So not quite sure how one remedies this.

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VladTemplar

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Oct 17, 2006
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So ever since I've come to college I've found a bit of difficulty in associating. In general I spend my nights with myself and on occasion hang out with one other guy who lets me do laundry at his apartment, and we might split an apartment next year...but my friendship with him is an exception.

I've always known there was a problem to some degree, whether it be my size (I'm a large guy) or my general lack of school spirit. Don't get me wrong, I like my school, but I like my school for academic reasons. While other people care about the football game I care about the advancement we just got in research rating and how we move in the rankings academically. For what it's worth in addendum to being a large guy, I wear pretty casual clothes (cheap as I can find them), have long-ish hair, and generally love just about any kind of humor. I can laugh at inside political jokes that would take some knowledge to understand and I can laugh at Super Troopers or Harold & Kumar.

It should be noted that I'm not quiet and reserved. I'm usually one of the most outspoken persons in my classes, I love getting into conversations and debates. truly most of my social interaction on a day-to-day basis comes from in-class discussions. Outside of class I've always had problems keeping conversations up for an extended period and I've never quite fingered the cause.

Today, however, I was discussing this with a girl I've known for awhile. She put it pretty succintly and got to the point. She said she felt like she was talking to one of her professors when she was talking to me. She continued by explaining that there was just something about my demeanor and whatnot that made it odd to talk about some antics at a party or some other goings on .

The question is, of course, how does one become less "professor like." I'm not going to suddenly start butchering every attempt at grammar I come across. I don't really drink all that much, and when I do, I keep it reasonable.

Why is it wrong to be proper and carry yourself well?
 
Go to one of these parties with your female friend and become that naked fat guy that everyone seems to have a story about.
 
not to much late night action in here except the occasional theac and now me, lol

but ill read your blog tomorrow, haha, now time for some CSS!
 
To become a professor, you must start wearing sandals, weird shirts and ramble on endlessly about the subject you lecture in, but become completly stumped when someone asks you about another topic.

As for remedying it... I'm not sure. I've always had a lot of confidence when it comes to dealing with people, I guess that's part of the requirements for my course. There is nothing wrong with carrying yourself however, just as long as you don't come off as aloof. Just realize that from talking to other people you have nothing to lose, make yourself approachable etc.

Professor-like and personable can exist coterminous within the individual, it's all up to you however. I rarely talk about my subject to people outside of it (Though I like to link to Anus Reconstruction images here and there), and I find that helps things. Find an interest outside of Academia. Perhaps the Quiz or Debate team and things will move swiftly from there.
 
Galen said:
To become a professor, you must start wearing sandals, weird shirts and ramble on endlessly about the subject you lecture in, but become completly stumped when someone asks you about another topic.

As for remedying it... I'm not sure. I've always had a lot of confidence when it comes to dealing with people, I guess that's part of the requirements for my course. There is nothing wrong with carrying yourself however, just as long as you don't come off as aloof. Just realize that from talking to other people you have nothing to lose, make yourself approachable etc.

Professor-like and personable can exist coterminous within the individual, it's all up to you however. I rarely talk about my subject to people outside of it (Though I like to link to Anus Reconstruction images here and there), and I find that helps things. Find an interest outside of Academia. Perhaps the Quiz or Debate team and things will move swiftly from there.
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I looked into the debate team my first semester here. Very elitist group that was no fun to be around. They were more intersted in figuring out ways to corner someone through logic/semantics than they were in talking about issues.

I tried to create an organization (The Federalist Society) but even after sending out departmental e-mails, getting an ad in the university weekly update e-mail, and several days of ads in the universitys newspaper I only got a handful of slightly interested respones. Certainly not enough to warrant the creation of an organization. I looked into a few other organizations, but I really could care less about Habitat for Humanity or some random food bank program.
 
VladTemplar said:
That would basically be the antithesis of my entire character.
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That was the point, but the suggestion wasn't serious. I was more like you back in the day. I went off to college and forced myself to go to parties, talk to people, and hang out. It went against my natural instincts, but I forced myself to do it. It eventually worked to a decent degree. I can hang out with a wider array of people now than I used to.

You've simply have to force yourself to keep at it. Tell yourself you've got to do this because you want to change your life and it will work. It just takes time, you'll figure it out.
 
VladTemplar said:
I looked into the debate team my first semester here. Very elitist group that was no fun to be around. They were more intersted in figuring out ways to corner someone through logic/semantics than they were in talking about issues.

I tried to create an organization (The Federalist Society) but even after sending out departmental e-mails, getting an ad in the university weekly update e-mail, and several days of ads in the universitys newspaper I only got a handful of slightly interested respones. Certainly not enough to warrant the creation of an organization. I looked into a few other organizations, but I really could care less about Habitat for Humanity or some random food bank program.
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There is bound to be more than that on offer...

Is there no society for your department or course? If not, form one. You'll get a hell of a lot of members then and get a -very- nice line for your CV
 
theacoustician said:
That was the point, but the suggestion wasn't serious. I was more like you back in the day. I went off to college and forced myself to go to parties, talk to people, and hang out. It went against my natural instincts, but I forced myself to do it. It eventually worked to a decent degree. I can hang out with a wider array of people now than I used to.

You've simply have to force yourself to keep at it. Tell yourself you've got to do this because you want to change your life and it will work. It just takes time, you'll figure it out.
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Or, since I'm planning on the academic route, I could simply stay reclusive and keep to myself. Professors get along fine with other professors...for the most aprt :)
 
do you feel you are trying too hard to have something to talk about? do you feel you are trying to impress others with knowledge? that can be a quick turn-off to others.
your size shouldn't matter unless you make it known that you are uncomfortable with it. i'm fat too, yet it's never stopped me from making friends. i've never known anyone to be revolted by that. i feel i have other things to make up for it.
the older you get, the easier it seems that you can see the insecurities in people, which generally isn't an attractive feature.
have you let others lead the conversations? do you feel that once a convo is begun that you can jump in and participate without being "nerdy?"
there's a difference between being smart and being a show-off.

as for the grammar thing, i know what you mean. though i'm not as bad about correcting anymore, people know i'm listening. they think they have to warn me or tell me not to listen when they are speaking. i don't know why it's wrong to try to help others with their speech since it reflects a lot about them, but i do understand how being corrected all the time would be annoying.
 
Galen said:
There is bound to be more than that on offer...

Is there no society for your department or course? If not, form one. You'll get a hell of a lot of members then and get a -very- nice line for your CV
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There's an honor society, but it's just a pay a fee and do some community service type thing. Plus my GPA isn't hight enough. I've got a 2.7 due to the two other degrees damaging my GPA quite severely. It's a 3.8 in major, but with everything considered its not so great.
 
VladTemplar said:
I looked into the debate team my first semester here. Very elitist group that was no fun to be around. They were more intersted in figuring out ways to corner someone through logic/semantics than they were in talking about issues.

I tried to create an organization (The Federalist Society) but even after sending out departmental e-mails, getting an ad in the university weekly update e-mail, and several days of ads in the universitys newspaper I only got a handful of slightly interested respones. Certainly not enough to warrant the creation of an organization. I looked into a few other organizations, but I really could care less about Habitat for Humanity or some random food bank program.
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it's COULDN'T care less. :fly: ;)
 
Thorn Bird said:
do you feel you are trying too hard to have something to talk about? do you feel you are trying to impress others with knowledge? that can be a quick turn-off to others.
your size shouldn't matter unless you make it known that you are uncomfortable with it. i'm fat too, yet it's never stopped me from making friends. i've never known anyone to be revolted by that. i feel i have other things to make up for it.
the older you get, the easier it seems that you can see the insecurities in people, which generally isn't an attractive feature.
have you let others lead the conversations? do you feel that once a convo is begun that you can jump in and participate without being "nerdy?"
there's a difference between being smart and being a show-off.

as for the grammar thing, i know what you mean. though i'm not as bad about correcting anymore, people know i'm listening. they think they have to warn me or tell me not to listen when they are speaking. i don't know why it's wrong to try to help others with their speech since it reflects a lot about them, but i do understand how being corrected all the time would be annoying.
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Well, for starters, I don't correct people. The only time I get visibly annoyed is when someone repeatedly uses the word "like." That's something I bear for long. Beyond that, I assume that it's simply more of a question of my choice of vocabulary that makes it odd. I spent all of those years in high school and early college being forced to take in endless higher levels of vocabulary plus I read a lot, why shouldn't I use it?

I can jump into a conversation, so long as I know something about it, without sounding nerdy. Its just that most conversations I enjoy get technical in nature or are some kind of whimsical topic. For example, on one of the cruises where I had a friend come with me we spent an hour talking about how the speed of the ship varyed the geometric pattern created by the wake. Sure, it's not an everyday topic, but it was fun. At the same time though I can easily sit back at a jazz bar for hours and never mutter a word.
 
VladTemplar said:
Well, for starters, I don't correct people. The only time I get visibly annoyed is when someone repeatedly uses the word "like." That's something I bear for long. Beyond that, I assume that it's simply more of a question of my choice of vocabulary that makes it odd. I spent all of those years in high school and early college being forced to take in endless higher levels of vocabulary plus I read a lot, why shouldn't I use it?

I can jump into a conversation, so long as I know something about it, without sounding nerdy. Its just that most conversations I enjoy get technical in nature or are some kind of whimsical topic. For example, on one of the cruises where I had a friend come with me we spent an hour talking about how the speed of the ship varyed the geometric pattern created by the wake. Sure, it's not an everyday topic, but it was fun. At the same time though I can easily sit back at a jazz bar for hours and never mutter a word.
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i think you shall fit in quite nicely around here then. and you should definitely try to make it to a meat or two. :D
 
I think you are an introvert and just haven't realized it yet.

Go to your local Borders or Barnes and look for a book called "The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney" Its one of the few books I've seen that hasn't treated being Introverted as a bad thing. We do have our place in society and we can be Extroverted in some ways with some practice and personal management. Before I read it I spend years wondering what was wrong with me and why I felt and acted so different than anyone else. I'm well over that now
 
Ryokurin said:
I think you are an introvert and just haven't realized it yet.

Go to your local Borders or Barnes and look for a book called "The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney" Its one of the few books I've seen that hasn't treated being Introverted as a bad thing. We do have our place in society and we can be Extroverted in some ways with some practice and personal management. Before I read it I spend years wondering what was wrong with me and why I felt and acted so different than anyone else. I'm well over that now
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Unforunatly being introverted at my university is a huge disadvantage. I guess it's a disadvantage in any university situation, but I feel like every other person is extroverted and they just talk about everything.

I usually sit back and wait until I have something pertinent to add.
 
So after reading all of that, I drew the conclusion that you look like this but with more hair:

carousin.jpg
 
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