Story-time with happily neverafter!

O

OT > UF

Guest
Hello children! I'm glad you could join me! Today's story is called "The Drunken Beast's Behavior"!

Our story begins early this past Monday evening. Happily neverafter came home from work and had a Guinness to calm her nerves after a hard day. She felt very Irish. She would have popped in an Irish movie to enhance the effect, but Jaxxor broke the dvd outlet thingie on the tv :noes:

And anyway, Jaxxor had decided it was dinner time! So Happily neverafter made herself a delicious roast beef sandwich, and Jaxxor made himself a scotch and water. He made her one too, because you do stuff like that when you're inlove :heart: Then they both sat down at the table and talked about their day! Happily neverafter noticed that Jaxxor had that sleepy look about him. She
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casually asked him if that was his first scotch and water of the evening. He was all :fly: "No, an' I've god a preddy gud buzz on ri' now". Happily neverafter was jealous. She had gotten no buzz whatsoever from her Guinness or this first scotch and water she had just wolfed down. She decided that this called for a game she liked to call "Catch Up". Silly girl, she should have known that this game only works if the other person stops drinking!

She told Jaxxor that she wanted another drink - and strong - and fast! He stood up to make it for her and another one for himself, but Happily neverafter noticed that he wasn't moving very fast - standing still as a matter of fact! She suddenly had a vision of scotch all over the floor and glass everywhere, so she quickly made the drinks herself.

Before she even had a chance to take a sip, Jaxxor decided it was high time to teach his little lady how to knife fight. He demonstrated several moves, as Happily neverafter pressed herself against the wall furthest away from him.

I don't know if it was the tinkling of ice in the glass, or that he had to tinkle, but somehow he became distracted from the lesson, much to Happily neverafter's relief.

As they were finishing their drinks, Jaxxor decided to cook a potato.

While they waited on the potato to cook, the happy couple decided that it would be a good time to split the last Guinness, sit out on the porch and smoke a cigar, even though Happily neverafter was wheezing like an old lady with emphysema. Kids these days! They think they're invincible! :rolleyes:

Jaxxor babbled on suprisingly coherent and they cuddled and made fun of the neighbors.

When the cigar was finished, they went back inside where Jaxxor prepared his potato all by himself! They were sitting at the table, when Jaxxor suddenly dropped his plate in his lap. Potato and cheese went everywhere! Jaxxor just sat there in shock for a minute, as if trying to absorb what had just happened. Happily neverafter, still virtually sober (and not happy about it, I might add), immediately jumped up, got some paper towels and cleaned the mess off the floor. By this time Jaxxor had picked the plate up off his lap and screamed about how the potato, still in his lap, was burning his nether regions. Happily neverafter just
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and started cleaning the kitchen.

Suddenly there was a crash! Jaxxor had fallen out of his chair! :tard: Happily neverafter ran over to him to see if he was ok. She picked the chair up, and Jaxxor just layed there on his side, crumpled up against the wall. He got really talkative again and eventually shifted to laying flat on his back. He went on about how he was going to take a shower and that he needed his bathrobe. Happily neverafter just
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and
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and covered him in his bathrobe.

She went out to get the mail, and when she came back, Jaxxor and his robe were gone! And there was a pile of clothing in the dining room. She never thought a drunk could move so fast! She heard the shower running and listened closely for any crashes. Finally she sat down to read a book. Just as she was getting to a good part, she hears the water turn off, the curtain pull back and an extremely loud and slightly demonic, "OH GOD!!!!!!". Happily neverafter jumped
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and quickly went back to her book.

Jaxxor comes out of the bathroom perfectly jolly (
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) and sits down and starts cuddling one of the cats. After seeing that he was ok, Happily neverafter takes her bath and gets ready for bed. When she comes out, Jaxxor is in the bedroom setting the alarm clock. She stepped back into the bathroom to brush her teeth and she thought she heard her name called.

She came back out and saw feet sticking out of the closet. She looks in and sees Jaxxor passed out on the floor! IN THE CLOSET! First she :fly: , then she grabbed his arms and pulled him up, his head lolling around like a newborn baby who isn't carried properly. He finally comes to when she has him in a near standing position. And suddenly he's wide awake. He didn't believe that Happily neverafter had just scraped him off the closet floor.

She didn't have to do much convincing to get him into bed (
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)

And the next day, he remembered nothing.
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THE END.


Cliffs: Jaxxor got drunk on Monday night, burned his dick, passed out in various places in the house, and remembered nothing the next day.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
J

jaxxor

Guest
let me tell you. you may think this story is about me, but it's really about what a keeper HNE is. :heart:

If I hadn't already proposed to her before I certainly would have now :o

ninja edit: she's a damn good writer too!
 
J

jaxxor

Guest
Drool-Boy said:
wow jaxxor is a cheap dirty blackout drunk
who woulda thunk it?:fly:

you bastard :lol:

I warned her that I would probably do this at some point. At least I don't wake up looking for phantom spiders...
 
J

jaxxor

Guest
theacoustician said:
So you're both alcoholics?

no, I'm just a guy that likes to get drunk, pass out in closets, and ramble on in my hobo babble
 
O

OT > UF

Guest
jaxxor said:
no, I'm just a guy that likes to get drunk, pass out in closets, and ramble on in my hobo babble



yeah and I can't even get a buzz on after a pint and 1/2 of Guinness, and 2 scotch and waters - I harldy qualify as an alki.
 

fly

Osharts 11
Oct 1, 2004
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mattressfish
jaxxor said:
you bastard :lol:

I warned her that I would probably do this at some point. At least I don't wake up looking for phantom spiders...
With leaves in your hair and only 1 sock on...