Useless Goat stories! v. safe for work

[jaxxor]

When I was a small child I was out playing on a miniature trampoline one day in my grandmother's front yard. My grandmother kept goats at the time, and I thought it was great fun to push the goat off the trampoline and yell "I'M KING OF THE MOUNTAIN!"

Well, I pushed the goat off, did my victory dance, and said "I'M KIND OF TH-" *BAM* That fucking goat hit me in the back and knocked me flying across the yard. I skidded across the sidewalk, carommed off a tree, and rolled down the fence. Or at least it seemed like that.

Adding insult to injury, several family members were out there watching and experiencing great hilarity at my expense.

-------------------

Another time, my grandmother decided that it would be a good idea to talk my younger cousin into drinking goat's milk straight from the teat. Being only 4 years old, he went for it. His quote upon finishing his draught will ring down through the ages. Whenever we want to embarrass him we remind him that he looked up with a milk moustache and said;

"It felt good in my mouth"

this has been another useless jaxxor story post

 

[fly]

hi im jack and i never lead a normal life. LOL

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Im just surprised the story doesnt involve pooping or smashing your penis somehow

 

[jaxxor]

Im just surprised the story doesnt involve pooping or smashing your penis somehow

nah, I have mishaps in every area of life.

 

[Syrup Beaver]

If I owned a magazine, I'd make you a columnist dude.

You should compile these stories into books like Patrick McManus

 

[APRIL]

So your grandma... does she still have these goats?

 

[Coqui]

So your grandma... does she still have these goats?

She sold them to me.

 

[jaxxor]

If I owned a magazine, I'd make you a columnist dude.

You should compile these stories into books like Patrick McManus

well thanks! I'd love to write a weekly or something like that. I doubt the Houston Chronicle would pick me up. You think Maxim or something like that?

 

[jaxxor]

So your grandma... does she still have these goats?

nah, she got rid of them when she got the donkeys. She sold them off too.

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

well thanks! I'd love to write a weekly or something like that. I doubt the Houston Chronicle would pick me up. You think Maxim or something like that?

I think your stories are too highbrow for maxim

 

[Syrup Beaver]

I think your stories are too highbrow for maxim

Yeah, I'm thinking of buying Oprah - that could work

 

[jaxxor]

I'm pretty much never going to a meet if you guys have one here in Houston. I'd be sitting there trying to drink and you all would be staring at me waiting for me to start smashing my dick or looking for a goose egg to destroy.

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

I'm pretty much never going to a meet if you guys have one here in Houston. I'd be sitting there trying to drink and you all would be staring at me waiting for me to start smashing my dick or looking for a goose egg to destroy.

I was gonna bring a golf club and a dozen eggs just for you

 

[fly]

nah, she got rid of them when she got the donkeys. She sold them off too.

Wait. She had donkeys too?

 

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Wait. She had donkeys too?

hot gramma on donkey action

 

[smileynev]

pics of Jaxxor?

 

[wr3kt]

Were you the kid that always accepted the dare to ski of the roof of a house?

 

[jaxxor]

pics of Jaxxor?

you asked for it...

that's a couple of years old, but you get the idea.

 

[jaxxor]

Were you the kid that always accepted the dare to ski of the roof of a house?

I've from Texas, there was never snow on our house.

 

[Sp`ange]

you trip me the fuck out.