I know it's frowned up to copy/paste, but several of these were funny.
but got me to thinking, What do you argue with your S.o. over? I think ours would be the standards: housekeeping, $, and me staying out too late.
from the inbox:
HOW FIGHTS START
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
< FONT face="Arial Rounded MT Bold" color=black size=4>
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0
to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your
application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes, 'I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand
she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a per son
could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for
some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
=0 A
------------ --------- --------- ---
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to
pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- ------
I20tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller
Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at
night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt
look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- ---- ----- ------
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent
babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise
came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and
yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked
jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a
thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the
bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were
you running?'
And then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed,
made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded
to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into
the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be
bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and
slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe
my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife and I are watching Who Wants to Be a
Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want
to
have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply “Yes.”
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
but got me to thinking, What do you argue with your S.o. over? I think ours would be the standards: housekeeping, $, and me staying out too late.
from the inbox:
HOW FIGHTS START
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
< FONT face="Arial Rounded MT Bold" color=black size=4>
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0
to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your
application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes, 'I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand
she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a per son
could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for
some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
=0 A
------------ --------- --------- ---
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to
pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- ------
I20tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller
Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at
night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt
look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- ---- ----- ------
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent
babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise
came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and
yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked
jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a
thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the
bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were
you running?'
And then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed,
made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded
to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into
the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be
bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and
slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe
my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife and I are watching Who Wants to Be a
Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want
to
have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply “Yes.”
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
