UF's Bone Closet : Featuring answers by elpmis

Dear elfpiss,

Sometimes when I watch my gardener Eduardo out in the yard "trimming the hedges" I get really aroused, go into the house, coat myself in nacho cheese, and then make my pet parrot Tweety give me oral pleasure while I stare at a velvet painting of Elvis, does this make me gay?
 
To whom it may concern:
I want to have a threesome with Fat Burger and BigDov, but I don;t know how to go about telling my fiance that I want to have a threesome with 2 guys I met on the internet. How should I do this?
 
*Fuxx Burger* said:
To whom it may concern:
I want to have a threesome with Fat Burger and BigDov, but I don;t know how to go about telling my fiance that I want to have a threesome with 2 guys I met on the internet. How should I do this?
PM sent to FB linking to this post. Problem solved.
 
*Fuxx Burger* said:
To whom it may concern:
I want to have a threesome with Fat Burger and BigDov, but I don;t know how to go about telling my fiance that I want to have a threesome with 2 guys I met on the internet. How should I do this?

Do it via email. Seems oddly appropriate.
 
Dear Mr. Elf Lipmus,

Is there more to life then just being really really really, ridiculously good looking?
 
Millions said:
Dear Mr. Elf Lipmus,

Is there more to life then just being really really really, ridiculously good looking?


There was a moment last night when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.
 
smileynev said:
Dear elfcock,

My boyfriend and I have been experimenting with nipple asphyxiation. He squeezes mine until they turn blue, then he gives them mouth to mouth. I than do it to him. Is there a chance that one time they won't be revived and I won't be able to breast feed my weasel?
if your nip goes dry, no worries. baby weasels can grow just fine on calorically dense food and plenty of water.
 
Drool-Boy said:
Dear simple

My uncle and I have been playing this game where we each get an erection, the we grip eachothers wang tightly, then the first one to lose the erection loses. We were wondering if you wanted to come over and play too.
YES, YES I DO
 
fly said:
dear elpmis,

Sometimes I like to dress like a clown and stick my nose in cats filthy assholes. My fat boyfriend calls me sick and unfunny, while eating cheddarwurst. Should I dump him?
No, smileyne.... I mean, your "friend" is upset with you because that cat is actually his wife
 
KNYTE said:
Dear elfpiss,

Sometimes when I watch my gardener Eduardo out in the yard "trimming the hedges" I get really aroused, go into the house, coat myself in nacho cheese, and then make my pet parrot Tweety give me oral pleasure while I stare at a velvet painting of Elvis, does this make me gay?
yes


because liking elvis is seriously, seriously gay
 
*Fuxx Burger* said:
To whom it may concern:
I want to have a threesome with Fat Burger and BigDov, but I don;t know how to go about telling my fiance that I want to have a threesome with 2 guys I met on the internet. How should I do this?
well your fiance already knows about one of the "2 guys" you met on the internet, so the problem is 50% easier than you thought