GAY Who are the Flatboi Downs-Pt II

HipHugHer

Looks like Ted Nugent, Smells like Sasquatch
Apr 18, 2016
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I remember when I learned condoms float.
The first time Mom found a condom in my stuff I told her some kids at school were blowing them up like balloons and batting them around for a joke. At the time I thought my story was pretty convincing but after I got some more life experience under my belt I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
 

OOD

Yet ANOTHER ! Beautiful Bearded Rashner
Apr 16, 2016
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The first time Mom found a condom in my stuff I told her some kids at school were blowing them up like balloons and batting them around for a joke. At the time I thought my story was pretty convincing but after I got some more life experience under my belt I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
My mom was cleaning my room with me one day and we found a playboy. She just laughed at me and put it back. I had a great childhood. My parents understood life.
 

definitely

toronto campus turned me into a poof
May 6, 2016
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my mom walked in on my first time and to this day loses her shit if I make jokes about it

she forced dad to talk to me because, the conservative woman she is, she couldn't do it. dad said something along the lines of "you usin protection? good shit. don't want to have a kid, that'd really fuck you up. anyway, keep it up. don't be dumb."
 

OOD

Yet ANOTHER ! Beautiful Bearded Rashner
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my mom walked in on my first time and to this day loses her shit if I make jokes about it

she forced dad to talk to me because, the conservative woman she is, she couldn't do it. dad said something along the lines of "you usin protection? good shit. don't want to have a kid, that'd really fuck you up. anyway, keep it up. don't be dumb."
My dad always told me rubbers just get in the way. And my great uncle said rubbers help you last longer but you don't have to use them if you just rub equal parts orajel and Vaseline on the head of your dick. Takes the feeling away so you can last longer. He was a great man.
 

HipHugHer

Looks like Ted Nugent, Smells like Sasquatch
Apr 18, 2016
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This chick I had a crush on in high school who was older than me really taught me how dangerous sex is. Used to take her places and do stuff and everything but it never got past holding hands. I thought I was really failing.
Then a summer or two later I saw her at the mall waddling around totally beach ball preggo by herself.

Dodged a bullet there.

She kind of meekly acknowledged me in a socially forced way and hurriedly waddled on.
If that was mine I would've been proudly by her side.

Wonder whatever happened to that chick. She's probably at least 50 now. Hope she found happiness somewhere along the way.
 

HipHugHer

Looks like Ted Nugent, Smells like Sasquatch
Apr 18, 2016
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My dad always told me rubbers just get in the way. And my great uncle said rubbers help you last longer but you don't have to use them if you just rub equal parts orajel and Vaseline on the head of your dick. Takes the feeling away so you can last longer. He was a great man.
All I can add to that is to say topical muscle pain relief compounds such as Deep Heat or Icy Hot are not acceptable substitutes and in no way make for pleasurable sexual experiences of any kind.
 

HipHugHer

Looks like Ted Nugent, Smells like Sasquatch
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My mom was cleaning my room with me one day and we found a playboy. She just laughed at me and put it back. I had a great childhood. My parents understood life.
At your age I assume by "playboy" you mean a digital archive of things much more explicit than an actual playboy that would take an entire forest of trees to make into a magazine. Hell even in my day we had penthouse and hustler and swank and a couple other catchy names I can't remember anymore.

Did you know people used to write in to penthouse with vivid descriptions of their real life sexual experiences?

Oh yeah, vivid produced a lot of video tapes too.
 

HipHugHer

Looks like Ted Nugent, Smells like Sasquatch
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Just chiming back in to say I'm all grown up know and had my come to Jesus meeting and am a good God-fearing human being and have found forgiveness and redemption and extend these gifts unto others and do my best to love them as He hath loved me and all that stuff because if I were to die right now and that shit up there^ were the last words I uttered that would be a pretty bad thing and really not a good way to exit this deal and I got a legacy to think about here.
 

definitely

toronto campus turned me into a poof
May 6, 2016
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it's almost 5am
I have just over 7 hours to submit my DC housing market predictions
I have not slept in nearly 2 days
these predictions are still only ~50th in the class (not good enough to not get docked some decent marks)
I still have a 30-page report to write once this is submitted (in under 24 hours)

if this is it, it was fun. mostly.