WTF Stories from Jamaica...

fly

Osharts 11
Oct 1, 2004
72,258
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mattressfish
As most of you know, I just got back from an all-inclusive in Jamaica with April, Shawn, and Brad. It was mildly insane, as you can imagine. The particular story that comes to mind happened late one night after our regular excesses of drinking. We were all chatting with some new people that had just arrived to the resort. I was sitting on a bar stool at the swim-up bar. That's when I noticed Shawn approach out of the corner of my eye. I continued talking to these guys when I felt something on me. I turned to him and said, "Did you just put it on me?"

He had.

He said that he had been trying to cupcake me with pee but his plan was failing. Since the tank was about empty, he decided his only choice was to put his little gumdrop on my leg and pee on it. I was slightly mortified, but couldn't really say much because I didn't want to freak out the nice couple that we were talking to. I laughed, pushed him away, and kept talking. However, I knew I had to get him back.

Through an unfortunate set of consequences, April and I have to use condoms right now. On our last day at the resort, I stealthily placed a used condom all the way into his running shoes. My idea was that he would instantly feel it, go to grab it out with his hands, and I win. I ended up with the bonus plan. We've been back for four days now. He just found it. Since he's a germaphobe, there have been numerous handwashings. None will be enough. I win.
 

JAXvillain

Curly_Sue
Oct 13, 2004
68,542
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unclean! *shawn scrubs some more*

1-dirty_hands.jpg
 

b_sinning

Erect Member
Nov 22, 2004
22,790
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Savannah, GA
The germaphobe thing reminded me of an awesome episode of Raising Hope where they turn on a black light after scrubbing down the house and the grandmother walks into the room and her whole body is glowing with germs.

raising-hope-germ-of-a-story_article_story_main.jpg


I'll have to remember that if I'm able to meet him when he rents the cabin in north georgia. I have secretly been wondering if he's trying to lure me up there to kill me and sex with my corpse.


I'll have to mention the condom thing to him in the middle of a BF3 match just to watch him die.
 

Applesauce

The Gypsy-The Acid Queen
Dec 9, 2008
24,574
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As most of you know, I just got back from an all-inclusive in Jamaica with April, Shawn, and Brad. It was mildly insane, as you can imagine. The particular story that comes to mind happened late one night after our regular excesses of drinking. We were all chatting with some new people that had just arrived to the resort. I was sitting on a bar stool at the swim-up bar. That's when I noticed Shawn approach out of the corner of my eye. I continued talking to these guys when I felt something on me. I turned to him and said, "Did you just put it on me?"

He had.

He said that he had been trying to cupcake me with pee but his plan was failing. Since the tank was about empty, he decided his only choice was to put his little gumdrop on my leg and pee on it. I was slightly mortified, but couldn't really say much because I didn't want to freak out the nice couple that we were talking to. I laughed, pushed him away, and kept talking. However, I knew I had to get him back.

Through an unfortunate set of consequences, April and I have to use condoms right now. On our last day at the resort, I stealthily placed a used condom all the way into his running shoes. My idea was that he would instantly feel it, go to grab it out with his hands, and I win. I ended up with the bonus plan. We've been back for four days now. He just found it. Since he's a germaphobe, there have been numerous handwashings. None will be enough. I win.


:lol: :lol: :lol:
 

fly

Osharts 11
Oct 1, 2004
72,258
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Steam
mattressfish
So while in Jamaica, Shawn and Brad generally didn't wake up until at least noon. By this time, housekeeping was done with their rounds, so their room rarely got cleaned. You've seen the pics. Those boys like to eat. These factors combined to form a problem. Toilet paper.

So Shawn was dropping off the boys one morning, only to realize that he was down to the last shreads of TP. His great idea was to grab some Kleenex from the dispenser next to the sink. So he slightly pulls his pants up, stumbles out to the sink and grabs some snot rags. Both of them. Due to other issues, they had gone through a box of Kleenex as well. He sits back down, hoping that two were enough. Sadly, these little snot rags were woefully unprepared for Shawn's poop stunts.

At this point, he has a quandry. There was nothing left to wipe his ass with. Then a light went off in his head. TREAT YOURSELF! He stumbles back out to the sink, turns on the warm water, and wets down a white washcloth. With his warm, wet shit hankie in hand he finishes the job. Proud of himself, he later shows us the brown stained washcloth later. And then throws it at me, but misses. I think April took offense to this because unbeknownst to me, she devised a horrible plan.

Fast forward to our last day on the island. While Shawn and Brad were out doing God knows what, April went to their room. She found Shawn's dirty shit rag in the trash and replaced it with a fresh one. She (with her bare, disgusting hands) folded the rag up, dug into a pair of Shawn's swim trunk deep in his luggage and planted the turd wad, with the hopes that he wouldn't find it before packing and it would marinate in there for the whole trip home. At one point, he grabbed the fake rag out of the trash and started threatening us with it. April leaned over to me and reminded me that there was nothing on it. Hilarity between us ensued.

He did eventually find it during his packing, but it was still an awesome job.

TL;DR April is dusgusting and that's why I love her.
 

Duke

. . first name's "Daisy" boys
May 12, 2008
55,859
18,143
41
Brandon, FL
:lol: even condoms don't protect against that. You should know that...

The fact that I'm still herp free would leave me to believe they must do a pretty damn good job

or I've just been lucky enough not to bag anyone with the clap.
 

Duke

. . first name's "Daisy" boys
May 12, 2008
55,859
18,143
41
Brandon, FL
So while in Jamaica, Shawn and Brad generally didn't wake up until at least noon. By this time, housekeeping was done with their rounds, so their room rarely got cleaned. You've seen the pics. Those boys like to eat. These factors combined to form a problem. Toilet paper.

So Shawn was dropping off the boys one morning, only to realize that he was down to the last shreads of TP. His great idea was to grab some Kleenex from the dispenser next to the sink. So he slightly pulls his pants up, stumbles out to the sink and grabs some snot rags. Both of them. Due to other issues, they had gone through a box of Kleenex as well. He sits back down, hoping that two were enough. Sadly, these little snot rags were woefully unprepared for Shawn's poop stunts.

At this point, he has a quandry. There was nothing left to wipe his ass with. Then a light went off in his head. TREAT YOURSELF! He stumbles back out to the sink, turns on the warm water, and wets down a white washcloth. With his warm, wet shit hankie in hand he finishes the job. Proud of himself, he later shows us the brown stained washcloth later. And then throws it at me, but misses. I think April took offense to this because unbeknownst to me, she devised a horrible plan.

Fast forward to our last day on the island. While Shawn and Brad were out doing God knows what, April went to their room. She found Shawn's dirty shit rag in the trash and replaced it with a fresh one. She (with her bare, disgusting hands) folded the rag up, dug into a pair of Shawn's swim trunk deep in his luggage and planted the turd wad, with the hopes that he wouldn't find it before packing and it would marinate in there for the whole trip home. At one point, he grabbed the fake rag out of the trash and started threatening us with it. April leaned over to me and reminded me that there was nothing on it. Hilarity between us ensued.

He did eventually find it during his packing, but it was still an awesome job.

TL;DR April is dusgusting and that's why I love her.

:lol:

I'm never going on any kind of trip with you people.