UF's Bone Closet : Featuring answers by elpmis

T

theacoustician

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Sep 30, 2004
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This is the Bone Closet thread, an area specifically designed to discuss issues relating to:

* Relationships

* Health matters

* Social interaction issues

* Sex

* Lite Erotica

All answers to questions will be given by elpmis. UF does not take responsibility if you're actually stupid enough to listen to him.

Start asking questions ......... now!
 
Drool-Boy said:
So theres a large festering boil on a penis that Im familiar with, should the owner of said penis hot foot it to the doctor, or attempt a self-lancing?
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what do you mean "familiar" with? Like you already know it's HPV?
 
ChikkenNoodul said:
Dear elpmis,


I used to enjoy hours of deep fisting action, but lately I've been having problems holding my poo in. Is there anything that can be done?
Click to expand...
Sounds like your anal tissue was damaged way beyong an anal fissure ... A rare, but serious, complication after fisting is a hole (perforation) in the colon. This dangerous problem requires hospitalization, surgery to repair the hole, and antibiotics to prevent infection. A colonic perforation will usually cause fever and severe pain and pressure in the abdomen. This condition requires immediate medical attention, either through your health care provider or your local hospital emergency department.
 
Drool-Boy said:
well, it DID untill you pointed it out penisbreath


edit - ELPMIS - how can knyte get rid of his penis breath?
thx
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honestly I don't think he ever can considering his mouth to dick ratio is like 86.4%
 
ChikkenNoodul said:
A friend of mine has some really strange fetishes, mostly involving the wearing of capes, raw eggs, vegetable peelers, and cadavers.

Apparantly, some of the activities involved are illegal in many states, and the jig is almost up as they say. Should my friend flee to Mexico or Canada?
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look man, I already told you I'm not moving to mexico or canada
 
Ive been running a multi-state slavery ring for under-age sex slaves.
Ive been transporting them under a hard-cover for the bed of my pickup, but it seems they dont always all survive the journey.
Should I cut holes in the hard-cover, or just sell the dead ones to one of the local deli marts?
 
Dear elpmis,

My girlfriend says that she wants to save her flower for marriage. And I'm all for that, I feel the exact same why. My problem is that a few months back, before we started going out, my cousin got me drunk and fucked me with his pitchfork. He penetrated my naughty poop area, but I'm not sure if he broke the hymen. Is there anyway to check?
 
Drool-Boy said:
Ive been running a multi-state slavery ring for under-age sex slaves.
Ive been transporting them under a hard-cover for the bed of my pickup, but it seems they dont always all survive the journey.
Should I cut holes in the hard-cover, or just sell the dead ones to one of the local deli marts?
Click to expand...

There isn't an open market for dead underage sex slaves?? I'm sure we could find one.
 
Drool-Boy said:
Ive been running a multi-state slavery ring for under-age sex slaves.
Ive been transporting them under a hard-cover for the bed of my pickup, but it seems they dont always all survive the journey.
Should I cut holes in the hard-cover, or just sell the dead ones to one of the local deli marts?
Click to expand...
have you considered using the dead ones as lawn ornaments?

that could be kinda cool
 
smileynev said:
Dear elpmis,

My girlfriend says that she wants to save her flower for marriage. And I'm all for that, I feel the exact same why. My problem is that a few months back, before we started going out, my cousin got me drunk and fucked me with his pitchfork. He penetrated my naughty poop area, but I'm not sure if he broke the hymen. Is there anyway to check?
Click to expand...
no need to worry, assholes don't have hymens to break

on a related note though, how hard did he fuck you in your ass with that pitchfork? Can you shove your whole fist up there? Perhaps a small child? I know someone who would pay good money for you to smuggle small kids (slaves) up your asshole
 
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