[Contest] The UF Boar!

fly

Osharts 11
Oct 1, 2004
72,317
23,900
1,073
Steam
mattressfish
So we're coming up on 8 years old. Things started back in 2004 with the useless boar. He's obviously now back after a hiatus. We don't know who he is though. How did he get here? Time for you guys to decide.

The Contest: Come up with a name and short bio for the Boar. Was he born out of a bacon shortage? Did he escape Drool's bathroom? I need to know.

The rules:
  • Since I am also useless, each person can only submit one entry. I don't want to have to read too much.
  • Whatever your entry is, please start the post with the words CONTEST SUBMISSION. That will make it easier for me to search the thread.
  • Having more than one submission will automatically exclude you from any prize winnings. Don't be a dick.
  • Contest closes on Friday 10/5/12.
The prizes:
  • Winner will receive a brand new Apple TV
  • Honorable mention gets their own UF tshirt

edit: Contest extended until Tuesday, October 9th.
 
Last edited:

Domon

Robotic Dexter
May 19, 2011
46,437
28,341
823
im waiting until everyone else posts so i can outdo them.
 

water

Flaccid Member
Oct 29, 2004
15,608
67
0
41
AZ
It's always been a fantasy of mine to be a sex slave for two boars, male and female.
 

Sarcasmo

A Taste Of Honey Fluff Boy
Mar 28, 2005
34,396
464
648
44
Austin
Just write an awesome story about a saucy wild boar (and how it became the UF mascot) and win an Apple TV.
 

water

Flaccid Member
Oct 29, 2004
15,608
67
0
41
AZ
CONTEST SUBMISSION (I hate all of you)

Richard had been brought up hard. An alcoholic father and trick-turning mother had left little opportunity for nurturing in Richard's family. One of five piglets Richard was smack-dab in the middle, and became largely invisible to his parents as a result. His mother just laid around the mound all day, when she wasn't out getting "airtighted" by the other males at the local watering hole, and his father would just as soon gore him as look at him. His childhood was spent fighting with his siblings for teet time. Luckily, Richard was no slouch in size or aggression, and always managed to get his fill. As a youth he worked his strong body with routine exercise. He was soon bigger and stronger than any of his brothers or sisters, his father took note of this and made it a regular occurrence to declare his perceived dominance, embarrassing him in front of family and friends. Richard kept his mouth shut, but vowed revenge.


He left the mound early at 20 months and struck out on his own. While the other boar were wasting time digging and wandering around the forest Richard bettered himself. He got a job as an apprentice stock broker and start making money quickly. At first he bettered himself with his new found influx of cash. He earned two degrees, one in finance the other in Karate, graduating with honors. He had a snout for finding stocks that would pay off and stacked papers better than most veterans twice his age. His fame and fortune grew exponentially over his first year in the biz, but with that new glory came exotic tastes, one which would control his life: acorns.


He got his first taste of "the brown nut" at a party that his flavor of the month female had invited him to. They were passing around a silver platter of fresh off the branch 100% pure acorns, and Richard didn't want to look like a bitch when the plate fell to him. When that first taste of Earthy, nutty goodness hit his mouth he knew he'd never shake it again. Acorns soon controlled his life. Even with his extravagant wealth he found his doing bad, even vile things to get his snout into more. Selling his clothes, robbery, even blowing another dude in the bathroom, it didn't matter as long as the nuts kept falling in his mouth.


For 3 months he lived in a Quercus-induced haze. His stock picks, which were at first bulletproof, became hit and miss, then just downright silly. He put $250k down on BP Oil 2 hours after the announcement of the Gulf Oil disaster. He followed that up with a terrible choice to back burned pancake insurance, a blunder that would cost him $6 million. His life was in a spiral but he didn't care, he still had a bushel of acorns stashed away and $500k in a Jamaican account. When the FTC came knocking he decided to bail, "Fuck them", he thought and tore out of the back of his 10sqft mound and into the underbrush. He lived in relative luxury until the money and the nuts ran out, then so did the women, and the people he called friends.


Richard stumbled blindly from place to place for months. No direction, no love, no acorns. He thought about giving up and walking into a gun range on ladies night, his hope lost. One night he settled himself up against the side of a house to sleep, only to be poked by a stick 10 minutes later. Weak and beyond caring, he did nothing but look up at his assailant, a pale skinned, high-pitched whiny voiced white girl named April stared back. "Whatsamatter lil guy?" she said, her voice grating against his ears. "Fly, c'mere" she shouted again, her screech like razor blades being dragged against Richard's ear drums. Before he passed out the last thing Richard remembered was a man saying something like "Hmm, maybe we should fuck it."


Richard awoke two weeks later in a comfortable bed in a clean room. His clothes had been cleaned and mended by skilled hands, and his hair was smooth, silky, and smelled of Pantene Pro-V. The door opened and a tall man with a goatee and an apron which read "Queen of the castle" sauntered in, carrying tea and scrumpets. He explained that he and April had brought him in and had taken care of him. They'd only attempted to have sex with him once but couldn't figure out how beyond pleasuring themselves with his tusks. The man then offered him free room and board in exchange for a job as mascot and model of his personally owned web forum, and also occasionally use of Richard's tusks. Richard agreed, immediately liking the man's effeminate manor and good hygiene. The man, who introduced himself as Fly, then directed Richard to put on a French Maid outfit and went to grab his camera.
 
Last edited:

Mr. Argumentor

Will Argue for Tacos
Sep 27, 2012
49,957
22,596
473
Tampa-ish
Steam
asastang
Richard had been brought up hard. An alcoholic father and trick-turning mother had left little opportunity for nurturing in Richard's family. One of five piglets Richard was smack-dab in the middle, and became largely invisible to his parents as a result. His mother just laid around the mound all day, when she wasn't out getting "airtighted" by the other males at the local watering hole, and his father would just as soon gore him as look at him. His childhood was spent fighting with his siblings for teet time. Luckily, Richard was no slouch in size or aggression, and always managed to get his fill. As a youth he worked his strong body with routine exercise. He was soon bigger and stronger than any of his brothers or sisters, his father took note of this and made it a regular occurrence to declare his perceived dominance, embarrassing him in front of family and friends. Richard kept his mouth shut, but vowed revenge.


He left the mound early at 20 months and struck out on his own. While the other boar were wasting time digging and wandering around the forest Richard bettered himself. He got a job as an apprentice stock broker and start making money quickly. At first he bettered himself with his new found influx of cash. He earned two degrees, one in finance the other in Karate, graduating with honors. He had a snout for finding stocks that would pay off and stacked papers better than most veterans twice his age. His fame and fortune grew exponentially over his first year in the biz, but with that new glory came exotic tastes, one which would control his life: acorns.


He got his first taste of "the brown nut" at a party that his flavor of the month female had invited him to. They were passing around a silver platter of fresh off the branch 100% pure acorns, and Richard didn't want to look like a bitch when the plate fell to him. When that first taste of Earthy, nutty goodness hit his mouth he knew he'd never shake it again. Acorns soon controlled his life. Even with his extravagant wealth he found his doing bad, even vile things to get his snout into more. Selling his clothes, robbery, even blowing another dude in the bathroom, it didn't matter as long as the nuts kept falling in his mouth.


For 3 months he lived in a Quercus-induced haze. His stock picks, which were at first bulletproof, became hit and miss, then just downright silly. He put $250k down on BP Oil 2 hours after the announcement of the Gulf Oil disaster. He followed that up with a terrible choice to back burned pancake insurance, a blunder that would cost him $6 million. His life was in a spiral but he didn't care, he still had a bushel of acorns stashed away and $500k in a Jamaican account. When the FTC came knocking he decided to bail, "Fuck them", he thought and tore out of the back of his 10sqft mound and into the underbrush. He lived in relative luxury until the money and the nuts ran out, then so did the women, and the people he called friends.


Richard stumbled blindly from place to place for months. No direction, no love, no acorns. He thought about giving up and walking into a gun range on ladies night, his hope lost. One night he settled himself up against the side of a house to sleep, only to be poked by a stick 10 minutes later. Weak and beyond caring, he did nothing but look up at his assailant, a pale skinned, high-pitched whiny voiced white girl named April stared back. "Whatsamatter lil guy?" she said, her voice grating against his ears. "Fly, c'mere" she shouted again, her screech like razor blades being dragged against Richard's ear drums. Before he passed out the last thing Richard remembered was a man saying something like "Hmm, maybe we should fuck it."


Richard awoke two weeks later in a comfortable bed in a clean room. His clothes had been cleaned and mended by skilled hands, and his hair was smooth, silky, and smelled of Pantene Pro-V. The door opened and a tall man with a goatee and an apron which read "Queen of the castle" sauntered in, carrying tea and scrumpets. He explained that he and April had brought him in and had taken care of him. They'd only attempted to have sex with him once but couldn't figure out how beyond pleasuring themselves with his tusks. The man then offered him free room and board in exchange for a job as mascot and model of his personally owned web forum, and also occasionally use of Richard's tusks. Richard agreed, immediately liking the man's effeminate manor and good hygiene. The man, who introduced himself as Fly, then directed Richard to put on a French Maid outfit and went to grab his camera.
Since you didn't follow the rules, and post CONTEST SUBMISSION at the top, can I steal that?
 

DJBrenton

In Her Majesty's Secret Cervix
Feb 10, 2010
9,391
3,297
273
Robin Hoodland
CONTEST SUBMISSION (I hate all of you)

Richard had been brought up hard. An alcoholic father and trick-turning mother had left little opportunity for nurturing in Richard's family. One of five piglets Richard was smack-dab in the middle, and became largely invisible to his parents as a result. His mother just laid around the mound all day, when she wasn't out getting "airtighted" by the other males at the local watering hole, and his father would just as soon gore him as look at him. His childhood was spent fighting with his siblings for teet time. Luckily, Richard was no slouch in size or aggression, and always managed to get his fill. As a youth he worked his strong body with routine exercise. He was soon bigger and stronger than any of his brothers or sisters, his father took note of this and made it a regular occurrence to declare his perceived dominance, embarrassing him in front of family and friends. Richard kept his mouth shut, but vowed revenge.


He left the mound early at 20 months and struck out on his own. While the other boar were wasting time digging and wandering around the forest Richard bettered himself. He got a job as an apprentice stock broker and start making money quickly. At first he bettered himself with his new found influx of cash. He earned two degrees, one in finance the other in Karate, graduating with honors. He had a snout for finding stocks that would pay off and stacked papers better than most veterans twice his age. His fame and fortune grew exponentially over his first year in the biz, but with that new glory came exotic tastes, one which would control his life: acorns.


He got his first taste of "the brown nut" at a party that his flavor of the month female had invited him to. They were passing around a silver platter of fresh off the branch 100% pure acorns, and Richard didn't want to look like a bitch when the plate fell to him. When that first taste of Earthy, nutty goodness hit his mouth he knew he'd never shake it again. Acorns soon controlled his life. Even with his extravagant wealth he found his doing bad, even vile things to get his snout into more. Selling his clothes, robbery, even blowing another dude in the bathroom, it didn't matter as long as the nuts kept falling in his mouth.


For 3 months he lived in a Quercus-induced haze. His stock picks, which were at first bulletproof, became hit and miss, then just downright silly. He put $250k down on BP Oil 2 hours after the announcement of the Gulf Oil disaster. He followed that up with a terrible choice to back burned pancake insurance, a blunder that would cost him $6 million. His life was in a spiral but he didn't care, he still had a bushel of acorns stashed away and $500k in a Jamaican account. When the FTC came knocking he decided to bail, "Fuck them", he thought and tore out of the back of his 10sqft mound and into the underbrush. He lived in relative luxury until the money and the nuts ran out, then so did the women, and the people he called friends.


Richard stumbled blindly from place to place for months. No direction, no love, no acorns. He thought about giving up and walking into a gun range on ladies night, his hope lost. One night he settled himself up against the side of a house to sleep, only to be poked by a stick 10 minutes later. Weak and beyond caring, he did nothing but look up at his assailant, a pale skinned, high-pitched whiny voiced white girl named April stared back. "Whatsamatter lil guy?" she said, her voice grating against his ears. "Fly, c'mere" she shouted again, her screech like razor blades being dragged against Richard's ear drums. Before he passed out the last thing Richard remembered was a man saying something like "Hmm, maybe we should fuck it."


Richard awoke two weeks later in a comfortable bed in a clean room. His clothes had been cleaned and mended by skilled hands, and his hair was smooth, silky, and smelled of Pantene Pro-V. The door opened and a tall man with a goatee and an apron which read "Queen of the castle" sauntered in, carrying tea and scrumpets. He explained that he and April had brought him in and had taken care of him. They'd only attempted to have sex with him once but couldn't figure out how beyond pleasuring themselves with his tusks. The man then offered him free room and board in exchange for a job as mascot and model of his personally owned web forum, and also occasionally use of Richard's tusks. Richard agreed, immediately liking the man's effeminate manor and good hygiene. The man, who introduced himself as Fly, then directed Richard to put on a French Maid outfit and went to grab his camera.



TLDR Cliffs