Ontopic Wait a poopin' minute...now you people poop your pants?!

This is what I'm sayin'.

You ain't cool, unless you poop your pants!

EDgaLp6.jpg
 
I am lactose intolerant and have shit myself before because of that. That was prior to any butt business, though, sorry to burst yo bubble.

as they say, shit happens
 
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Last time I shit myself was several years ago. Had a really bad stomach/intestinal virus, one of those 24hr things going around. I was using my computer as I thought I had cleared everything out in the morning, got the quenching feeling, and thought I could make it to the bathroom in time, but nope. Had to take a shower then shit in the shower. It was a horror show.
 
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One time, I was on my way back from Victoria's Gastro Pub (the same place where some of us met up in MD but not the same night) with my ex, and I had eaten duck fat fries with poutine and a lobster grilled cheese, and I was wearing a cute white skirt and one of my favorite lacy thongs, and I just had to go so bad all of a sudden out of nowhere. That's how it hits, the lactose intolerance, one minute everything's just dandy, and the next you have cramps and sweats and you're seconds away from your bhole becoming some sort of unholy plasma propulsion engine.

After begging him to pull over because I don't want to shit in his car and the shit is gonna happen whether I want it to or not, he finally gives in, and I managed to make it into the woods along the major road back to Annapolis from Columbia (I forget which one now. the really short interstate that doesn't actually go between states) but of course we were in his car and he is NOT prepared like me with a roll of TP in the trunk, so I had to use my favorite undies to wipe my nasty asty and I left them there because he wouldn't let me take them back with us, even if I put it in a baggie so I could throw them out proper. RIP favorite thong, you were kind and gently to my dirtbutton and I will miss you forever.
 
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One time, I was on my way back from Victoria's Gastro Pub (the same place where some of us met up in MD but not the same night) with my ex, and I had eaten duck fat fries with poutine and a lobster grilled cheese, and I was wearing a cute white skirt and one of my favorite lacy thongs, and I just had to go so bad all of a sudden out of nowhere. That's how it hits, the lactose intolerance, one minute everything's just dandy, and the next you have cramps and sweats and you're seconds away from your bhole becoming some sort of unholy plasma propulsion engine.

After begging him to pull over because I don't want to shit in his car and the shit is gonna happen whether I want it to or not, he finally gives in, and I managed to make it into the woods along the major road back to Annapolis from Columbia (I forget which one now. the really short interstate that doesn't actually go between states) but of course we were in his car and he is NOT prepared like me with a roll of TP in the trunk, so I had to use my favorite undies to wipe my nasty asty and I left them there because he wouldn't let me take them back with us, even if I put it in a baggie so I could throw them out proper. RIP favorite thong, you were kind and gently to my dirtbutton and I will miss you forever.
Omg lmaoooo
I wouldn't have let you bring your shitty thong back in the car either. Ew.


So I have shared this story before but for those of you that missed it....

I very rarely wear underwear. .. and I was wearing a short Jean skirt and I was driving home in crazy traffic and it was 110 degrees and my air conditioning was busted in my civic. .. anyhoo all of the sudden my stomach started churning and I had to fart.... well it was the world's worst shart.
With no undies.
Wearing Jean skirt
Stuck in traffic
110 degrees

That stench was only traveling one way and that was straight up my nose.
I puked in my mouth after shitting my self.

My car stunk for days
 
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