Very funny site

fuck if anyone started a text to me with "dude" i'd delete their number and throw the phone in the bin
 
(305): Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.


(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
 
(419): my computer doesn't work...
(619): why?
(419): i puked on it last night

:lol:

(612): On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.


(512): My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle

(407): If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
 
(507): I want your puppy
(507): I meant pussy
(612): I would rather you take my puppy


(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.


(917): I cockslap morals
 
(540): I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
(540) I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
 
(I've almost done this a few times)
(402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.



(850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
(850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife