I wouldn't worry to much. At least you are focusing on school. The first time I went to College I spent 2 years as a social king pin. I spent all my time with friends and my band. After a long daze I was kicked out of school and left with a nice bill and only 12 credits.
So not quite sure how one remedies this.
- Thread starter VladTemplar
- Start date
Clearly define your relationship with this person prior to moving in with them. Roommates often require a different level of 'friendship', and typically a whole lot more tolerance than the average person has to offer.
Here is what I, a casual observer, take away from your self descriptions in this paragraph. I'm a big guy that doesn't dress very well, nor am I overly invested in my appearance. I strive to be non-chalant about it but on the inside I know it's why most people can't approach me.
Here's the deal, insecurity sucks because the only person that can change it is you. Insecurity is compounded by the fact that people can smell it a mile away, and you are right, it does effect your ability to become close to them.
You can talk at length, in class, about subjects that interest and excite you. Conversations held outside of class there is no focus, no pertinent subject matter, literally no cohesion. I wonder what would happen if you could find people with interests similar to your own, if you would still have problems conversing...
Real world translation: I can justify my 'antics' at a party or some other goings on because everyone else is doing the same thing. You show me the truth in that and prove the lie that it doesn't make me a whore.
She's trying to tell you that she doesn't find you attractive, without getting in to any of the specific reasons. In truth, this is a deficiency on her part, neither having the ability to see the attractive parts of you, nor the balls to tell you straight out. Don't put any stock into what she says, aside from the inferred "I will never sleep with you".
Aside from my previous comments about why you should disregard what the girl said, you can't change who you are. After reading your posts I'm coming away with a feeling of latent insecurity, most likely appearance based, which is almost definitely unfounded. The worst thing anyone ever did to my social life was to convince me that I was somehow not good enough or handsome enough to run with the 'popular' crowds. And what makes it even worse is that particular wound was self inflicted. Once you understand that the problems people have with you are their problems, not yours, you free yourself from all of the wonderful bullshit that accompanies social endeavours. The fact of the matter is that there is only one 'you' in existence. That makes you both the best and worst example of what 'you' can be. If people don't get that, there's nothing you can do about it.
I'm going to give you a powerful and useful mantra, applicable in the following situations:
People don't like the way you look
People don't like the way you talk
People don't like the way you act
People don't like the way you think
The mantra...
Fuck 'em, there's more out there for me to choose from
Thats why I recommend the book as it give you some strategies to be more open without overwhelming you too much. Like I said I'm a introvert too but i'm an INTJ too so theres only like 2% of people like me around and I manage.
Syrup Beaver
pants log
Clearly define your relationship with this person prior to moving in with them. Roommates often require a different level of 'friendship', and typically a whole lot more tolerance than the average person has to offer.
Here is what I, a casual observer, take away from your self descriptions in this paragraph. I'm a big guy that doesn't dress very well, nor am I overly invested in my appearance. I strive to be non-chalant about it but on the inside I know it's why most people can't approach me.
Here's the deal, insecurity sucks because the only person that can change it is you. Insecurity is compounded by the fact that people can smell it a mile away, and you are right, it does effect your ability to become close to them.
You can talk at length, in class, about subjects that interest and excite you. Conversations held outside of class there is no focus, no pertinent subject matter, literally no cohesion. I wonder what would happen if you could find people with interests similar to your own, if you would still have problems conversing...
Real world translation: I can justify my 'antics' at a party or some other goings on because everyone else is doing the same thing. You show me the truth in that and prove the lie that it doesn't make me a whore.
She's trying to tell you that she doesn't find you attractive, without getting in to any of the specific reasons. In truth, this is a deficiency on her part, neither having the ability to see the attractive parts of you, nor the balls to tell you straight out. Don't put any stock into what she says, aside from the inferred "I will never sleep with you".
Aside from my previous comments about why you should disregard what the girl said, you can't change who you are. After reading your posts I'm coming away with a feeling of latent insecurity, most likely appearance based, which is almost definitely unfounded. The worst thing anyone ever did to my social life was to convince me that I was somehow not good enough or handsome enough to run with the 'popular' crowds. And what makes it even worse is that particular wound was self inflicted. Once you understand that the problems people have with you are their problems, not yours, you free yourself from all of the wonderful bullshit that accompanies social endeavours. The fact of the matter is that there is only one 'you' in existence. That makes you both the best and worst example of what 'you' can be. If people don't get that, there's nothing you can do about it.
I'm going to give you a powerful and useful mantra, applicable in the following situations:
People don't like the way you look
People don't like the way you talk
People don't like the way you act
People don't like the way you think
The mantra...
Fuck 'em, there's more out there for me to choose from
wow. this seems to be a very negative attitude about many things. how is that helpful in one's life? it sounds like more of a defense mechanism.
i didn't get that this girl was saying "i'm not attracted to you" at all. i got more that she was trying to be honest and helpful with something it seems he was asking about. i don't think it has anything to do with how she feels about him physically.
it sounds like you want to be something a little more than what your personality naturally allows. it sounds like you enjoy people but don't quite know how to get in to that intimate state you want to be in with them. like, if you could skip all the BS that comes with getting to know someone and just get to know someone, you'd be fine. i think with this comes the fact that, yes, you wait longer for a quality relationship, but yes, it's usually worth it.
someone like you is very much worth the effort...you just have to find the people who are interested in this and are patient with the process. until then, maybe you could back off on splurting out all your knowledge on someone in one sitting, if that's what's happening. be slow with yourself...it sounds like it's worth the wait.
How are we supposed to find the right people for our lives when we waste time on the wrong ones? By weeding out the negatives, or at the very least limiting your interaction with them, you allow yourself the time to devote to those that have proven themselves worthy.
How are we supposed to find the right people for our lives when we waste time on the wrong ones? By weeding out the negatives, or at the very least limiting your interaction with them, you allow yourself the time to devote to those that have proven themselves worthy.
with this theory, i would be weeding out you, based on your previous "motto".
fixt
My best advice is related to what Galen posted earlier. You need to find something that is non-academia oriented to fill your time and then you will meet people and make friends even if by accident.
Do you have any other interests that do not require academic conversation? What about sports? I am not even referring to running and jumping sports but what about things like billiards, chess, any kind of strategy heavy game. If you find something that you peak a heavy interest in then you will be talking about that with your team, opponents, friends, etc. and you shouldn't sound like the professor.
Also, maybe get a job that requires you to work with people. Even a retail job...something that will place you with people of a similar age. Then you at least have your job in common with them to talk about. When I was in college I worked at a Sam's Club not because I needed money but I was just bored in my dorm and needed an out. I met almost 10 really good friends while working there, and made some beer money on the side as well.
Ultimately, that serves to prove a very good point. If I am dismissed due to one of my core beliefs, what do I do? Do I change, embracing a new idea and subsequent idealogy? Or do I continue believing what I believe, knowing that further interaction with someone that differs from me on a fundamental level is ultimately futile?
It also illustrates the superficiality that surrounds most casual social encounters. One belief out of many, taken out of context, is enough to dismiss me, yah? But for some people that belief is a reason to delve deeper, to figure out why I believe it, what happened to me on this journey of mine to create that mindset. Those are the people that I surround myself with, the friends that take the time to know me and open themselves up so I may know them. It would be a disservice to the true and loyal friends if I wasted all of my time on people that don't care as much about me as they do.
Ultimately, should I be 'weeded out' in the same manner that I have 'weeded' people out of my life. Well, it's not going to stop the sun from rising tomorrow, right? Life will go on, as it always does.
dude, i've always liked you. i was just pointing out that things aren't always what they seem.
dude, i've always liked you. i was just pointing out that things aren't always what they seem.
What's that Chappelle show skit? "When Keepin it real goes wrong"?
Much love chica, today and hereafter.
What's that Chappelle show skit? "When Keepin it real goes wrong"?
Much love chica, today and hereafter.
It's a Genmay IRC channel. Key thing there being Genmay. In real life I'm pretty much one of the nicest people you could meet.