Whats the most embarrassing moment of your life?

G

Grunt

Guest
I was in the military about a year ago and I have plenty of embarrassing stories about me and my friends.

This one time we were on this training exercise out in the woods. It was pretty much the most pointless one I was ever apart of, since we had nothing to do. It was really just meant to train the artillery groups etc. But I wasn't complaining. I'd much rather do nothing than crawl around on sharp rocks like we normally did.
Well anyway, the only thing my group had to do was babysit this command post they used to give artillery coordinates and other orders. It was this huge van which apparently cost like 4 million euros.. All we did was take turns guarding it and making sure all the phone lines were working etc.

Well at 4-5am one night I was sitting in there all alone wishing I was back home in a warm bed. There must have been something wrong with the food they had given us earlier since my stomach was all messed up and I really needed to take a dump, but we were ordered never to leave the area.

There were like 500 guys out in those woods and not a single toilet. Ever try taking a dump out in the woods? Well I hope you never have to.. What they told us to do was dig a little hole next to a tree, then lean up against the tree and do your buisness.. I don't mind telling you its not as easy as it sounds.. :(

So I was sitting in there trying not to crap my pants and my CO comes walking in. He was a nice guy so I asked him if he could take over for a while so I could go out for a smoke. (I didn't really feel like telling him my ass was about to explode). So I'm running out of the van and I'm trying to take off my pants at the same time. Well I must have gotten like 10 feet from the van when all hell breaks loose.. I was actually running at shitting at the same time.. But I didn't really care since it felt SOOOO good.

So I was kinda crouching next to the van going "Ohhh mama.. OOOOOHHHH mama.." when I hear a car coming. I look over and I see its this Senior Lieutenant everyone hates. We called him the bulldog since he kinda looked like one and he was mean as hell. Well I instantly jump behind the van trying to hide but my pants are still down so I kinda landed on my face. The Lieutenant hears this and looks around for quite a while then slowly walks up the the van and knocks on the door. It was really dark, thats why he couldn't see my white ass sticking out from behind the van.
So its the middle of the night, I'm out in the middle of nowhere lying next to a pile of shit with my pants down around my ankles thinking "What the HELL am I doing out here?!".

A few moments later I walk inside and the bulldog looks at me and says "That was a pretty long smoke break" I just said "yes it was, I'm sorry sir" and sat down.


Your turn :p
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I

I Robert I

Guest
So... how the hell did you clean up your pants? You must've smelt like crap, literally.
 
G

Grunt

Guest
I Robert I said:
So... how the hell did you clean up your pants? You must've smelt like crap, literally.
Well the strange thing was I didn't get any crap on my pants. Thank god :D
 
I

I Robert I

Guest
Grunt said:
Well the strange thing was I didn't get any crap on my pants. Thank god :D
oh ok, I got the impression that you were starting to "let loose" while taking your pants off, hence getting yourself coated in fecal matter.

I tried to make it sound less disgusting... I'm not sure I succeded.
 
G

Grunt

Guest
I Robert I said:
oh ok, I got the impression that you were starting to "let loose" while taking your pants off, hence getting yourself coated in fecal matter.

I tried to make it sound less disgusting... I'm not sure I succeded.
No, you didn't :p
 

Nyx

Flaccid Member
Oct 14, 2004
4,683
0
0
Planet Hell
Marklar
₥0.00
Marklar
M0
Grunt said:
It doesn't work here! :mad:

Do tell :D
There are too many contenders for the title of "most embarrassing"

OK, I'll tell one. I typed out an email, with some pretty personal information :eek: and accidentally sent it to the wrong person. I learned the hard way to 1. Double check before I hit *send*, and 2. Stay away from my computer when I'm angry or upset.
 

Nyx

Flaccid Member
Oct 14, 2004
4,683
0
0
Planet Hell
Marklar
₥0.00
Marklar
M0
Pandora said:
My most embarrassing moment...when theac told me what he wanted to send you people for Christmas and I actually thought it was funny and laughed...then I wanted to cry. I need therapy.
Uh oh. He said there was a package with my name on it. I think it's time to start worrying :eek:
 

BigDov

Erect Member
Oct 14, 2004
9,646
3
41
50
close to Seattle
Marklar
₥0.00
Marklar
M0
Pandora said:
My most embarrassing moment...when theac told me what he wanted to send you people for Christmas and I actually thought it was funny and laughed...then I wanted to cry. I need therapy.

I guess I could always put a stop shipment on that package I sent the other day :mad: