Worst Online-Dater Ever

APRIL

Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
103,488
38,145
1,823
Houston
Marklar
₥60,587
http://gawker.com/news/douchebags/n...e-is-the-worst-person-in-the-world-309684.php

Hey, remember that wannabe i-banker douchebag Alexsey Vayner and his insanely braggy resume video? Do you recall Eric Schaeffer, the failed writer/director who hates women and blogs about how he can't believe he's still single? Well, what if they met and married and through some breakthrough in medical science had a baby? He would probably grow up to be something along the lines of Atlanta's John Fitzgerald Page, who in addition to working in corporate finance, being a part-time trainer, and being available for work as a "costumed character" or a "stand-in," also somehow finds the time in his day to be a colossal, mindbogglingly douchey douchebag to girls he meets on Match.com!

We are given to understand (hey, who makes this kind of shit up?) that the following email correspondence took place between John and some lady. "So I winked at this guy on Match. Should have known better considering his screen name was "IvyLeagueAlum." He responds with the following email...

I live in a 31 story high rise condominium, right in the middle of the Buckhead nightlife district. Do you ever come to this area of town to shop/go out/visit/explore?

I went to an Ivy League school - the University of Pennsylvania - for my undergraduate degree in economics and my graduate degree in management (Wharton School of Business). Where did you go to school?

What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds - what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact...

I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria's Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions?

Do you have any other recent pictures you care to share? I have many others if you care to see them.

Regards,

John
[email redacted]

"So," the lady writes, "I in turn send him a polite "No Thanks" thru the Match system which sends him the following email: 'Thanks for writing to me, but unfortunately, we're just not a good match. Good luck in your search! Our Portraits didn't match on: A. Personality'" A spurned and brokenhearted John wrote back, less robotically but no less douchily.

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards - not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!


Regards,

John

There ... aren't? Are you absolutely sure? We're still hiding, just in case.

I was LOL'ing at the similarities. :lol:

Anyways, anyone have any bad online dating experiences? :D
 
that is so not me, you bitch :p I prefer to attract rather than repel ;)
he apparently has 1mm of wang
I'm guessing he copy/pastes that shit to everyone he makes contact with
 
He forgot to say that the supernova of his being has destroyed every woman he has met in real life thus far. His only recourse is the internet!
 
You say that as if the internet is a last resort kind of thing. :eek:

yeah, it's pretty pathetic
whistling.gif
 
His Response:
A note from "THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD" per Gawker.com. Stalin. Hitler. Bin Laden. John Fitzgerald Page. Somehow, I am ranked at #1. My crime - murder? treason? pedophilia? rape? No, worse. A woman winked at me on the internet. I sent her an introductory email. She tried to rescind her initial wink by saying we weren't a "personality" match . She ascertained that from my first email without ever speaking to me. Here is my crime. Instead of just letting her float away, I let her know that I feel that if you approach me, you should meet my standards and listed facts about myself.

She took this personal email, sent to her only, and sent it out to everyone in America. In turn, every blog in America has vilified me. I am being threatened with bodily harm, told to kill and neuter myself, that I am a douchebag, etc. My phone rings and email hums day and night, even the New York Times, CNN, Fox News & Inside Edition have called (Is this really an noteworthy news story)? People feel it is okay to post my phone number, address and personal email in attack blogs.

All of the facts on this website are true. I am not Alexsey Vayner, there are no videos on here of me hitting tennis balls at 140 mph or breaking bricks with my bare hands! Just because you can't find it, haven't heard about it, can't see it or don't know about it doesn't mean it did not happen. This is a website for my SIDE career, acting/modeling. I know I am not Brad Pitt. But Mr. Whipple gets work too! All types are needed, and I am struggling like any other person in this business (I don't live in a major acting market). I like to be on the movie set meeting the stars, learning how movies are made, and especially eating all the craft service! In my real career, all I need is a resume and a degree. In this world, you are a piece of meat. Current pictures of body and face are needed (I have done casting). They need to know what you have done in the past. This website allows me to showcase all of my work in one place and is used to get jobs in this field.

I graduated from Penn (and paid my own way through). It is the oldest UNIVERSITY, not college, in the country. I am not gay. This is, unfortunately, my real hair. I earned my way into Penn and my fraternity - no legacy here. My statistics are just that - facts about me. If I said I drove a Pinto/Yugo/Pacer, went to a community college and worked as a bag boy at the grocery store, would everyone be so upset? I am not jealous of others. All of my friends have something better than I do, they are highly cultured, more educated, well traveled, etc. I try to take the best of others and learn from people that are doing better than I am.

I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. I have no emotional I.Q. I am now an orphan. I have no siblings or grandparents and have been on my own since the age of 17. I went to a mediocre public high school in Ohio where I weighed 140 lbs. I have no one to fall back on, so I have to be aggressive and go for my dreams - I can't rely on anyone else. We all have that instinctual survival mechanism. I can't love anyone else if I don't love myself first.

I understand the psychology is to be angry at me. But when you think about it, do you want every single PRIVATE & PERSONAL thing you write, say, photograph or text to be put out to the universe? That would be a scary, politically correct world.

Every single piece of my life has been put up for scrutiny. I only ask this - do you feel the punishment is worth the crime? An overnight internet pariah for sending a girl a personal email? Everything I have ever worked for in my life has been sullied in one day, by one person, whom I have never met. Before you cast the next stone - would you like your life ruined over anything you have ever said, written, texted or photographed? My reputation is all I have. It has been severely damaged and can never be repaired. I cannot fight an overwhelming army of bloggers whom I HAVE NEVER MET. My future grandkids will be able to read about this on the internet 50 years from now. This is the time when my true friends will step forward.

Inside, I am a good person. I am generous with my friends. I am friendly, outgoing and funny. I take people on face value. I can be abrasive and obnoxious at times - I admit that. Animals and children love me (maybe because I don't have any). I am constantly using my connections to help others. I don't smoke or do drugs. I basically leave people be, as I do not believe life is a zero sum game.

The public hanging of me is making many of you happy. The catch-22 for you is that no publicity is bad publicity. I am getting offers for things - movies, books, TV shows. I had to buy additional bandwidth - over 1 million page views in 10 days. This is not a joke. Don't let this happen to you. Anything PERSONAL & PRIVATE you ever write, say, text or photograph can be used against you and can turn your life from normal into a living hell. I think all of this venom should be saved for terrorists, rapists, murderers etc. All I ask is that you put my "crime" in proper perspective. I sent a not very nice private email to someone. That is all.
 
man, lady i work with just moved a dude down AND LET HIM MOVE IN HER HOUSE that she met on the internet..

if i was single, i would meet chicks on the internet. and smash.

myspace has become a phenomenon since i got married.. alas.
 
man, lady i work with just moved a dude down AND LET HIM MOVE IN HER HOUSE that she met on the internet..

if i was single, i would meet chicks on the internet. and smash.

myspace has become a phenomenon since i got married.. alas.

Fly let me move in with him after four months and I lived in Houston.

This is all way too long to have kept your attention April.

I skimmed. :hs:
 
man, lady i work with just moved a dude down AND LET HIM MOVE IN HER HOUSE that she met on the internet..

if i was single, i would meet chicks on the internet. and smash.

myspace has become a phenomenon since i got married.. alas.

I agree. I haven't been single in 8 years. People have it easy when it comes to meeting new people.
 
I agree. I haven't been single in 8 years. People have it easy when it comes to meeting new people.
are you fucking kidding?
it's rdiculous out there in the single scene.
women expect every man to be some sort of Hitch/jack bauer/brad pitt demigod with a peter north penis and bill gates money.

and here I show up looking like sinbad the comic.
No body loves goofy fat guys except on tv.
I did a lot more than that.

pics or shens
 
I agree. I haven't been single in 8 years. People have it easy when it comes to meeting new people.

I have to agree with Onnotangu and asking "are you fucking kidding?"
Meeting new people when you are single is hard as fuck. I do not care what anyone says...or how they say it is so much easier for women. It is NOT.
You actually have to work at meeting people. That is lame!