The Dating Lighthouse: Part 3


Flaccid Member
Sep 30, 2004
Austin, Land of pot and...pot
In early times, people set fires at the edge of the water to warn boats of dangerous rocks and shores. In modern times, I will write stories at the edge of insanity to warn people of dangerous bitches and whores.


To some this means a great deal. $80 can buy some rather fine weekend entertainment, or perhaps food for weeks. To her, $80 was the amount I had in my pocket when she asked if she could borrow some money.

About a year ago, she had trouble meeting her mortgage payment. She had money coming in (of course), but her bills were due and she wouldn't have enough money to cover all bills and still be able to eat. Looking into my already meager checking account, I was able to scrounge up $200 so she would make it through the week. Six months later, after she paid me back, I needed $100 to cover rent, which she was happily able to supply. And I too paid it back. That's what people do when they care about someone, you help them out of a jam. So it meant nothing to me to throw her the cash I had on hand to help her pay her lawnman.

We had talked seriously about saving money, it was important to both of us. But after our last fight, we decided that we needed to reignite the spark. Strangely enough, that spark costs $50 at On The Border. Mid-margarita, I reach for the check, and she protests. I say that while I appreciate the effort, she's hurting for money and I have a bit to spend. Her response:

"I have about $6k in my account."

Now, I didn't quite understand this. In the past, we've borrowed money when we really needed it. So I ask why she needed to borrow $80 when she had a lot more than I have saved up.

"I'm trying to save up $ know, for our wedding."

It took me three seconds to process this information. Now, I too am hurting for money. I have $5k of bills coming due this week and only $5k in my account, leading to the inevitable fight over paying the phone bill on time or, you know, eating. I went through the Six Stages of Grieving rather quickly:

Denial: Nah, I just heard her wrong.
Anger: What the holy fuck?
Bargaining: What if she give me that special attention in lieu of paying me back? That'd be awesome.
Depression: Jesus, i'm doing this shit to myself...again.
Back to Anger: What the holy fuck?
Acceptance: When I give money, I expect nothing in return. I don't care how she spends it. It's a gift, not something I hold over someone's head.

She saw me at anger, and we can all guess what happened next. The solemn drive home, the running into my bedroom to sulk, all the while I take her dog out to shit and piss again, get my laptop ready for her to use for her grad school class, and prepare to fix her laptop. The next hour was a flurry of drama, but I did not get sucked in. We went through the Six Stages of Crazy-Girl Drama rather slow:

Crazy Denial: "That time a year ago when you said you would give me $100 towards my mom's washer, I said no, so I thought that this was payment. This isn't my fault."
(Response: "You didn't bring that up at the time, so how was I supposed to know that? You're trying to reason out of you feeling bad."

Crazy Anger: "Just take the fucking money back! We can't go a day without arguing! I'm not even going to bother to save money for our wedding! Fuck you!"
(Response: "I gave the money to you as a gift. I don't care how you spend it. But we had always given money to each other when we were in bad times. That's what confused me.")

Crazy Bargaining: "If you let me give you the money back, this will all be over. I'll even pay for the dinner."
(Response: "No, it won't. You misrepresented your situation to me. I'm the one hurting for money, and I gave that to you because I assumed you were in a worse situation. That money is gone to me, and I've already taken steps to make sure I can cover my bills.")

Crazy Depression: "We can't do anything right. I feel so bad right now. *cries*
(Response: "You feel bad because you got caught. You don't feel bad about what you did.)

Crazy Anger, Part Deux: "You should have offered to mow my lawn, then I wouldn't have to pay someone to do it. I'm too scared to ask you, so this is your fault."
(Response: *laughter, lots of laughter*)

Crazy Depression, Part Deux: "We can't do anything right. Please leave me alone for a while."
(Response: *leaves*)

Sadly, we never got to "Crazy Acceptance".


Feel Free to Pee on Me
Sep 30, 2004
OMFG Please tell me there aren't women like that... or at least you let her wear her black eye out in public.


If I had a dollar might give ya 99
Oct 15, 2004
theacoustician said:
I really really hope this is all made up.
I'm in complete denial, I think that Dirk uses creative license with all of his stories and where there may be a grain of fact in each one, it's surrounded by a deep fried coating of grease laden beer batter.


Flaccid Member
Sep 30, 2004
DirkPhoenix said:


On the plus side, it give me great fodder for stories. On the downside, I now need to go blow horse dick for rent.
Just date the horse instead. Rent is cheaper, food is cheaper, and if she gets out of line, you can threaten to turn her into glue.