Understanding your life roles

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b_sinning

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Nov 22, 2004
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I've had a whole lot of bad stuff happen in the past few weeks due to either me or my wife or her family misunderstanding our roles. I've finally understood mine and because of that I'm back with my wife and we're looking for a new home together.

My roles are Father first then husband then son then emplyoee. It sounds easy to live by your roles but it's hard sometimes. I've clashed with my inlaws very badly lately because they want my wife to be a daughter before being a wife and that's not allowed now. The whole purpose of the father giving the bride to the husband is to recognize that now the bride will always be a wife before a daughter. Anyways. My roles were out of whack so I'm fixing them. I'm moving back to my old job position because work was cutting into my family time and the stress of trying to balance everything was starting to take it's toll on me. Oddly enough I'm happier now than I have been in a long time. So is my wife and son. Enough blogging.



What are your roles?
 
I think it goes:

1. Fiance
2. Employee
3. Son/brother/cousin/nephew/grandson

But to be honest, I have no idea. Very good thought-provoking thread, b_sinning.
 
mine are

1.mommy
2.student
3.employee
4.daughter
5.girlfreind
6.?????
well 4 and 5 are about the same...we still have issues on that because we are not married nor do we live together, but as soon as we get married or move in together then i will be a a wife before a daughter
 
My wife's parents was mad at her for doing some of the same stupid stuff she was doing as a teenager. Such as being messy. She's a mom and if you want to raise your kid not to be messy you have to live by example. So they decided to force her to be more organized like they would have when she was a teenager. The problem is they should have interacted with me because she's my wife before she's their daughter. They crossed boundaries that they refused to see. My wife should have cut off communication with them because it was hurting my family but she saw her self as their daughter before being my wife. We've sort of fixed all of this but it made me realize how important it is to know your roles and the order you agreed to live them in.
 
i'm glad to hear from you, b. i've been thinking about you lately and wondering how it was all going. thanks for the update.
it sounds like this separation thing has been very beneficial for you and your family. i'm so glad! you have put in a lot of hard work, and you deserve your family back.

all i know for myself is that i'm a mother first. the other stuff is still all a blur. i know it's very important for me to be an individual too, so i would have to add that as #2 or #3. i need personal time and space in order to be better at the other things.
 
I've never really defined roles like that, I figure I'm just me in every aspect of my life and if that causes problems with people too bad. I am me and that's all I'm ever going to be.

However it's getting closer to the time when I'll have to define my roles as:

1. Marine
2. Everything else

So who knows :o
 
oh he's in there somewhere. :lol:
mother
individual
wife
daughter
friend
housewife

i think that's my top five, and the most important to me. number six is a bitch and i hate it, so i have to really work on that one.
 
b_sinning said:
I've had a whole lot of bad stuff happen in the past few weeks due to either me or my wife or her family misunderstanding our roles. I've finally understood mine and because of that I'm back with my wife and we're looking for a new home together.

My roles are Father first then husband then son then emplyoee. It sounds easy to live by your roles but it's hard sometimes. I've clashed with my inlaws very badly lately because they want my wife to be a daughter before being a wife and that's not allowed now. The whole purpose of the father giving the bride to the husband is to recognize that now the bride will always be a wife before a daughter. Anyways. My roles were out of whack so I'm fixing them. I'm moving back to my old job position because work was cutting into my family time and the stress of trying to balance everything was starting to take it's toll on me. Oddly enough I'm happier now than I have been in a long time. So is my wife and son. Enough blogging.



What are your roles?
Click to expand...

Major Mad Props to you and your wife on working things out between the two of you. Instead of taking the easy way out and getting a divorce. :):cool::heart:

JPatrick said:
husband
Mr. Handlebar's lover
drunkard
employee
hobo trapper
angry guy
erotic boob massager

Those are in no particular order, btw
Click to expand...

Fixed :fly:
 
I actually look at my list a little different then the other parents here. My list goes...

1. Wife
2. Mother
3. Individual (I like that addition of Thorn's and agree I need it as well).
4. Daughter/Sister
5. Everything else

Now before Knyte comes on and says, but but but, I realize the mother and wife roles get reversed way more then they should and I'm working on that, but I will admit with the kids the ages they are and their sole dependency on us as parents I put them before Knyte sometimes when I shouldn't. I think my biggest issue though is making sure to put Knyte before my daughter/sister role. I've always had a close family growing up and sometimes it's hard to break away, hence part of the reason we are moving out of state, to really define who we are as a family and not rely on our parents and siblings so much.


Edit: For those that do have parent first, it may be easier for you to understand why they have such a hard time letting their children go when they get married. If all your life your kids have been number one, then all of a sudden, the importance of their daughter/son role changes, it might not be so easy for you to let go or your positioning. When does Parent fall down the list and Spouse move into the number one slot? I'm not trying to criticize anyone or tell them their positions are wrong, just trying to give a different point of view on why our parents act the way they do sometimes. I've heard of people getting a divorce after their kids are grown because they no longer have anything in common because the spouse role was neglected while kids were growing up and they simply grew too far apart.

Kudos to you and your wife B for making sure to define that role and it's importance to each other.
 
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this is how i'm currently playing them:
boyfriend
employee
drunk
friend
relative
student

this is how they should be:
boyfriend
employee
relative
student
friend
drunk
 
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I guess I look at it differently as well, I tend not to separate the roles of Father and Husband.

1) Family Guy (husband/father)
2) Myself
3) Friend
3) Employee
4) Son/brother
5) Whatever else

My wife and child are the two most important people in my life, and I put them in equal, if not different views, but I find them overlapping so much I group them together. Often putting my son first is the best thing for my wife, so I'm doing both at the same time. I find the roles' priorities change constantly throughout the day based on what's happening in the moment and I react and prioritize those roles accordingly.
 
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