They are a menace to humanity, and they must be stopped

ERage said:
That night the marlin went to the bar and was telling his buddies how he caught the biggest human ever but he threw it back because he only humaned for sport.

The other marlins rolled their eyes after assuming it was just another one of his human stories.

har har har


BOOOOO
 
shawndavid said:
Should have fucking plunged him to Davey Jones' Locker...fuckin murderer



What would people say if you dragged a Golden Retriever behind your Hummer with a big, barbed hookl in its mouth until it was too tired to fight?

"Mount that bitch on yer wall, mang!"


HAHA, made me think of Chevy Chase in Vacation
 
Onnotangu said:
It's not murder if the "victim" is not an intelligent speices.

I beg to differ, and now I refer to Reverend Maynard...

And the angel of the Lord came unto me,
snatching me up from my
place of slumber,
and took me on high,
and higher still until we
moved in the spaces betwixt the air itself.
and he bore me unto a
vast farmland of our own midwest,
and as we descended cries of
impending doom rose from the soil.
one thousand, nay, a million
voices full of fear.
and terror possessed me then.
and I begged,

"Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?"
And the angel said unto me,
"These are the cries of the carrots,
the cries of the carrots.
You see, reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day
and to them it is the holocaust."
And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat
like the tears of one millions terrified brothers
and roared,
"Hear me now,
I have seen the light,
they have a consciousness,
they have a life,
they have a soul.
damn you!
let the rabbits wear glasses,
save our brothers...can I get an amen?
can I get a hallelujah? thank you, Jesus.​
 
bast_imret said:
I think there's a bigger problem out there. Murderous Bunnies!

bunnies.jpg

Just get a holy handgrenade.
 
It was April the forty-first
Being a quadruple leap year
I was driving in downtown Atlantis
My barracuda was in the shop
So I was in a rented stingray
And it was overheating

So I pulled into a Shell Station
They said I'd blown a seal
I said, "Fix the damn thing
And leave my private life out of it
Okay pal?"

While they were doing that
I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar, a real dive
But I knew the owner
He used to play for the Dolphins
I said "Hi Gil"
You have to yell, he's hard of herring

Gil was also down on his luck
Fact is he was barely keeping his head below water
I bellied up to the sandbar
He poured me the usual

Rusty snail, hold the grunion
Shaken not stirred
With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side
Heavy on the mako

I slipped him a fin
On porpoise
I was feeling good
I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's squids
For the halibut

Well the place was crowded
We were packed in like sardines They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal
What sole

Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna
Salmon Chanted Evening
And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers
Probably there to see the bass player

One of them was this cute little yellowtail
And she's giving me the eye
So I figured this is my chance for a little fun
You know, piece of Pisces

But she said things I just couldn't fathom
She was too deep, seemed to be under a lot of pressure
Boy, could she drink
She drank like a . . .
She drank a lot

I said "What's your sign"
She said "Aquarium"
I said "Great, let's get tanked"

I invited her to my place for a midnight bait
I said "Come on baby, it'll only take a few minnows"
She threw me that same old line
"Not tonight, I gotta haddock"

And she wasn't kidding either
Cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock
I'd ever seen come down the pike
He was covered with mussels

He came over to me and said
"Listen, shrimp, don't you come trollin' around here"
What a crab
This guy was steamed
I could see the anchor in his eyes

I turned to him, I said
"A-balone, you're just being shellfish"
Well, I knew it was going to be trouble and so did Gil
‘Cause he was already on the phone to the cods

The haddock hits me with a sucker punch
I catch him with a left hook
He eels over
It was a fluke but there he was
Lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel
Kelpless

I said "Forget the cods Gil
This guy's gonna need a sturgeon"
Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend
She came over to me, she said
"Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish
What's your name"
I said "Marlin"

Well, from then on we had a whale of a time
I took her to dinner, I took her to dance
I bought her a bouquet of flounders
And then I went home with her
And what did I get for my trouble
A case of the clams
 
BeeRad said:
Wines brought to you by a Rock Star, sounds ermmmmm


sounds pretty bad actually, even though maynard is the man

Maynard's not just a "rock star". That could be like Cher brewing beer. Maynard's obsessed with wine, and studied and mentored with some of the finest in the industry before he started his lengthy trial-and-error process of perfeting his vintage. From some of the reviews on it it's quite good.
 
Flamer McDickchugger said:
Maynard's not just a "rock star". That could be like Cher brewing beer. Maynard's obsessed with wine, and studied and mentored with some of the finest in the industry before he started his lengthy trial-and-error process of perfeting his vintage. From some of the reviews on it it's quite good.
:wtf: