Ontopic The 3D printing thread

From what I’ve been reading around here, there are some spare nuts in formaldehyde stored somewhere.
 
I was thinking a captured nut or a thread insert for the threads.
Plastic threads are adequate.

The Intertap stainless tap I've got on the cold brew keg at work gives you about 3/4" of 3/8-16 UNC thread to grab onto, you won't be pulling that out. Plus it comes with a threaded ABS plastic handle to begin with.
 
Half hour (maybe an hour if you want fancy shit) in Solidworks. That'll be the expensive part. Last time I freelanced design stuff I was at $40/hr but I was gouging him cause it was shady.

Probably $2-4 worth of filament per?

If you leave them on the taps you'd need to get a filament that isnt bothered by the Florida heat.
I've printed a few tap handles. If you want durable, go with ABS (best for the job, but a bit of a bitch to print) or PETG. Print them on their back for the best mechanical strength in that shape.

Don't bother trying to print the threads, just print an undersized hole and drill/tap the hole. Make sure you use enough top/bottom layers and perimeters to account for the thread you'll be cutting out. You'll probably want to have thick walls and lots of infill anyway, to maximize the resilience to drunk people.
Is this something that you could do @Mr. Asa? If not, do you know anyone that could?
 
Sure. Do you want anything other than some basic tap handles like in the eBay link?
I currently have some black PETG, if you want a different color take a look online and let me know what you like. I usually prefer Hatchbox PETG, but their distribution system blows goats and its usually sold out. eSun is a decent alternative. Can find both on Amazon.
 
The 3" head combines to make a weird geometry with the base. I don't like it. If you narrow the base it ends up looking all @Domon-like. If you widen it so it looks proportional to the head it looks squatty.

Maybe a universal tap handle base at about 8" with replaceable 3" heads? Overall height of 11"?

I dunno.