GAY Who are the Flatboi Downs-Pt II

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Seeing as most people use the flush function on toilets it was almost certainly whoever was in there just before me.
Maybe a sicko employee.
Or maybe Richard Gere.
Might want to check the profit/loss statement on gerbils.
I remember when I learned condoms float.
 
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I remember when I learned condoms float.

The first time Mom found a condom in my stuff I told her some kids at school were blowing them up like balloons and batting them around for a joke. At the time I thought my story was pretty convincing but after I got some more life experience under my belt I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
 
I trust trader joe's. only had a few things from there when my parents brought them back from buffalo but all were sensational.
 
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The first time Mom found a condom in my stuff I told her some kids at school were blowing them up like balloons and batting them around for a joke. At the time I thought my story was pretty convincing but after I got some more life experience under my belt I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
My mom was cleaning my room with me one day and we found a playboy. She just laughed at me and put it back. I had a great childhood. My parents understood life.
 
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my mom walked in on my first time and to this day loses her shit if I make jokes about it

she forced dad to talk to me because, the conservative woman she is, she couldn't do it. dad said something along the lines of "you usin protection? good shit. don't want to have a kid, that'd really fuck you up. anyway, keep it up. don't be dumb."
 
my mom walked in on my first time and to this day loses her shit if I make jokes about it

she forced dad to talk to me because, the conservative woman she is, she couldn't do it. dad said something along the lines of "you usin protection? good shit. don't want to have a kid, that'd really fuck you up. anyway, keep it up. don't be dumb."
My dad always told me rubbers just get in the way. And my great uncle said rubbers help you last longer but you don't have to use them if you just rub equal parts orajel and Vaseline on the head of your dick. Takes the feeling away so you can last longer. He was a great man.
 
This chick I had a crush on in high school who was older than me really taught me how dangerous sex is. Used to take her places and do stuff and everything but it never got past holding hands. I thought I was really failing.
Then a summer or two later I saw her at the mall waddling around totally beach ball preggo by herself.

Dodged a bullet there.

She kind of meekly acknowledged me in a socially forced way and hurriedly waddled on.
If that was mine I would've been proudly by her side.

Wonder whatever happened to that chick. She's probably at least 50 now. Hope she found happiness somewhere along the way.
 
My dad always told me rubbers just get in the way. And my great uncle said rubbers help you last longer but you don't have to use them if you just rub equal parts orajel and Vaseline on the head of your dick. Takes the feeling away so you can last longer. He was a great man.

All I can add to that is to say topical muscle pain relief compounds such as Deep Heat or Icy Hot are not acceptable substitutes and in no way make for pleasurable sexual experiences of any kind.
 
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My mom was cleaning my room with me one day and we found a playboy. She just laughed at me and put it back. I had a great childhood. My parents understood life.

At your age I assume by "playboy" you mean a digital archive of things much more explicit than an actual playboy that would take an entire forest of trees to make into a magazine. Hell even in my day we had penthouse and hustler and swank and a couple other catchy names I can't remember anymore.

Did you know people used to write in to penthouse with vivid descriptions of their real life sexual experiences?

Oh yeah, vivid produced a lot of video tapes too.
 
Just chiming back in to say I'm all grown up know and had my come to Jesus meeting and am a good God-fearing human being and have found forgiveness and redemption and extend these gifts unto others and do my best to love them as He hath loved me and all that stuff because if I were to die right now and that shit up there^ were the last words I uttered that would be a pretty bad thing and really not a good way to exit this deal and I got a legacy to think about here.
 
it's almost 5am
I have just over 7 hours to submit my DC housing market predictions
I have not slept in nearly 2 days
these predictions are still only ~50th in the class (not good enough to not get docked some decent marks)
I still have a 30-page report to write once this is submitted (in under 24 hours)

if this is it, it was fun. mostly.
 
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