interested.
Click to expand...

It's like you read my mind.
 
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