Thursday Joke Thread

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Oct 1, 2004
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Cardinal Ratzinger was not the Cardinals' first choice. That was,
interestingly, Cardinal Hans Grapje. Grapje was raised in a Catholic
school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest.
However, he was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years
co-piloting bombers until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he
lost his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a
chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.

After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa,
piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across
the continent. In 1997, Father Grapje was serving in Zimbabwe when an
explosion in a silver mine caused a cave-in. Archbishop Grapje went
down into the mine to administer last rights to those too severely
injured to move. Another shaft collapsed, and he was buried for three
days, suffering multiple injuries, including the loss of his right
eye. The high silver content in the mine's air gave him purpura, a
life-long condition characterized by purplish skin blotches.

Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a
scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders felt that he should
never ascend to the Papacy. They felt that the Church would never
accept a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple Papal leader.


Now post some funny ones.
 
old but funny:

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided
to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends
encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her
younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore
tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down
when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It
had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to
me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires
for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to
overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going
upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just
come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched
her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her
panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the
front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and
walked straight toward my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his
eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed
our
little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family!"
The moral of this story is.....

Always keep your condoms in your car!
 
A guy walks into his bedroom after being out late one friday night and wakes up his wife who was already asleep. He has a duck tucked under his arm.

The wife, startled, asks "what are you doing?"

The husband says, "I just wanted to show you the hog I've been sleeping with"

"Umm, honey, that's not a pig"

"Shut up, I wasn't talking to you"
 
elpmis said:
A guy walks into his bedroom after being out late one friday night and wakes up his wife who was already asleep. He has a duck tucked under his arm.

The wife, startled, asks "what are you doing?"

The husband says, "I just wanted to show you the hog I've been sleeping with"

"Umm, honey, that's not a pig"

"Shut up, I wasn't talking to you"


:lol:
 
why_ask_why said:
old but funny:

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided
to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends
encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her
younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore
tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down
when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It
had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to
me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires
for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to
overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going
upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just
come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched
her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her
panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the
front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and
walked straight toward my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his
eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed
our
little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family!"
The moral of this story is.....

Always keep your condoms in your car!

Everytime I read that one it gets funnier. no, seriously....it does.
 
elpmis said:
A guy walks into his bedroom after being out late one friday night and wakes up his wife who was already asleep. He has a duck tucked under his arm.

The wife, startled, asks "what are you doing?"

The husband says, "I just wanted to show you the hog I've been sleeping with"

"Umm, honey, that's not a pig"

"Shut up, I wasn't talking to you"

Whats the duck say?
 
A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet $50 that
no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old
guitar.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts
playing. The octopus's owner pockets the fifty bucks. Next guy
comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up
the keys, licks its lips and starts playing a fantastic jazz solo. The
guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus's owner.

The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back,
coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his
arm. He puts them on the bar and say's to the guy and his octopus,
"Now, if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts them up, turns them
over, has another look from another angle.

Puzzled, the octopus's owner comes up and says, "What are you
pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"

The octopus says "Play it? If I can work out how to get its pajamas
off I'm gonna fuck it!"
 
Coqui said:
I'm still waiting for pics of you in a bikini.......You get that, I'll close this thread too

You realize this comment doesn't help the issue of your manliness from yesterday, right?

:fly: