Advice The Home Improvement/Automation Thread

HipHugHer

Looks like Ted Nugent, Smells like Sasquatch
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yeah this this just happened this past week. it just seemed like an appropriate thing to mention with the video @Domon posted. I'm glad she wasn't inside - she had been saying for months that the electrical was fucked up, and sending me messages about what to do when she dies, I just figured she was being overdramatic. I didnt tell her that, and luckily she wasn't in the place when it burned so I don't have to do any of that.

she has now been asking me questions about the size of my property that I have been trying my best to deflect because I'm worried she's trying to angle for moving in here and I can't deal with that.
That's a tough one as idk what kinda relationship y'all got.
My folks took care of me for 18 years and then some and I'd certainly return the favor, although moving someone in can be a great way to ruin your relationship with them depending...
 

Valve1138

I eat my own poo with a spoon
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Use that and drive some 7” screws right through the TV, screw the duct tape. As long as all that crap on the shelves is hidden. Anything is an improvement. Jeez. Respect thyself. At least my hovel ain’t cluttered like Fred Sanford’s front yard.

Whats got you all riled up? Other half of your heart perk up?
 

august

I’m always wet in my basement area
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That's a tough one as idk what kinda relationship y'all got.
My folks took care of me for 18 years and then some and I'd certainly return the favor, although moving someone in can be a great way to ruin your relationship with them depending...
there's a reason I'm so fucking argumentative and assume people have nefarious/underhanded intentions. both of my parents had good and bad times. my dad had a temper that made me learn how to de-escalate by just acquiescing to/agreeing with everything (see: fawning as a trauma response). with my mom, it was more manipulative; everything is everyone else's fault, and she uses guilt heavily to force agreement (and takes credit for the good stuff even when the bad is something she orchestrated).

she would move here and never leave. she'd insist we leave Daphne with her instead of taking her to her other grandma's like we've been doing. she already guilts us about how she doesn't get to see her enough because we cant video chat every night. she sends cryptic "call me when you get this, I have some bad news" messages when I haven't called recently enough for her, and then the bad news will be something like someone who I haven't seen since I was 3 and have no idea who they are died, and then she keeps saying "you remember them? of course you do. you met them when you were little. you remember them. they're the one who did this thing. you remember." and we both know that it was a tactic to force a phone call, but if I call her on it, it's "that's not true but wow it takes someone dying to get you to talk to me, I must have been a terrible mother" type shit.
 
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august

I’m always wet in my basement area
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when I was laid up in the hospital after having Daphne and she was still admitted because of the head thing, she kept harassing me for a specific picture setup that I told her I'd get but would take time/getting someone else to take it so just hold off, and she harassed me hourly for days, messaging Jason, too, and giving me the "you'll understand as she grows up why this is so important to me" - despite sending her many other pictures of the baby during that time
 
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august

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I just moved in a month ago and haven't even been able to truly enjoy living in my own house yet (still living out of boxes, mattress is still set up in the living room, etc) so even if I thought it was a good idea to have her here, I wouldn't be stoked, but I 100% cannot live with her. also as fucked up as I turned out emotionally thanks to my formative years, I don't want her to have an active role in raising this baby. it's taken years to try to unlearn what my childhood taught me about love and interpersonal relationships, and I don't think it's wise to subject my kid to that. I'm sure I'll fuck up, too, but at least I haven't already proven to have done that, you know?
 

august

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especially because so far every time I've told her anything that's going on with the baby, like teething or eating or being sick, at every turn she's giving me shitty advice and getting upset/guilting me for saying I'm going to listen to the pediatrician
 

HipHugHer

Looks like Ted Nugent, Smells like Sasquatch
Apr 18, 2016
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I just moved in a month ago and haven't even been able to truly enjoy living in my own house yet (still living out of boxes, mattress is still set up in the living room, etc) so even if I thought it was a good idea to have her here, I wouldn't be stoked, but I 100% cannot live with her. also as fucked up as I turned out emotionally thanks to my formative years, I don't want her to have an active role in raising this baby. it's taken years to try to unlearn what my childhood taught me about love and interpersonal relationships, and I don't think it's wise to subject my kid to that. I'm sure I'll fuck up, too, but at least I haven't already proven to have done that, you know?
I bet you're better at mom-ing than you think. Just what you've said here shows a lot of forward thinking and recognizing possible problems before they happen and actively trying to "break the cycle" so to speak.

You know what the best decision is and already made it, just gonna take some sticking to your guns and probably pissing some people off at least short term to make that clear to everyone and not let her guilt you into changing your mind.

Not an easy thing to do with a loved one/parent/child, etc. Shitty situation all around. Does she have other options or are you like the only thing that could keep her from living in her car?
If not, don't feel like a bad person for doing what you know is best for you and your kid. Because the "omg I lost everything in a fire and you wouldn't even help your own mom" thing is coming.

Easy stuff for me to say as I'm not in your shoes.
 
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wetwille

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when I was laid up in the hospital after having Daphne and she was still admitted because of the head thing, she kept harassing me for a specific picture setup that I told her I'd get but would take time/getting someone else to take it so just hold off, and she harassed me hourly for days, messaging Jason, too, and giving me the "you'll understand as she grows up why this is so important to me" - despite sending her many other pictures of the baby during that time
Stick to your guns. You and YOUR young family matter the most. Wishing you the best with it all.
 

august

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thanks y'all, @HipHugHer she is staying with a friend for now, so she has somewhere (idk how long that'll last). her parents live down there, too, but she probably won't be able to stay with them and idk if she'll even try. starting over is daunting, but I got where I am now bc I had friends that helped, I couldn't rely on my family for that.
 

HipHugHer

Looks like Ted Nugent, Smells like Sasquatch
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thanks y'all, @HipHugHer she is staying with a friend for now, so she has somewhere (idk how long that'll last). her parents live down there, too, but she probably won't be able to stay with them and idk if she'll even try. starting over is daunting, but I got where I am now bc I had friends that helped, I couldn't rely on my family for that.
So she has at least some options as long as she doesn't wear out her welcome there too. That's up to her.

You're doing what's best in the long run, I think you know that. Doesn't make it any easier now though.
 
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Domon

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Reading this makes me realize how boring/undramatic my family is, and how great that is.
yep, mine is also normal. Although a while back, i felt like I had a new second cousin/undiscovered family member that i found out about when they were already 2 years.... or 20 years old. My family likes to hide all the outta wedlock kids under the covers.
 

OOD

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Reading this makes me realize how boring/undramatic my family is, and how great that is.
My family is racist. And I have a crazy sister. And batshit religious brother. And the in-laws are not allowed to see my kids.
 

HipHugHer

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I'm with gee. My family is pretty much a Norman Rockwell painting come to life.
Maybe that's why I seek out those on the fringes. Growing up in innocent any town, USA, marrying the girl down the street, and having a perfect white picket fence just isn't that exciting.
 
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