Desslock said:My wife is so fat when she stands on the corner a policeman tells her to break it up.
After sex, I roll over twice and I'm still on top of her.
Grunt said:I'm sure you've all heard it but I love this joke
Two guys are talking and one guy says, "You know, I'm got to see a doctor about my sore elbow." The other guy answers, "You don't have to. There's a new machine at the drugstore now. All you have to do is piss in a bottle, pour it in the machine and the machine will tell you what's wrong with you!"
So the first guy runs down to the drugstore, finds the machine, pisses in a bottle, pours it in the machine and two minutes later a piece of paper comes out reading, "You have Tennis elbow, rest it for two weeks and it will heel."
At first he is just totally amazed, but by the time he gets home he is a bit intimidated by the technology and decides that he wants to fool the machine. He goes to the backyard. gets some dog shit and puts it in a bottle. Next he gets his wife and then his daughter to piss in this bottle. Finally he jerks off in the bottle.
He shakes the bottle up and rushes back to the drugstore. He gets to the machine and pours it into the machine. About ten minutes later a slip of paper comes out of the machine reading, "Your dog has worms. Send him to the vet. Your daughter has a cocaine problem. Send her to rehab. Your wife is pregnant, with twins. They are not yours. Get a lawyer.
And for God's sake man, stop jerking off or your tennis elbow will never heal!"